Samhain is coming - Woo Hoo!!

My mind just did a complete throwback to when I was young, 'Oh look, Halloween is coming!' and that feeling of magic filled me up.  I remembered the days getting shorter and watching for my dad out the window because when he got home he might have a little treat for us.  We'd go through his suit pockets and voila... there would be pieces of peanut brittle, toffees, or chocolate.  Then we would have a nice dinner, and watch TV.  You knew Halloween was just around the corner because the holiday programming started up about a week before.  There would also be the creating of the costume (my mom could sew) and the finding of a pillow slip big and strong enough to hold all the loot.  My mother was German and my father was English, neither one had any real idea what Halloween was, so what we learned was in school and we would bring the concepts home to my parents and try to get away with as much as my parents would allow.  

Now at my school we read scary stories like 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'.  We would cut out pumpkins, each year they became more intricate as our skills improved.  There were lectures on safe candy collecting and on Halloween day, there would be the big school assembly with a film on the perils of trick or treating gone wrong.  There was only one thing missing.... the lore.

There was no teaching about Samhain, not even any mention of it.  So this needs to be remedied.  I start my Wheel of the Year this Samhain, where I practice all the seasonal holidays of my faith.  There is so much to study, iconic imagery, ritual, food, devotion, and only a variety of holy days.  Over the next couple of weeks I'll be studying and posting some of my findings in preparation for creating my own personal ritual.  I'm excited and nervous, because I've never gone to such extremes, and it does feel good to finally practice the way I want to.  

My kids are grown, my partner now works full time.  For the first time in decades everything has fallen into place and I am getting regular quiet time so that I can do as I please uninterrupted.  Actually... it's the first time ever that I have had quiet time and everything is still sinking in.  I have time to do the artwork, study the history, and prepare the ritual, so I guess it's time to pull out my agenda and make the big transition from words to deeds. :D

I had my mind opened

My partner and I are going through changes, I'm croneing and he started off in a new career just a couple of months ago, fresh out of Security Guard School.  We're learning to make adjustments, but it is an uphill battle which often leaves me far more exhausted than I should be.  I have felt alone and truly I think I am.  We are quite different him and I, he is clever, fast, hasty, witty; I am patient, thorough, wise, scholarly, spiritual.  We are having a rough spot, and I see from other blogs, I am not the only one.  In the next few days, that should be changing, the winds should be bringing in some excitement and good fortune.

And so it did, I was sitting in my living room ignoring TV and feeling like crap after my partner left yelling at me because who he wanted to yell at wasn't there and he needed someone to yell at.  My heart felt heavy and tears were flowing freely down my cheek because I've been so frustrated with all the nonsense the last week, and the top of my shirt was soaked. When suddenly I heard a strong low female voice say "Be strong small one, I am here and we will get through this together you and I." I suddenly felt like I was being enveloped in a large hug (like the ones your mom gives you when the world knocks you down.  "I, Freya, will keep you safe, little one, no more will he harm you."

Now I know I was tired and sad and I've been reading a lot of Norse mythology in the last few days, but it was just the right thing at just the right time.  She told me to grab my 7 league boots, which is what I call my Flying Ointment and to put it on, finish my movie and then grab the little fleece blanket and head to bed.   She came to me and we crossed the Hedge together, and then she introduced me to my spirit guide, a humming bird.  I don't know much about this, but I'm willing to learn.  I suspect that I have communed with Freya in a small aspect.  We talked about what my options and opportunities are.  I feel better, not so sad.  I know others may think I'm nuts, but then so was Noah and he built an ark.  

I truly never thought I would hear the voice so clearly, and  I was getting so old I thought I had been passed over, never to be more than a mere dabbler.  My ears are open now, and she talks to me sometimes, reminding me to be strong and with a little message of what I can do to keep my cool.  My partner has been on the warpath so much, that even the bed is a battleground.  I keep the blanket with me always and feel safe, like when I was a little girl using my blanket as a flying carpet to get away from the evil Vizier.

I am worn out from trying to work things out in my relationship with my partner, yes, he supports me, but my consequences keep me from having any kind of quality of life.  I have removed the rose coloured glasses and decided to save myself.  It will take a little time, but at least this time it's on my terms.

An omen from my flying ointment

A few days ago The Witch of Forest Grove wrote a wonderful article, On Flying Ointments.  It was well written and included not only the basics of how to make one, but the various components you can use, and the implications of making ones that tend to use the more baneful herbs.  She will not give dosages, however, she provides cautions and warnings and just enough information for further study to help you along your task.  For a long time I have wanted to know just a rough guideline for more information on how to get over the hedge more easily without getting stoned.  I'm a serious student and am not looking for a cheap high.  Sometimes though, the gate to the other-side just remains elusive and all I'm looking for is the right key to get me over.  Sometimes I can get over on my own on purpose, more often than not though, I get there by accident, just bumbling over.  I'm looking for more controlled ventures.
This is not a calling for everyone, I felt the calling towards hedge-riding years ago, long before I knew about flying ointments or even what going over the hedge was.  I was very young then (about 7) and it was like watching TV these dreams, only I could somewhat control the outcome.  From then on I wanted to get over more frequently and control it.  I had no one to guide me or council me in this, yet I persisted and eventually found the information I needed here and there, to keep me going one step at a time.

I am now cobbling together all that I have learned over many years into what I call the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out"  The way I look at it, this was my tale of my journey, and what I did to get here.  It's also the journey I am now making and I don't want short cuts; it would take away from the adventures I will go on and all the exciting things that I will seen.
I did try a flying potion... I had a little wormwood.... and no I'm not telling where I got it, but I did and I have a little left, which is a good thing, because I want to use it again.  That was the herb I used when I made my flying potion on the afternoon of the 10th of September.  I didn't even wait for my partner to go to work, I was that excited and that impatient.  I read up on Wormwood and on Thujone before I continued.  I used a small amount in my potion and set it to heat in the oil on, of all things, an electric coffee warmer.  I infused the oil for the correct time and added the wax and a natural preservative (I have a full arsenal in my witches cupboard of rare and exotic, weird and bizarre).  I couldn't get it to cool fast enough and so carried it to the bathroom (in-case it was messy).  With my partner working grave-yard shift, I would have the entire night to myself to give it a try and see what happens without any interruptions.
I deliberately made it less potent, but with what I thought would be enough of a sample to see if I liked it and if it would do as I hoped.  Using my fingers to scoop out about 2 tablespoons of the very oily mass I smeared it on the back of my neck.  I don't know why I chose there, I just did.  The ointment was so greasy I was rubbing it in for a long time and ended up giving up and just letting it sit there for a bit, and then a little later I rubbed the last little bits in.
At first I didn't feel anything, but after a while, colours were more intense, and I had this sense that I could see things really clearly, as though I was truly seeing them for the first time in my life and now things made sense; at last... true clarity.  I saw where I had been going wrong with some things and what needed to be done to rectify my life and simplify things.  I had been so intent on this wheel of the year, and I still am.  I was originally going to study this year and learn more about all the rituals throughout a Witches year starting at Samhain.  About a week later I had this brilliant idea that I would open an online store and sell my crafts and get that all done for Samhain. (<This is the omen part> What I quickly realized was that although the store is a great idea, it's time has not come yet.  I need to learn more about ritual, paying homage, feasting, playing, working, magic, consecration.  I'm not ready now for the dream of the store.  However, I am ready to gather items in a couple of months and sell them off at a craft fair or farmers market. ) As I learn more, I won't struggle over the simple things and so the store (which I have wanted to do for years and years, <small business workbook dated 1990 was eye opening> perhaps decades) will have a better chance of surviving.
I saw that sometimes we as people, get caught up in the dream and completely miss out on the experience.  I was about to sell myself short.  I have been obsessed the last month crafting and studying and crafting and drawing, wanting to know everything all at once and cursing my lack of knowledge.  I was taking all the fun out of the upcoming year, and I hadn't even started it.  So I'm going back to my original plan; Wheel of the Year here I come.
There were other insights that I had as well from the flying ointment.  More personal, but helpful none the less.  I would also say yes, it helps when hedge-crossing, it did make it easier for me to lie down, relax and go over the hedge and talk to my Grandma.  The usual drowsiness I encounter when hedge crossing was not there, instead, I felt alert, but not as though I was controlling the situation, nor was I having a hallucination.
It was a positive experience and something I will take up a notch, but not a big notch.  I'm not interested in getting high, I'm interested in clarity, visions, hedge-crossing and enlightenment.  I feel this fills the bill.  There will be other experiments of course with other herbs and dosages to find the best fit for me in all this and I'm excited.  I'm keeping lots of notes in the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out" and perhaps one day I'll pass it on.  

Reclaiming the Forest

What a perfect day.  I got to bed before 2am and was up by 8am when my companion dragged his weary butt in the door.  I fed him some cornmeal cereal and golden toast with butter and he started watching TV on the couch.  In no time the poor tired thing had fallen asleep and I nipped out the door in my worst clothes to go scavanging for treasures in the woods.  I have noticed of late, that there is an abundance of downed wood in the area.  As I walked down the path towards what I call the Arbutus Grove, it became apparent that the wood has been tossed to the side as though it were litter.  I don't mean the occasional thinning to let in more light, I mean loads of wood left to rot.  I try to grin and bear it, but it sure does bother me to see it.

As you can see, this shit's been down a while, and it's covered with young vines, however, you can also see that the wood is still good and there are 4 logs in this one little site alone, actually there is more there, it continues to the right.

Here are some more fallen trees, and on the larger of the two logs, there is a lot of rot on the outside, but the center was still good.  And yes, there are 4 downed huge chunks of timber just sitting there beside the path.

This too lies along that same path, but at least here it is neatly set out of the way.

This one just had me doing face-palms over and over again.  This is cut by a chainsaw, it's not natural and not needed for light, so what's up?

This is just a bigger badder picture of the one above, but it makes me wonder.  There was not even 20 feet between some of these.  This "waste wood" should be offered up to artists and such to see what can be reclaimed.  However; I don't think I'll be waiting on that invitation; I'll just help myself.

In one of the areas, where the trees were thinned, ferns filled what had once been a bog during the spring.

I also found a new view of my forest spirit that I first found when I went on that exploratory journey to seek out my secret garden.
However, the main reason why I went to the forest was to collect some items to make a broom.

 

This little grotto was filled with broom (the plant) at one point, but someone came up here and thrashed all the broom plants.  The bright yellow flowering branches were thrashed, as in hacked up and left to die.  I come up here at least once every two weeks, more if I can.... and I know that a couple of months ago, this area was filled with lovely blooms of broom and the next time I saw it, the plants had been slashed and the fresh green boughs covered the ground.  I kept going up and thinking I should grab that to make a broom with.  So that is exactly what I did.  I gathered enough broom for... yes a broom, and a lovely handle, that doesn't know it's a handle yet, lay close by.  My companion, then gave me some wonderful twine, so once I've soaked all the broom twigs and sprigs, I'll be working on the besom.
 I think that my special broom grotto is visited by another much like myself.  There is a rock balancer who comes here and leaves their little shrines up beneath the boughs of the towering arbutus.  They are set upon green moss, or the slate grey boulders that dominate that quiet little corner overlooking WestWood Lake.  Today, all those were knocked down and more of the broom was scattered about.  It may have been the wind, but I suspect boots of mischief would be a more appropriate guess.
Anyways, I'll be busy the next couple of days, to a week.  There are some spells to finish up, some stock to build up, some crafts to play with and pictures to take.  I suspect there will be more forays into the wood to gather some of the wood for making boxes and what not, that should keep me busy over the winter.

A Walk in the Park

I am fortunate to live around the corner from Westwood Lake in Nanaimo.  If you google it, you will see a huge lake surrounded by woodland, part of which goes up a mountain.  I have walked up to the main beach from my place and that is an easy half hour round trip kind of saunter into the park.  There are a fair amount of people, but it's not overly crowded.  I use the entrance by the mobile home that veers left into the woods passing by a rather eerie tree with dessimated towels hanging from it and it feels as though someone had harboured the idea of skinning an animal there.  In late winter, early spring there was a rash of bizarre deer huntings by bow that left more questions than answers and I suspect this little outpost is a remnent of that hunting debaucle.  I don't mind a little eerie on my walk, so I just go in that way, and am always pleased with the results. 
Nearby I have found Indian pipe weed, Rusella mushrooms, and some amanita pantherinas.  If you turn right you can head towards the main beach and concession stand, this is usually where I turn around and head home when I'm on a short walk.  It's wooded and pretty, verdantly abundant, a good place to turn around.
However; this is not the route I took.  I live on Weaver, so I turned left at the top of the road, onto college drive and headed towards the Westwood Lake Trail.
This area has less traffic and so it is more fun to take pictures and root around a little before someone comes snooping along to see what you are doing.  I always have a pocket knife with me for snipping off bits of this and that, (not without permission of course) carefully so as not to leave the plant hurt.  It's a much longer route to the lake, but then the lake is not my destination, the woods are.  I was looking around at the bounty provided and was reminded of hunting for huckleberries when I was a kid and we lived right near Lynn Canyon Park. 

I was halfway tempted to start picking and eating, but then thought better of it.  I left the bright little red berries alone and continued to walk coming across some salelle.  I hate salelle berries, I think they taste gross, however; I have friends who just love them and claim they make great jam.

There is one thing for them, they sure look pretty with their dark green foiliage, scattered across the woodland floor.
I must admit, I am rusty, and there are some things I am having trouble identifying, so if you have any idea what they are I would appreciate it.  My fabulous book of wildlife is at my son's house, packed up to come here, but not available yet.

I'm curious to know what those white feathery floaty flowers are.

I would like to know what the serated dark green foilage and the blue berries are.

Also am interested in finding out more about the light green viney plant covering the forest floor is.

I'm going to try to figure out what these are because I want to know all about the herbs, trees, plants shrubs and mushrooms in the area are.  I love herbs and know they hold keys to all kinds of healing.  And it's right about now that I'm wishing I knew a shaman in the area who could help me train up in local herbarl lore.

Now of course I did have a purpose in going into the woods.  I was actually looking for some willow.  I guess I didn't look in the right places, because it evaded me.  Luckily I found a few other things that piqued my interest.  I harvested a nice long cedar branch, straight and true, bark on.  I had forgotten my offerings, but I did have a quarter in my bag, so I polished it up and gave it to the tree in thanks. 

I love where my studies are taking me and am working on more walks that last longer, go further and garner more wildcrafting.

Secretly though.... I want to find a little place, fence it in, put up a small tiny little house and live quietly..... Dream on Ember... Dream  :D

A little change in how I practice

I have always done my magic on the fly.  My workings constrained by jobs, my mother, my kids, partners (there were only a few, but some had incredible demands on my time and I was always a long term kind of girl), friends.  I pick things up easily, have a generous nature, work hard and have acquired a number of good skills.  I also make friends easily and here is where the rub comes.  Not all people who are friendly towards you are true friends, although they say they are, you can find yourself mired in their work as well as your own.  I was forever helping with resumes, or anything clerical, as well as cooking, cleaning, etc., and there was nothing in it for me, for once I'd performed my task they were too busy with their own life to return the favor.  So, in the last little while I have learnt to say no I'm busy, especially after seeing how much I had accomplished for others and how little I have for myself.  It's bad business, the whole lot of it.  I love my new word and it's good to be able to say it and mean it.  I've even learned not to explain myself, that just opens it up for people to convince you why it should be yes, (ever heard the words "I would never do that" duck and cover, get out of there fast.  A flat out no stands up on it's own and a quick stern look locks it into place. 
For the first time in my witching career, I can actually plan my rituals, and spellwork, as well as my craftings.  This makes me happy, as I've done well on the fly, but I like to imagine that I can do more if I perform my work at the more auspicious times.  Although I've done well in the past, I never really felt that connection.  I kept hoping that as I grew stronger I would feel it, but no.  There is a whole hierarchy to connecting with the spiritual side and talent aside I just felt like too much was missing.  I needed to more fully commit.
After reading a few blogs, The Witch of Forest Grove and Swampwitchery were the ones that I clung to most.  I had always been interested in brooms, flying ointments, and the history of witchcraft.  I never believed that witches simply crawled on a broom and flew about the skys.  I just had to know more and strangely enough, I wanted to try it.  I wanted to  go where they went, however they went and see what they saw.  So that too is part of my journey, to get more in touch with my spiritual me go over the hedge, commune with my relatives on the other side of the hedge.
The other thing that was lacking was my homage to my diety, Ember, the Spark of Creation.  I have always loved that name, Ember.  It came to me when I was a young girl and in studying the name discovered it was also part of the ember months, or the burning months.  It has a lovely history all it's own and in my head I chose her as my deity.  I worship her and try to emulate my ideals of her.  I do not believe she created thing,s all on her own, I believe she has a consort, that changes, and I had decided this long before I had ever read any history of people and religion and pagan history etc.  Even as a child I knew it took two to create a world and it was their dynamic natures that governed it.  I understood that woman tended the hearth and made the home beautiful and that men kept it safe, and stocked with meat.  That being said, men had a life cycle that was much less than a womans so in my young mind it just made sense that Ember and her consort ruled the universe.   However that is an entry for another day.  Needless to say, I have not been sacrificing or paying homage, as she so justly deserves.  In my life I have had losses, but losses are different, they are lessons to be reminded of or learnt, but they are not in lieu of holding the divine in a state of reverence and presenting them with gifts for the many gifts they give us.  I was not lazy, I was interrupted with too many things on my plate.  In the last couple of months I have been giving gifts when and where I can, a home made biscuit with yummy raspberry jam, a piece of fine imported chocolate, some fruits, but I need to learn more about gifting the gods.  It's not a payment, I do love my Ember dearly, I want to make her happy, because she makes me happy.
As simplistic as this entry is, it is leading to the fact that things must be done auspiciously and never before have I felt such a pull as now.  I am working on my crafting room, which will also contain several altars, one to Ember, one to my ancestors, and perhaps one for the consort.  I'll be working on my timing of events and will be using my Correspondances more diligently from now on.  Making sure I'm doing things at the right time of the month, on the right day of the week.  Eventually I will have a Correspondance for what you do magically during the year, but I want to get first the first wheel of the year before I'm out of my depth.