Samhain is coming - Woo Hoo!!

My mind just did a complete throwback to when I was young, 'Oh look, Halloween is coming!' and that feeling of magic filled me up.  I remembered the days getting shorter and watching for my dad out the window because when he got home he might have a little treat for us.  We'd go through his suit pockets and voila... there would be pieces of peanut brittle, toffees, or chocolate.  Then we would have a nice dinner, and watch TV.  You knew Halloween was just around the corner because the holiday programming started up about a week before.  There would also be the creating of the costume (my mom could sew) and the finding of a pillow slip big and strong enough to hold all the loot.  My mother was German and my father was English, neither one had any real idea what Halloween was, so what we learned was in school and we would bring the concepts home to my parents and try to get away with as much as my parents would allow.  

Now at my school we read scary stories like 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'.  We would cut out pumpkins, each year they became more intricate as our skills improved.  There were lectures on safe candy collecting and on Halloween day, there would be the big school assembly with a film on the perils of trick or treating gone wrong.  There was only one thing missing.... the lore.

There was no teaching about Samhain, not even any mention of it.  So this needs to be remedied.  I start my Wheel of the Year this Samhain, where I practice all the seasonal holidays of my faith.  There is so much to study, iconic imagery, ritual, food, devotion, and only a variety of holy days.  Over the next couple of weeks I'll be studying and posting some of my findings in preparation for creating my own personal ritual.  I'm excited and nervous, because I've never gone to such extremes, and it does feel good to finally practice the way I want to.  

My kids are grown, my partner now works full time.  For the first time in decades everything has fallen into place and I am getting regular quiet time so that I can do as I please uninterrupted.  Actually... it's the first time ever that I have had quiet time and everything is still sinking in.  I have time to do the artwork, study the history, and prepare the ritual, so I guess it's time to pull out my agenda and make the big transition from words to deeds. :D

It all started with a root.

About 15 years ago, give or take a year, I lived on Haida Gwaii with my family.  We had a small piece of land, about an acre located off the Island Highway between the Skidegate dump and Tlell.  My kids were young and our property kept us pretty busy, so there was not a lot of time for me to practice witch craft.  However, I did a lot of knitting, sewing and cooking up there and got those skills up, and those come in handy for other witchy things.  I'm  getting off track here, so I'll get on with it.  I really wanted a wand and I didn't have one and I had no idea how to get one, so I called out to the heavens and I asked for one.  

In fact the truth of the matter was I'd been arguing with my husband all morning and he was being a bully and wrecking everyone's fun so I wanted to blast him in the ass with the wand. My kids were not allowed to run up and down the beach in case people were there.  My son was hyperactive and needed a run, but the way my husband (his step dad) made it out was that my kid was out of control and do something bad and unpredictable.  Not so, he was just exuberant at times not an ass.  Anyways I had wanted my son to have a good run and get a little tired and relaxed. Finally Valen capitulated and decided to run with Lloyd up towards the end of the beach but I'd have to watch Matt. So as soon as they ran off, I took Matt by the hand and got him to walk with me towards a grove of trees between the road and the beach.  I told him I wanted a wand and that I had a feeling there was one here.  We looked all over the place without finding anything and finally I get called over to where Valen and Lloyd were; they were ready to go home now.  As luck would have it I tripped over a root and loosened it. There at my feet was a stick about 15 inches long. 

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled up as I realized I found my wand.  It was old and gnarled, all covered in dirt, but I could feel this power emanating from it.  So I grabbed it and took it home without really looking at it.  First chance I got a lone,   I took a toothbrush to the root and flicked off all the dust, and left it in that state for many years.... Many many years... However, I kept it with me and used it in the state it was in.... a natural wand full of power is nothing to be sneezed at, specially when it's a gift.

Now I started to work on my Morning Glory wands just recently, and had a little luck with them, but not a lot.... the ink runs and I just don't feel the power like I do in my root wand.  I just had my birthday and of course we're broke, but my partner found a $20 and even though he didn't want to have to run around, he told me he would take me anywhere I wanted to go.... I now have sand paper... tons of it... well enough until I can get way more, and maybe a mask and a knife for cutting and well .... I'm doing it again and getting off topic...

I began to smooth the wood and what I thought was a plain brown stick with groves full of dust became something else....

So all smoothed up and polished with my seven league boot flying ointment, it looks like this, a rather gnarled stick, but such a brilliant red colour to the wood that used to look a sort of faded brown.  As you can see there is also a little dip there and that is perfect for my finger going in there for extra leverage... looks kinda cool actually when I hold it, and the very pointy end is the one I point with and I'll show you why.

It's a crow, it just appeared as I was smoothing things out... all on it's own, even the eye.   I've never really carved before and it was amazing the things I saw in the wood and how they just jumped right out at me... or I could be nuts LOL....

One thing I do know, this is my best all purpose wand and I love using it...

An omen from my flying ointment

A few days ago The Witch of Forest Grove wrote a wonderful article, On Flying Ointments.  It was well written and included not only the basics of how to make one, but the various components you can use, and the implications of making ones that tend to use the more baneful herbs.  She will not give dosages, however, she provides cautions and warnings and just enough information for further study to help you along your task.  For a long time I have wanted to know just a rough guideline for more information on how to get over the hedge more easily without getting stoned.  I'm a serious student and am not looking for a cheap high.  Sometimes though, the gate to the other-side just remains elusive and all I'm looking for is the right key to get me over.  Sometimes I can get over on my own on purpose, more often than not though, I get there by accident, just bumbling over.  I'm looking for more controlled ventures.
This is not a calling for everyone, I felt the calling towards hedge-riding years ago, long before I knew about flying ointments or even what going over the hedge was.  I was very young then (about 7) and it was like watching TV these dreams, only I could somewhat control the outcome.  From then on I wanted to get over more frequently and control it.  I had no one to guide me or council me in this, yet I persisted and eventually found the information I needed here and there, to keep me going one step at a time.

I am now cobbling together all that I have learned over many years into what I call the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out"  The way I look at it, this was my tale of my journey, and what I did to get here.  It's also the journey I am now making and I don't want short cuts; it would take away from the adventures I will go on and all the exciting things that I will seen.
I did try a flying potion... I had a little wormwood.... and no I'm not telling where I got it, but I did and I have a little left, which is a good thing, because I want to use it again.  That was the herb I used when I made my flying potion on the afternoon of the 10th of September.  I didn't even wait for my partner to go to work, I was that excited and that impatient.  I read up on Wormwood and on Thujone before I continued.  I used a small amount in my potion and set it to heat in the oil on, of all things, an electric coffee warmer.  I infused the oil for the correct time and added the wax and a natural preservative (I have a full arsenal in my witches cupboard of rare and exotic, weird and bizarre).  I couldn't get it to cool fast enough and so carried it to the bathroom (in-case it was messy).  With my partner working grave-yard shift, I would have the entire night to myself to give it a try and see what happens without any interruptions.
I deliberately made it less potent, but with what I thought would be enough of a sample to see if I liked it and if it would do as I hoped.  Using my fingers to scoop out about 2 tablespoons of the very oily mass I smeared it on the back of my neck.  I don't know why I chose there, I just did.  The ointment was so greasy I was rubbing it in for a long time and ended up giving up and just letting it sit there for a bit, and then a little later I rubbed the last little bits in.
At first I didn't feel anything, but after a while, colours were more intense, and I had this sense that I could see things really clearly, as though I was truly seeing them for the first time in my life and now things made sense; at last... true clarity.  I saw where I had been going wrong with some things and what needed to be done to rectify my life and simplify things.  I had been so intent on this wheel of the year, and I still am.  I was originally going to study this year and learn more about all the rituals throughout a Witches year starting at Samhain.  About a week later I had this brilliant idea that I would open an online store and sell my crafts and get that all done for Samhain. (<This is the omen part> What I quickly realized was that although the store is a great idea, it's time has not come yet.  I need to learn more about ritual, paying homage, feasting, playing, working, magic, consecration.  I'm not ready now for the dream of the store.  However, I am ready to gather items in a couple of months and sell them off at a craft fair or farmers market. ) As I learn more, I won't struggle over the simple things and so the store (which I have wanted to do for years and years, <small business workbook dated 1990 was eye opening> perhaps decades) will have a better chance of surviving.
I saw that sometimes we as people, get caught up in the dream and completely miss out on the experience.  I was about to sell myself short.  I have been obsessed the last month crafting and studying and crafting and drawing, wanting to know everything all at once and cursing my lack of knowledge.  I was taking all the fun out of the upcoming year, and I hadn't even started it.  So I'm going back to my original plan; Wheel of the Year here I come.
There were other insights that I had as well from the flying ointment.  More personal, but helpful none the less.  I would also say yes, it helps when hedge-crossing, it did make it easier for me to lie down, relax and go over the hedge and talk to my Grandma.  The usual drowsiness I encounter when hedge crossing was not there, instead, I felt alert, but not as though I was controlling the situation, nor was I having a hallucination.
It was a positive experience and something I will take up a notch, but not a big notch.  I'm not interested in getting high, I'm interested in clarity, visions, hedge-crossing and enlightenment.  I feel this fills the bill.  There will be other experiments of course with other herbs and dosages to find the best fit for me in all this and I'm excited.  I'm keeping lots of notes in the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out" and perhaps one day I'll pass it on.  

Reclaiming the Forest

What a perfect day.  I got to bed before 2am and was up by 8am when my companion dragged his weary butt in the door.  I fed him some cornmeal cereal and golden toast with butter and he started watching TV on the couch.  In no time the poor tired thing had fallen asleep and I nipped out the door in my worst clothes to go scavanging for treasures in the woods.  I have noticed of late, that there is an abundance of downed wood in the area.  As I walked down the path towards what I call the Arbutus Grove, it became apparent that the wood has been tossed to the side as though it were litter.  I don't mean the occasional thinning to let in more light, I mean loads of wood left to rot.  I try to grin and bear it, but it sure does bother me to see it.

As you can see, this shit's been down a while, and it's covered with young vines, however, you can also see that the wood is still good and there are 4 logs in this one little site alone, actually there is more there, it continues to the right.

Here are some more fallen trees, and on the larger of the two logs, there is a lot of rot on the outside, but the center was still good.  And yes, there are 4 downed huge chunks of timber just sitting there beside the path.

This too lies along that same path, but at least here it is neatly set out of the way.

This one just had me doing face-palms over and over again.  This is cut by a chainsaw, it's not natural and not needed for light, so what's up?

This is just a bigger badder picture of the one above, but it makes me wonder.  There was not even 20 feet between some of these.  This "waste wood" should be offered up to artists and such to see what can be reclaimed.  However; I don't think I'll be waiting on that invitation; I'll just help myself.

In one of the areas, where the trees were thinned, ferns filled what had once been a bog during the spring.

I also found a new view of my forest spirit that I first found when I went on that exploratory journey to seek out my secret garden.
However, the main reason why I went to the forest was to collect some items to make a broom.

 

This little grotto was filled with broom (the plant) at one point, but someone came up here and thrashed all the broom plants.  The bright yellow flowering branches were thrashed, as in hacked up and left to die.  I come up here at least once every two weeks, more if I can.... and I know that a couple of months ago, this area was filled with lovely blooms of broom and the next time I saw it, the plants had been slashed and the fresh green boughs covered the ground.  I kept going up and thinking I should grab that to make a broom with.  So that is exactly what I did.  I gathered enough broom for... yes a broom, and a lovely handle, that doesn't know it's a handle yet, lay close by.  My companion, then gave me some wonderful twine, so once I've soaked all the broom twigs and sprigs, I'll be working on the besom.
 I think that my special broom grotto is visited by another much like myself.  There is a rock balancer who comes here and leaves their little shrines up beneath the boughs of the towering arbutus.  They are set upon green moss, or the slate grey boulders that dominate that quiet little corner overlooking WestWood Lake.  Today, all those were knocked down and more of the broom was scattered about.  It may have been the wind, but I suspect boots of mischief would be a more appropriate guess.
Anyways, I'll be busy the next couple of days, to a week.  There are some spells to finish up, some stock to build up, some crafts to play with and pictures to take.  I suspect there will be more forays into the wood to gather some of the wood for making boxes and what not, that should keep me busy over the winter.

The Lessons of the Morning glory Wand

Obtaining the cedar to make my wand  was no problem, I went in the forest and harvested some lovely boughs. I got them home and de-twigged them and then sanded them smooth.  I was even resourceful, for when I had no sandpaper, I used my emery board (I never end up using them on my nails), which was a good choice because it's a good size to wield when  attacking tiny sharp twig remains, and it makes a more precise eraser than sandpaper and your finger (LOL).
The trouble all started when I wanted to ink them.  I had some felt pens handy, that actually were for another project.  I busily got to work and covered the wand in morning glory vines and flowers.  It looked beautiful, but before I took a picture I wanted to varnish it.  So on went the varnish and off came the colour.  Damn things were water proof.  Oh well, I thought, perhaps I'll sand that off later and I got myself some fine, indelible ink sharpies, 8 bucks, 8 pens. Well I made the wand and only made a few flowers, here's the deal, the blue is already out of ink and the fine is not all that fine.  Sharpies are not going to work any more than those other felt tipped pens.  I think next I'm going to try some other medium.  Perhaps I'll paint them on with a very fine brush, or use ink and a stylus and brush.  I have a bunch of stylus's and brushes.
The other thing I'm going to do is ask around at the art store to find out what medium would work best for what I'm hoping to achieve.  I knew there would be some issues, but now I can face them head on and move on.  I like this work and would like to do more, make boxes and such, it does run in our family.  In fact, my grandfather, on my mothers side made beautiful puzzles boxes and cabinets out of cedar and was considered an artisan before World War 2 broke out in Germany.  In particular he was a cedar worker and passed away from complications due to inhalation of the cedar particles.
The other thing I've noticed is all the downed wood along the pathways in the park.  I'm thinking of harvesting what I need to create my own body of work.  I learnt quite a bit when I was up in the Charlotte's living off the land.  I have a good eye, and know how to cut for shakes, so it shouldn't be that hard for me to grab a few boards here and there so the wood does not go to waste, all I'll need is an axe and a wood mallet.
I like my wand don't get me wrong, I'm not even upset that it didn't work the way I wanted.  You see once the error was made, I learned my lesson and figured out something else so that it could get finished.  This is going to be fun.  It's late, almost 3 in the morning.  I'm going to oil up my little wand and keep it healthy, and then tomorrow, when the light is better, I'm going to take some pictures of my wand and post them.
Ah and one more thing... just one last little one.  My companion, he found an attachment for his drill that will allow me to grind things out in case I want to shape my wands more.  Now that is awesome timing, because I was just thinking that. I think it's time to start hitting the garage sales :D
And here are my endeavors up close flaws and all.

The total wand, sanded and inked with morning glory vines and at one end is a Lady Bug.  This is the second attempt and ink for this seems to be the issue.  However, it has a whimsical  nature to it.  It still needs to be consecrated, but it is meant to be an aid to hedgecrossing and travelling.

The ink is the biggest issue.  The blue especially is troublesome.  It was a brand new pack, I outlined about 6 morning glories buds and blooms, it ran a little, but worse it started to fade on the last bloom and now there is no more ink left.  As you can see from the comparison, the green is more vibrant and fills in better, but not much.

Here is a closeup of all the green.  Of all the colours I have used so far, the green seems to be the most reliable and has the most ink for your buck.

And here you can see some of the fading on the blue morning glory, which makes it look shabby and like I don't care.  I did, and was so careful when applying the ink.  The red on the Lady Bug has no integrity.  I applied with an even hand and yet it's blotchy, the same with the black ink.  These two, the red and black, lack the vibrancy of the green.  All in all, I will not be using sharpee for this kind of work again.  

I make one exception...the Sharpie Pen.  It has a superfine point and I think it will do to make some necromantic wands for ancestor worship.  In fact that will most likely be my next adventure in wand making.

The Epiphany

I was given a great gift today by my loving companion Sean :D.  I like to keep busy, but with this silly sleeping and bathroom business I've been housebound for 5 days now.  I'm getting cagey and more grumpy than usual and I kinda sit and look at my computer, look at my supplies, look at the TV, sigh, make a meal, eat and sleep.  I need more supplies to complete my projects.  It's hard to get into the head space I need to when I'm drawing because my spouse is very interactive and likes to give and receive attention often.
However today he needed him time, I could tell and he was about to not take it again, which of course makes him grumpy, I could see him eyeing the X-Box controller, and his hand reaching for it then pulling away.  I pretended I didn't notice for a bit so he wouldn't tie in one with the other.  I told him I had a bunch of craft work I needed to focus on and I hated not being able to get to it,   and handed him the controller.
With a big smile on his face he gave me my gift, when you open up Gmail there is a tab there called Site for making web pages and he also suggested that I might want to use it to set up an online shop for all my goods.  He's also going to help me with getting a Paypal account and a few other things I'll need to set up the shop, but then I'll have my own little business, something to help me retain some of my independence.  I had wanted to have everything connected and actually to go google with this venture the entire time and now I can.  Once I get a little further ahead, I'll set up a PO box and take full command of my work room turfing some of the stuff we aren't using because there is no room to cut fabric, let alone swing a cat.
Oh and when I look at exactly what the gift was, it makes me smile, it wasn't the knowledge of the website page builder that was the gift, it was that I needed it and he had been listening to me all along.  I feel awesome and well appreciated, because every woman really just wants to know she's been heard.
As for me, I've been working on the webpage all day, and I find the site builder confusing.  I'm going to be adding more and more to the site as I go, slowly adding my stock and keeping tabs of everything online. I think this is going to do me a lot of good, especially if I team it up with something like ad-sense or not... really not so sure on that one, but I will give it a look before completely dismissing it.

Sleepy, so very sleepy...

I don't know what's going on.  I go to bed, I sleep, up to 12 hours wake up for a few hours, then go back to sleep for 10 hours, yesterday was up for 10 whole hours, then woke up 14 hours later.... What the Hell!!!
It's like this: every day I have good intentions of going for a walk.  This is much needed because I'm not in the best of health, you know, pushing 50, overweight, grumpy from croning, and my bowels and I, I swear, are enemies.  I know the walking would help in all aspects of my life, and the park entrance is less than 100 meters away maybe closer to 80 meters, and I can't find my way  there?  I don't get it, it's not laziness, it's this damn sleeping, and I feel so bloated some days and like the bathroom is just too far away and my fear of not making it in time keeps me in the house, and sometimes in bed, because it's right beside the bathroom.
You might be thinking I should see a doctor about this, I have, I've got IBS and all the troubles that go with.  In fact, I've known for years about my condition and learned to live around it.  It's at the time in my life where it's not some days are better than others, but some weeks are better than others.  It's why I like to have at home projects, and why I am working on creating my own business.
On home days I hand sew, crochet, knit, work on wands, draw, paint and other small creative endeavors. It keeps me happy and it keeps my hopes up.  It gives me something to do during the day so I don't stagnate and fret about not getting out and about, but this sleeping business is now cutting into my days.
There is wild harvesting to be done, and health wise I need to get out and stretch my legs.  For now, I keep up with my healthy diet, mostly fruit and veg, very little meat, and lots of whole grains.  I do know how to take care of myself, but sometimes, I'm in no shape, and my companion takes over and looks out for me, this means, take out food and feet up chair (lazy boy) and lots of sleep.  So, I guess that means I'm stuck in Catch 22 land, and I need to find a way to do the things I want to do when I want to do them.  It's a little like being in a gilded cage, only my health is what's holding the key.  I'm doing as the doctor has said, plenty of bedrest and a healthy diet, and walks when I can.   So, now when I need it most, the walks are out of the question.  When I can I'll be picking up some supplies so that I can continue crafting and work towards one of two big plans.  1. to adhere closely to the Wheel of the Year and become more in-tune with the witchy side of me. 2. to create an inventory of items for sale to help support my venture.  I'm hoping to have some stock by Samhain, I already have some actually, but they are in transit here from my son's house.  I have them boxed up, but getting them here is the problem.
I don't drive, my sight is slightly off from my stigmatism and that is enough to keep me from getting a license; however I am always optomistic and they have those cute little scooters (which are more my speed anyways), so once I have one of those, which is in the plans for my birthday at the end of the month, then I will have my magic broom, so to speak.   Living up by Westwood Lake has it's advantages, like the Park and the quiet, however there are disadvantages as well, such as shopping is miles away, and the bus runs every half hour, but is never on time and is often cut when they are running low, which means that you can wait at the bus stop for an hour or more  .  My partner works night shift, so when I want to shop, (daylight hours), he's too tired and cranky, or sleeping.  We are lucky with grocery shopping and I can get some supplies at the local Superstore which is open until 11 pm.  I would rather shop during the day, and be able to make pilgramages to the beach, the mountains, the shops and the places that sell local handcrafters items (like mine), or even head with my stuff to the local farmers market.
I don't know about you, but I like to get into the zen of things.  I focus on my intent, enjoy the selecting of the items I need.  I take my time and what I need just comes to my fingertips, and it's always a good price.  Yes, these are the things I am missing, and have been missing for the past 9 months since we moved to this location.  I admit that it was a bad move, but we will do our best to get past this and we are also working on a plan to move to a better location.  However, the focus remains, getting healthy, walking, finding out what makes me sleep so much, and getting out and about more so that I don't feel so housebound and depressed.  As you can see, I kind of miss shopping, for shopping's sake, not the grocery shopping kind, but the browsing and selecting of delightful little things.  One can only do so much with the selection at the superstore.  LOL!

Surprise, Surprise...LOL

I went for a walk in my park today, but instead of going in my usual entrance which is here,

I wandered up the College Drive a little bit further towards the first turn-off to the right.  The reason for this is simple,  I decided that I would make a secret garden in the park and what looked like a perfect location was a small field in behind the scrub at the end of the Cul-de-sac.  I had looked up everything on Google Maps and Google Earth.  So I see the road, and walk in towards the Cul-de-sac that I know is at the end of a houseless street (according to the maps); however, this road is no longer houseless, there are, I believe four houses there, three closer to College Drive, and one near to the little round about.  Along this road is a fine selection of wild flowers that usually grow near woods, in the open areas.

I see these pretty blue flowers all over Nanaimo, along the roads and more wide open areas.

Broom is everywhere, and next time I'm remembering to poke a spare bag in my collector bag, so I can drag some home, dry it out and try my hands at making a besom style broom.

This little beauty was covered in purple flowers, and bees by the score were harvesting full throttle,how perfect I want an apiary in my secret garden, this would be ideal, so close and convenient.

This thistle too, gave me time to reflect on how wonderful this area would be.

'Well now!  This is exciting!' I thought and became giddy with delight at how close to the Hedge (the forest wall that seperates the tame and lawful from the wild and unlawful) this was.  I walked past the fancy and final house and my anticipation grew so much so that I could feel a big smile all across my face, only to be greeted by this:

and this:

Well I am a witch, a hedge-ryder, and a trouble maker extraordinaire.  I will not be held back by lame signs that mean to keep me from my goal.  I want a a secret garden and I will have one or know the reason why!  I put on my grumpy Ember face and trudged along the poorly blocked path into the scrub area just in beyond the rocks.  Ok, so no secret garden here, for there was downfall and roots standing on end, and big rock piles and no way to get past anything.  In fact, it was dangerous in there.  I knew that a new sub-division was going in not to far from the other end of those rocks, so there would be no privacy.  Although my way was blocked and this site holds absolutely no promise for creating my garden aspirations, there are some prospects on the other side of the lake, so all is not lost.  It is mid dayish and I don't do well in heat and sunlight.  I'm very fair skinned, and can be burn within 15 minutes of exposure to the sun, so I wear large baggy clothes and a hat that covers me up and provides shade, but still has a tendency to cause overheating.  I looked around my little lost area and in no time discovered a path that lead into a familiar part of the Park I'd been exploring.  I quickly made for the path with little more than a hint of regret for the loss of future garden and headed into the woods, my favorite part of any walk.

Looks like I found the forest spirit.  I want to come back and look at her, see where she's pointing, it looks like the other side of the lake, but I could be wrong.  All in all it was an excellent and informative walk.  I have lots of food for thought, now that my sleeping is back on track. 

 I finally got my partner to understand that I don't have to sleep with him when he works graveyards, but I can come and visit him, lay down until he falls asleep, do my chores, and return close to waking time and be there as he wakes up, then he doesn't miss me so much.  It has been difficult for us, this graveyard shift, but we are starting to get the hang of it and devell,op a new rhythem for a happy and productive life.

A quick definition on chores is in order as well.  I don't work, or at this point bring a penny into the house.  My partner completely supports me; however, I cook and clean, this is my nature, I love a neat house, and he is a tidy man, so it's not a bother.  He wants me to relax and enjoy my life, be as though retired.  He wants me to take the time to work on my arts, my crafts, my magic and my cooking, reading, writing, all the things I wanted to do, but never had time to do when I was supporting my kids all on my own.  He likes my art and he wants me to be the artist I was meant to be.  He supports me financially, emotionally, spiritually and even promotes my work to others.  Everything else aside, I am a lucky girl, to have someone like him and it's worth putting up with the shenanigans, guess that's what it means by unconditional love.  <3

A Little Wand Work

I am truly enjoying the end of Mercury in Retrograde.  Being back on track is just one of the advantages.  Doors and Eyes were opened between my partner and myself that should bring an ease to what has always been a turbulent relationship.  Commitments are being kept and the atmosphere is jubilant.  I'm loving it f.  Of course I know that it will ebb and flow a bit, however the intensity and frequency is gone.  I once again have the freedom to do as I please and get things done.
This include my cedar wand.  I've decided that it should be a wand for hedgecrossing.  I have been practicing my vines and using felt pens drew some blue morning glories around the wand.  However, when I went to use a fixative on it, so it wouldn't run, it ran.  I guess I need to protect and then ink it in, and then protect again.  Luckily I can sand off the old picture and put a new one on top.  I think I need to invest in some indelible inks in green, red, blue, blue, and brown.  Looks as though I have a little research and hunting to do.  I'm good with that though.  I should have the wand done by Samhain.
As well I want to work on some more magic items, not sure what, but it will come to me.  Sean is being more amenable to heading to my Son's place so I can pick up my things.  He even has access to a truck, so I might be able to do it one fell sweep.
I think, though, if I am smart, I shall work on my business cards.  I really want to get my name out there and start getting orders in to more personalize the items towards the user.  Once again I"m dithering at the end of a strangely satisfying but long day.  Time to grab my private journal and hit the sheets.

The End of Mercury in Retrograde is upon us! :D

It is 1:38 am as I write this now, on the 26th of August, 2011.  Mercury in Retrograde is now over, and there was even a sense of it coming on.  My partner looked up at me lovingly as we were ambling out of bed in the afternoon and said "Did you know it's National Kiss and Make-Up day?"  Then he gave me a kiss and I looked at him knowing what was coming to an end, and kissed him back, how appropriate, the fates certainly have a sense of humour.  I feel better and so far so good, no bickering, no mean, no constant threat of attack.  I feel like I"m more in tune with my own life now too.
I also have discovered that if I want to get anything done, I will have to keep notes and my own form of Daily agenda that includes my magical data, phases of the moon, mercury in Retrograde, Sean's schedule, and any upcoming events.  On bad days with Sean, I don't get an opportunity to get to my lappy as often as I may need to, because he's being so needy and demanding, micromanaging my every movement when he has his I am King of the Universe spells going on.  By keeping a copy by my bed, I can plan what needs to be done next and when to redo something; it's not a big deal unless I make it one.  I have started to use this and it's working well, at least so far.  I'm getting ahead of the mayhem and the mess, and my stockpiles are going up.
Today I am working on my wands, as Sean watched me, he started to rummage through his tools, since I was using an emery board for my nails to sand my cedar wand.  The next thing I know he's handing me a file, a mini saw and a whetstone for my knife so I can sharpen it.  I thought that was so sweet, so as demanding as he might be, he is also loving and one of the most supportive people I've ever had in my life.  This is why I stay, because the bad stuff we work through and unlike most guys, he's willing to work through it, and his good stuff is excellent.  All in all when weighing the good against the bad, the good wins out every time, besides he looks so damn cute in his security guard outfit.
And now back to my wand-crafting before bedtime.

On the bottom is a cedar branch with twigs and bark removed.  On the top is a more polished version, sanded and more smooth.  I still have a lot of work to do, but you can see that it is one step closer to completion.  I think what I will do, is continue to smooth and round off each end, then I'm going to draw on some embellishments as the Muse guides me, and perhaps practise my carving skills, with some embellishments as well.  This is my first real attempt at wand making, and I want it to look good and still work.

Reclusive by Nature

For  a long time I have tinkered with the idea of being a recluse; moving into the woods, living off the land, selling a few items for what I can't grow or make myself.  There are several things involved here that sort of make this interesting.  I'm not some city woman rambling about moving into the woods because she has had it with society, so it's no snit.  I actually lived in the woods with my husband and kids nineteen years ago, where we lived off the land.  I grew fruits and berries and vegetables of all types, even had a green house.  I got up every morning, lit the cook stove, made the breakfast, taught the kids, tended the garden, ran the household.  Our cottage housed four of us and was twenty feet, by twelve feet.  The kids loft was across from ours, theirs being more of room, with two beds and a large play area to play with their legos in during the winter.  It was wide open, so there was no privacy anywhere in that house except for the bathroom.  Our loft was basically a pedestal for our matress with drawers and storage beneath it.  Under the kids loft was a small den, teaching area (the kids were homeschooled), and a bathroom with a shower and toilet (one does not want to be running to the outhouse at the edge of the when it's bear season. We had a tiny kitchen with a wood stove where I preserved things by jarring, like salmon, deer, fruits and vegetables.  I also had two cold rooms, one beneath the house and one on the northern face of the house, for storing winter vegetables.  After a couple of years of living like this and finding I was doing the majority of the work, I went on strike and we moved into town.  I do not see how going hunting with your buddies everyday and coming back with nothing, but that stupid I been smoking pot all afternoon and you don't know smile truly contributes to the household.  I was worn out, doing everything myself and catering to the whims of a big baby of a man and when we moved into town I discovered more about his antics and lady friends, so he became my ex, and I moved me and my children away from the peace of the Queen Charlotte Islands. I miss my home in the woods, and had it just been me, I would have stayed.
So this is something I know I can accomplish.  I mostly want garden space and a place to put my head at night, or just watch the stars.  I look forward to working in the garden during the spring summer and autumn, falling to studying during the winter.  I craft and make things out of nature, so I will have mountain to study and collect in .  I am highly creative and at this point in my life just want to devote myself to my studies.  I have one thing in the way.... My partner, who I love very much.
I am in a relationship, it is not easy, he is very in tune with me and feels me want to run away and enjoy my freedom.  everytime I get the inclination, things become intense because he grips tighter.  I just need space, but the tighter he reigns me in, the more animosity I build up towards him.  He is trying to give me the freedom to do as I please.  If only trying were succeeding and I do give him credit for his attempts.  We do love each other, but that being said, is love enough.  I know it should be and I keep that thought in mind.  I have found that sometimes by giving in, I am rewarded with more freedom. Couples are all about power struggles, and I hate power struggles.  Being adults and working towards a happy medium is what we both are doing, but anyone who's been in a relationship knows that there are factors that need to be taken into account and that there is always more to things than breaking up.  What's the point if you are inexplicably drawn back to each other over and over again.  Anyone who's been there knows what I am talking about.  Learning to be together is part of the relationship process, just as much as learning to be apart.  This makes it hard for me, because for the most part, I wish to be alone, not catering to anyone else.  I've catered to others all my life.  I want to be responsible just for me, I'm fifty years old and I have been responsible for people since I was a small girl, starting with my little sister when I was five, then my mom when I was ten needed constant watching and keeping out of trouble, and then it blossomed, with my mom always bringing me back home to look after her and my father until he died, my sister also pulled me in to look after mom after dad died.  I had kids, far to many family members and boyfriends pulling me in to look after this and that, each one telling me that I was being pulled from the important responsibilities.  Each participant in this dance of the responisibilities believes they are special and that they are the only one allowed to make demands on my time, all others are interferring and I must cast them aside now.  In their eyes, first and foremost, I am a worker bee, busy and chipper, always smiling, always needing something to do so that I can be happy.  I have explained to my family and friends that I don't mind helping out once in a while, but I happy to work quickly, so I can get on to my OWN endeavers.  I have put some things off for over twenty years and now my body is not fit enough to do what I wanted and sadly enough there was not enough time for me to exercise in the past few years and now I"m really out of shape.  I absolutely do not need help finding things to do, I have a huge pile of unfinished projects vetoed by well meaning friends and relations.
The only one who actually gets that I really need freedom to be creative now is my partner, so I'm not in a hurry to turn my back on him.  We are working both of us, to achieve freedom and serenity within our home.  This being the case, I may very well just include him in my plans, but do them behind his back and then move him in.  Or perhaps, I'll be a sometimes hermit, going on sebaticles to get away from it all.  Ultimately, where I am at in my life, if anything were to happen to Sean and I find myself on my own, I would want to have my own little hermitage to fall back on.
All my little forays into the Westwood Lake area, and looking at Mount Benson, I'm sure I could find a little secluded acreage, where I could put up a temporary shelter with a bed and fireplace, as well as an intensive garden. 
Well that is a lot to think about, all for a little freedom and security for my future. LOL
Perhaps less talky-talky, writey-writey and more looky-looky in the park is in order.

The importance of printing and cursive writing

I was watching the news the other day and I discovered something most disheartening in this intellectual, technical age.  Did you know that your child is no longer being taught to print?  Yes, they are being taught keyboarding skills, but, they are not being taught to print.  Oh yes and cursive writing has gone by the wayside a while back.  What the hell!!!
Yes, I mean What the hell, not WTH or the ever popular WTF, and thanks is not spelled thx.  I cringe when I think about what we are doing to our language skills.  The very act of learing to print and write helps us study art, or is art going by the wayside as well.  My God, are we going to be sketching on a computer and getting the computer to copy the colours so it can be perfect, or will  photographs replace art. 
I'm completely boggled, I do not know what to say.  I mean come on, is it too late to bring back printing and writing.  Or is that going to become something that we have to get tutors for our kids in the future.  I just want to shake someone, this can't be correct, but it is.  Are we going to follow the path of Farenheit 451.  I know that progress demands we move on, but I feel this move is in the wrong direction.
Crafting, writing, reading, sewing, cooking, gardening, these are all a big part of my life.  I don't know that being unable to write using pen and paper is something we can do.  I just can't see why we would want to loose such an important part of expressing ourselves.  If so, there would not be so many alphabets, so many written languages. I'm going off to growl in my room and think.  I believe that something needs to be done about this!!!
Ahhhh!, but one more thing before I go, we move forward until we can't move forward any longer, and what happens when technology breaks down and we have to go back to basics.  That is something we may one day have to face.  I have had a full life, built houses, made furniture, sewed, cooked cleaned, created things, ridden horses and many other old fashioned skills that are no longer really taught, just handed down.  I have written instructions on how to do a lot of things.  This may one day be important, let's just hope they don't get rid of reading.  Although one would think if reading is gotten rid of there would be no more need for schools.
I must stop thinking about this, it's burdoning my soul.

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder

Have you ever made something and someone told you that they felt it could be better, or it's not your best work is it?  Or they said something that at first seems nice, but in retrospect it was catty and unnecessary, or just plain freaking mean.  Making things whether it's a painting, a dress, a story, or a cake, it's all art in some way, and you have put a bit of you in it.  Who needs to hear peoples crappy opinion of your work, especially when you are in the initial phases of learning, after all what have they done that's so great.
For a long time other peoples words would fester in my head as I tried to make something better (for them).  I just never could and I would feel angry because I felt I had wasted my time.  I had trusted these peoples opinions because they came to me as someone I held in esteem whether they were friend or family member.  Then someone, one day, made a big mistake and insulted me on something where I reign supreme, they knocked my cooking.  I am a damn fine cook, I have been since I was a young girl.  I can walk into a kitchen and make something out of practically nothing and make it taste good to boot.  Well I looked that person in the eye and I said "Really, lets see you do better."  There was dead quiet in the room as they tried to explain that they needed to have just the right pots and ingredients.  I just turned to them and in a loud whisper I said "No... I want you to do better with what I had to work with, come on lets see you."  I made room for them in the kitchen and they then had to admit they didn't know that much about cooking and they backed off and disappeared, never to be heard of again. 
I do not know why people do this and I don't care.  However, don't take to heart anything bad that anyone says.  For the most part, they are just blowing smoke out their ass, making you look small so that they can look large.  It is a shallow game they play and one you can easily avoid by saying a simple thank you, without an explanation.  You know where you are with what you are doing, and if you think you are improving, you are.  If you think you are in a rut, try a different genre.  Do not give up on yourself, practise will improve anything.  It took me a long time to find the things I really liked doing and the interesting thing about that was I discovered I was good at what I liked.  The more I liked it the better I became at it.  I still have a long way to go to be really good, but I am pleased with my progress on things. 
I am also fortunate enough to have a partner who thinks it's the cutest thing in the world when I'm sitting on my lazyboy with the feet up and knitting one of my little hats.  He watches my progress and tells me those are good enough to sell.  He wears some of my hats and sometimes people even want to buy them... It's really odd that the ones people want to buy are the ones I can't bear to part with, (like my completely black santa hat).  My partner has talked me into making a whole bunch of various pieces, some hats, some charms, some pretty little bits and bobs, and when I have enough stock, he's going to rent me a stall at the farmers market.  I hope that anyone whose had the "you suck speech" meet ups with a person as supportive as my partner.  And one more thing to remember, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, but not all need to be heard or accounted for.  When you make art, it is for you, it does not matter what anyone else thinks, all that matters is what you think.

A quick addendum to this little rambling rant, If someone who is good at what you do offers you constructive criticism so you can improve, that is a whole different matter.  Even if it comes across as a little gruff, they will show you something for your level that will help your work immensely if you are open to it.  Like if Wolfgang Puck slaps your soggy pizza crust into your hand and then offers for you to come to his restaurant and he will teach you to make a proper one, those you just have to jump on.

Wheel of the Year

So while my partner has been at work, I've been working on my blog and my arts and crafts.  I've been talking about creating a Wheel of the Year, and I started it days ago.  I made the circle, divided into eighths and then penciled in a besom broom, titling it Samhain and posting the date.  After much staring, the next day I added Yule and the date, and the third day I added a wreath beneath the title.  I really wanted to do this, but I couldn't get into it.  So I started studying my moon phases and days of the week correspondences, creating an agenda for the next year for myself, getting me in closer contact with my subject matter, the year.

As soon as I had finished the calender I had a sudden desire to fill in my Samhain section on my Wheel of the Year.  I'm looking at my completed work and am quite pleased with it.  I just got right into it and let it happen.  I was excited to do it and everything just revealed itself.  I like the folk artsy feel of it and the way it triggers memories for me.  It was a fun project and kept me awake until close to when my partner gets home, he's home at seven am.  It was good to get it finished and I feel like I accomplished something.

The Wheel of the Year

It’s barely august and I’m already thinking about Samhain.  I have been reading and getting in touch with myself and my arts and crafts, the little things I do every day.  I am so bad at doing the right thing at the right time because I become sidetracked or distracted.  It’s like a curse, and guilt had always worked wonders upon me.  Finally, my partner, one of the worst offenders told me I should start saying no.  He noticed I was becoming unwell for extended periods of time and that I rarely seemed to get a moment to myself to do what I wanted to and when I finally did it will filled with constant interruptions.  He was awesome in the way he pointed it out and from that I have discovered that time is starting to slow down and that there is time for me now that I have no back in my vocabulary.  With that said I want to create a blog devoted more to the Wheel of the Year and less time on my trials and tribulations with my personal life.

Officially, the blog won’t really start until the 31^st of October, however; I will be updating, adding and subtracting various elements, until I have it stylized just right to my needs, and hopefully you too will enjoy the read.  For now, I will just let you know what I am up to and where I am headed until that remarkably fateful day occurs.

During the year, I will outline my rituals, discuss my wild-crafting travels and the goodies I pick up, my crafting and creating of magical items, my journey to find a shamanic teacher so I can get to my next level, and so much more.  I’m excited about this journey, because I think it will bring me closer to my true spiritual nature.  Hell, even my partner is backing me up, and he isn't a pagan.  I figure I have enough time to get calendars together and everything set up so I can bring them up in advance.  A calendar of events for the month, followed by that month’s magical journal, holy days, and moon phases and the antics I get up to (including pictures).  I am fortunate enough to live 5 minutes away from Westwood Lake in Nanaimo, so foraging for wild-crafting will be an amazing adventure in itself.
I am also creative and enjoy crafting of all types, cooking, sewing, knitting, crocheting, drawing and much more, and as I create thing magically, I will be posting what I do.
In other words, welcome to my magical life.