For a long time I have tinkered with the idea of being a recluse; moving into the woods, living off the land, selling a few items for what I can't grow or make myself. There are several things involved here that sort of make this interesting. I'm not some city woman rambling about moving into the woods because she has had it with society, so it's no snit. I actually lived in the woods with my husband and kids nineteen years ago, where we lived off the land. I grew fruits and berries and vegetables of all types, even had a green house. I got up every morning, lit the cook stove, made the breakfast, taught the kids, tended the garden, ran the household. Our cottage housed four of us and was twenty feet, by twelve feet. The kids loft was across from ours, theirs being more of room, with two beds and a large play area to play with their legos in during the winter. It was wide open, so there was no privacy anywhere in that house except for the bathroom. Our loft was basically a pedestal for our matress with drawers and storage beneath it. Under the kids loft was a small den, teaching area (the kids were homeschooled), and a bathroom with a shower and toilet (one does not want to be running to the outhouse at the edge of the when it's bear season. We had a tiny kitchen with a wood stove where I preserved things by jarring, like salmon, deer, fruits and vegetables. I also had two cold rooms, one beneath the house and one on the northern face of the house, for storing winter vegetables. After a couple of years of living like this and finding I was doing the majority of the work, I went on strike and we moved into town. I do not see how going hunting with your buddies everyday and coming back with nothing, but that stupid I been smoking pot all afternoon and you don't know smile truly contributes to the household. I was worn out, doing everything myself and catering to the whims of a big baby of a man and when we moved into town I discovered more about his antics and lady friends, so he became my ex, and I moved me and my children away from the peace of the Queen Charlotte Islands. I miss my home in the woods, and had it just been me, I would have stayed.
So this is something I know I can accomplish. I mostly want garden space and a place to put my head at night, or just watch the stars. I look forward to working in the garden during the spring summer and autumn, falling to studying during the winter. I craft and make things out of nature, so I will have mountain to study and collect in . I am highly creative and at this point in my life just want to devote myself to my studies. I have one thing in the way.... My partner, who I love very much.
I am in a relationship, it is not easy, he is very in tune with me and feels me want to run away and enjoy my freedom. everytime I get the inclination, things become intense because he grips tighter. I just need space, but the tighter he reigns me in, the more animosity I build up towards him. He is trying to give me the freedom to do as I please. If only trying were succeeding and I do give him credit for his attempts. We do love each other, but that being said, is love enough. I know it should be and I keep that thought in mind. I have found that sometimes by giving in, I am rewarded with more freedom. Couples are all about power struggles, and I hate power struggles. Being adults and working towards a happy medium is what we both are doing, but anyone who's been in a relationship knows that there are factors that need to be taken into account and that there is always more to things than breaking up. What's the point if you are inexplicably drawn back to each other over and over again. Anyone who's been there knows what I am talking about. Learning to be together is part of the relationship process, just as much as learning to be apart. This makes it hard for me, because for the most part, I wish to be alone, not catering to anyone else. I've catered to others all my life. I want to be responsible just for me, I'm fifty years old and I have been responsible for people since I was a small girl, starting with my little sister when I was five, then my mom when I was ten needed constant watching and keeping out of trouble, and then it blossomed, with my mom always bringing me back home to look after her and my father until he died, my sister also pulled me in to look after mom after dad died. I had kids, far to many family members and boyfriends pulling me in to look after this and that, each one telling me that I was being pulled from the important responsibilities. Each participant in this dance of the responisibilities believes they are special and that they are the only one allowed to make demands on my time, all others are interferring and I must cast them aside now. In their eyes, first and foremost, I am a worker bee, busy and chipper, always smiling, always needing something to do so that I can be happy. I have explained to my family and friends that I don't mind helping out once in a while, but I happy to work quickly, so I can get on to my OWN endeavers. I have put some things off for over twenty years and now my body is not fit enough to do what I wanted and sadly enough there was not enough time for me to exercise in the past few years and now I"m really out of shape. I absolutely do not need help finding things to do, I have a huge pile of unfinished projects vetoed by well meaning friends and relations.
The only one who actually gets that I really need freedom to be creative now is my partner, so I'm not in a hurry to turn my back on him. We are working both of us, to achieve freedom and serenity within our home. This being the case, I may very well just include him in my plans, but do them behind his back and then move him in. Or perhaps, I'll be a sometimes hermit, going on sebaticles to get away from it all. Ultimately, where I am at in my life, if anything were to happen to Sean and I find myself on my own, I would want to have my own little hermitage to fall back on.
All my little forays into the Westwood Lake area, and looking at Mount Benson, I'm sure I could find a little secluded acreage, where I could put up a temporary shelter with a bed and fireplace, as well as an intensive garden.
Well that is a lot to think about, all for a little freedom and security for my future. LOL
Perhaps less talky-talky, writey-writey and more looky-looky in the park is in order.