I have always done my magic on the fly. My workings constrained by jobs, my mother, my kids, partners (there were only a few, but some had incredible demands on my time and I was always a long term kind of girl), friends. I pick things up easily, have a generous nature, work hard and have acquired a number of good skills. I also make friends easily and here is where the rub comes. Not all people who are friendly towards you are true friends, although they say they are, you can find yourself mired in their work as well as your own. I was forever helping with resumes, or anything clerical, as well as cooking, cleaning, etc., and there was nothing in it for me, for once I'd performed my task they were too busy with their own life to return the favor. So, in the last little while I have learnt to say no I'm busy, especially after seeing how much I had accomplished for others and how little I have for myself. It's bad business, the whole lot of it. I love my new word and it's good to be able to say it and mean it. I've even learned not to explain myself, that just opens it up for people to convince you why it should be yes, (ever heard the words "I would never do that" duck and cover, get out of there fast. A flat out no stands up on it's own and a quick stern look locks it into place.
For the first time in my witching career, I can actually plan my rituals, and spellwork, as well as my craftings. This makes me happy, as I've done well on the fly, but I like to imagine that I can do more if I perform my work at the more auspicious times. Although I've done well in the past, I never really felt that connection. I kept hoping that as I grew stronger I would feel it, but no. There is a whole hierarchy to connecting with the spiritual side and talent aside I just felt like too much was missing. I needed to more fully commit.
After reading a few blogs, The Witch of Forest Grove and Swampwitchery were the ones that I clung to most. I had always been interested in brooms, flying ointments, and the history of witchcraft. I never believed that witches simply crawled on a broom and flew about the skys. I just had to know more and strangely enough, I wanted to try it. I wanted to go where they went, however they went and see what they saw. So that too is part of my journey, to get more in touch with my spiritual me go over the hedge, commune with my relatives on the other side of the hedge.
The other thing that was lacking was my homage to my diety, Ember, the Spark of Creation. I have always loved that name, Ember. It came to me when I was a young girl and in studying the name discovered it was also part of the ember months, or the burning months. It has a lovely history all it's own and in my head I chose her as my deity. I worship her and try to emulate my ideals of her. I do not believe she created thing,s all on her own, I believe she has a consort, that changes, and I had decided this long before I had ever read any history of people and religion and pagan history etc. Even as a child I knew it took two to create a world and it was their dynamic natures that governed it. I understood that woman tended the hearth and made the home beautiful and that men kept it safe, and stocked with meat. That being said, men had a life cycle that was much less than a womans so in my young mind it just made sense that Ember and her consort ruled the universe. However that is an entry for another day. Needless to say, I have not been sacrificing or paying homage, as she so justly deserves. In my life I have had losses, but losses are different, they are lessons to be reminded of or learnt, but they are not in lieu of holding the divine in a state of reverence and presenting them with gifts for the many gifts they give us. I was not lazy, I was interrupted with too many things on my plate. In the last couple of months I have been giving gifts when and where I can, a home made biscuit with yummy raspberry jam, a piece of fine imported chocolate, some fruits, but I need to learn more about gifting the gods. It's not a payment, I do love my Ember dearly, I want to make her happy, because she makes me happy.
As simplistic as this entry is, it is leading to the fact that things must be done auspiciously and never before have I felt such a pull as now. I am working on my crafting room, which will also contain several altars, one to Ember, one to my ancestors, and perhaps one for the consort. I'll be working on my timing of events and will be using my Correspondances more diligently from now on. Making sure I'm doing things at the right time of the month, on the right day of the week. Eventually I will have a Correspondance for what you do magically during the year, but I want to get first the first wheel of the year before I'm out of my depth.
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