Friday, September 30, 2011

The Get off your Broom Witchy Fitness Challenge

After a lot of sitting around and wishing I'd spent more time outside enjoying the weather.  I got up off my butt and looked at the big mirror in our living room.  I normally don't like looking there.... the silvered glass is so stark.... and honest however this is what greeted me:
That's me in all my glory... and don't I look thrilled.  Truth be told, I'm only 5 foot 2 and weigh a whopping 170 pounds.  As for my measurements, they go something like this:
hips 46 inches
waist 35 inches
chest 41 inches
thighs 24 inches
arms 14 inches
This is not acceptable to me.  How am I supposed to tromp through the woods and collect things without leaving more destruction than it's worth.  I let it get to far.
My true goal is to loose 60 pounds, but for now, for this project I'm halving it and for the next 3 months my goal is to loose 10 pounds a month.
The plan is simple, I will walk in my woods for an hour, every other day. On the alternate days I will do calisthenics for half an hour.  I've always eaten healthy, so that's not a problem, it's more about portion size.  My partner likes to encourage me to eat up it's yummy.  The food is yummy, but the added fat is not, so I'll be saying no to seconds and thirds.
So there you have it... my first post for the Get off your broom, Witchy Fitness Challenge.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

It all started with a root.

About 15 years ago, give or take a year, I lived on Haida Gwaii with my family.  We had a small piece of land, about an acre located off the Island Highway between the Skidegate dump and Tlell.  My kids were young and our property kept us pretty busy, so there was not a lot of time for me to practice witch craft.  However, I did a lot of knitting, sewing and cooking up there and got those skills up, and those come in handy for other witchy things.  I'm  getting off track here, so I'll get on with it.  I really wanted a wand and I didn't have one and I had no idea how to get one, so I called out to the heavens and I asked for one.  
In fact the truth of the matter was I'd been arguing with my husband all morning and he was being a bully and wrecking everyone's fun so I wanted to blast him in the ass with the wand. My kids were not allowed to run up and down the beach in case people were there.  My son was hyperactive and needed a run, but the way my husband (his step dad) made it out was that my kid was out of control and do something bad and unpredictable.  Not so, he was just exuberant at times not an ass.  Anyways I had wanted my son to have a good run and get a little tired and relaxed. Finally Valen capitulated and decided to run with Lloyd up towards the end of the beach but I'd have to watch Matt. So as soon as they ran off, I took Matt by the hand and got him to walk with me towards a grove of trees between the road and the beach.  I told him I wanted a wand and that I had a feeling there was one here.  We looked all over the place without finding anything and finally I get called over to where Valen and Lloyd were; they were ready to go home now.  As luck would have it I tripped over a root and loosened it. There at my feet was a stick about 15 inches long. 
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled up as I realized I found my wand.  It was old and gnarled, all covered in dirt, but I could feel this power emanating from it.  So I grabbed it and took it home without really looking at it.  First chance I got a lone,   I took a toothbrush to the root and flicked off all the dust, and left it in that state for many years.... Many many years... However, I kept it with me and used it in the state it was in.... a natural wand full of power is nothing to be sneezed at, specially when it's a gift.
Now I started to work on my Morning Glory wands just recently, and had a little luck with them, but not a lot.... the ink runs and I just don't feel the power like I do in my root wand.  I just had my birthday and of course we're broke, but my partner found a $20 and even though he didn't want to have to run around, he told me he would take me anywhere I wanted to go.... I now have sand paper... tons of it... well enough until I can get way more, and maybe a mask and a knife for cutting and well .... I'm doing it again and getting off topic...
I began to smooth the wood and what I thought was a plain brown stick with groves full of dust became something else....
So all smoothed up and polished with my seven league boot flying ointment, it looks like this, a rather gnarled stick, but such a brilliant red colour to the wood that used to look a sort of faded brown.  As you can see there is also a little dip there and that is perfect for my finger going in there for extra leverage... looks kinda cool actually when I hold it, and the very pointy end is the one I point with and I'll show you why.
It's a crow, it just appeared as I was smoothing things out... all on it's own, even the eye.   I've never really carved before and it was amazing the things I saw in the wood and how they just jumped right out at me... or I could be nuts LOL....
One thing I do know, this is my best all purpose wand and I love using it...

Monday, September 26, 2011

Something in the Air

There has been a strangeness in the air for months now.... a sort of heavy, somber, impending doom, this weather is all wrong, kind of feeling.  It's not just the weather though, for when you looked at how I described the time period it was emotion.  It has been strange indeed; full of harsh, unexpected break ups, fall outs in families you thought couldn't be touched, devastating illnesses that involve entirely too much sleep.  No, I'm not describing my life, actually I'm talking about the various blogs and forums, and social networks, I've been reading for months.  They are each filled with some kind of tale over the last 3 months of heart wrenching double crossing.
However, when I woke up this morning, in the wee early hours about 4:30 am, I couldn't get back to sleep for a bit and I just lay there enjoying the storm.  There was something so cleansing about it, as though it were sweeping away all the bad things that have happened since the spring.  All I know is there is a profound feeling of relief as I look at the steel grey sky and falling rain.  As grey as it is, this day is perfection.
I'm no expert in the stars, but I would have to say that something was misaligned somewhere, somehow and it took a good cooling autumnal gale to blow those nasty old cobwebs away, and return things to the usual upsets that I know how to deal with.  I'm just so happy to feel like things are going to be OK again.  My life does not feel stuck and I can move forward.  The funny thing with that statement is it has occurred in many forms over the last couple of days in emails, blogs, and other social networking forums all over the internet.  Now maybe things will start to get completed and I can once again know what it's like to feel like I've actually accomplished more than a load of dishes.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I had my mind opened

My partner and I are going through changes, I'm croneing and he started off in a new career just a couple of months ago, fresh out of Security Guard School.  We're learning to make adjustments, but it is an uphill battle which often leaves me far more exhausted than I should be.  I have felt alone and truly I think I am.  We are quite different him and I, he is clever, fast, hasty, witty; I am patient, thorough, wise, scholarly, spiritual.  We are having a rough spot, and I see from other blogs, I am not the only one.  In the next few days, that should be changing, the winds should be bringing in some excitement and good fortune.
And so it did, I was sitting in my living room ignoring TV and feeling like crap after my partner left yelling at me because who he wanted to yell at wasn't there and he needed someone to yell at.  My heart felt heavy and tears were flowing freely down my cheek because I've been so frustrated with all the nonsense the last week, and the top of my shirt was soaked. When suddenly I heard a strong low female voice say "Be strong small one, I am here and we will get through this together you and I." I suddenly felt like I was being enveloped in a large hug (like the ones your mom gives you when the world knocks you down.  "I, Freya, will keep you safe, little one, no more will he harm you."
Now I know I was tired and sad and I've been reading a lot of Norse mythology in the last few days, but it was just the right thing at just the right time.  She told me to grab my 7 league boots, which is what I call my Flying Ointment and to put it on, finish my movie and then grab the little fleece blanket and head to bed.   She came to me and we crossed the Hedge together, and then she introduced me to my spirit guide, a humming bird.  I don't know much about this, but I'm willing to learn.  I suspect that I have communed with Freya in a small aspect.  We talked about what my options and opportunities are.  I feel better, not so sad.  I know others may think I'm nuts, but then so was Noah and he built an ark.  
I truly never thought I would hear the voice so clearly, and  I was getting so old I thought I had been passed over, never to be more than a mere dabbler.  My ears are open now, and she talks to me sometimes, reminding me to be strong and with a little message of what I can do to keep my cool.  My partner has been on the warpath so much, that even the bed is a battleground.  I keep the blanket with me always and feel safe, like when I was a little girl using my blanket as a flying carpet to get away from the evil Vizier.
I am worn out from trying to work things out in my relationship with my partner, yes, he supports me, but my consequences keep me from having any kind of quality of life.  I have removed the rose coloured glasses and decided to save myself.  It will take a little time, but at least this time it's on my terms.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Fall Apple Strussel Coffee Cake

I could not help myself today when I want shopping.   I saw those beautiful Macintosh apples in the bin and had to have them.   They have that perfect tart sweet flavor for eating, however it fares equally well when you cook them.  They are quite versatile indeed and fairly hardy, keeping well in the fridge.  So I gathered a nice big bag full and as soon as my partner was off to work I began to explore my options.  I wanted something heartwarming, with a little crunch and piquancy.  Anyways... I have this special little recipe for a no fail coffee cake that comes with spicy nutty struessel.
This is it in all it's glory.  The strussel has cinnamon and brown sugar for the sweetness, oats and walnuts for the crunch and a little margarine and flour to bind it all together.

Apple Strussel Coffee Cake
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 6 tbsp sugar
  • 2 tbsp oil
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 2 apples, peeled, sliced thin and soaked in a little lemon water to keep from turning brown
Mix dry ingredients together in a large bowl.  In a seperate bowl mix all liquids.  Using a spoon, quickly pour the wet ingredients into the dry and mix quickly making sure not to over mix, sort of like a biscuit, it should be slightly more liquidy then a biscuit recipe and you can spread it in an 8 by 8 inch square pan. Make a  pattern or just lay the apples across the cake, make it as pretty as you like.
Now for the struessel:
IN a small bowl toss together 
  • 1/4 cup brown sugar 
  • 2 tbsp flour
  • 1 tsp cinnamon 
  • 1/4 cup oats
  • 1/4 cup walnuts
  • 1 heaping, close to 2 tbsp margarine
In a small bowl beat the butter, add the sugar, spice flour, then once it's been thoroughly mixed add the nuts and oats, mixing now with your finger tips.  Gently scatter across the top of the cake, then put into a 400 degree oven for about 20 minutes to half an hour.  I always knew when it was done by the way it smelled.  However another good way to test is by seeing if the cake springs back at the center when poked with your finger.  Once you've mastered this you can pull it out when it smells done.

This cake cooks up quickly and can double as a nice breakfast when someone is coming off the late shift at work.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Yggdrasil and a little something called Thor

Sometimes I am completely blown away by how in-tune my partner is with me.  He has some interesting qualities and one of them is being able to select the perfect movie for the moment.  And that happened in such a big way that I'm still rather awed by it.
I never let on what I'm studying about, which in this case I've been pursuing the tree of life, in particular Yggdrasil.  I knew a little, but not that much about it, and the more I probed around the periphery, the more I became excited by what Yggdrasil represents.  Anyways, I was feeling antsy, like I'd skirted the actual subject matter so much that I completely missed it and I was never going to get around to study it more closely, when Sean turned down the lights and flicked on the TV.
As the opening credits rolled past with bits of film, I became entranced, that was how I'd pictured the rainbow bridge, and wasn't that... no it couldn't be Asgard, it was!  And then all of a sudden I recognized the tree, it was Yggdrasil and I couldn't help myself I actually squealed "Oh wow, it's Thor!"  I even jumped up and down I was so excited.
I loved watching the movie and enjoyed seeing the World Tree in all it's various aspects.  It was precious to me and better than most of the films I've seen lately.  For me, it was all about the tree and the legend of Thor and his kin.  This brief introduction has me curious about the more Norse aspects of my family, as well, the Norse did settle along the coast lines of England.  Not such a stretch to wonder if there are some repressed ancestral or genetic memories coming out.  No it wouldn't surprise me at all.  I don't recall reading much in the way of Norse mythology; it was all mostly Greek, and Roman for me as a kid.  I'm older and more adventurous now, there are so many unexplained things in my life and mythology seems to be filling some gaps.
It's time for me to get some serious reading done about the past in order for me to make better sense of my future.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Seven League Boots

Last night, after reading a blog about putting flying ointment on the soles of your feet as a way to fly over the hedge, I felt a little twinge in my brain, as it sounded so familiar to me, flying about the countryside by putting something on your feet.... like.. and then it hit me... like seven league boots.
If you've ever read the full version of Puss and Boots you remember that footwear.  I think the lads name was Lord Caraboose, (I'll have to find a copy and review it, as I've not read the story since I was about 10ish).  He stopped by the side of a stream, removed his shoes and put on the seven league boots in order to get  to another realm, I believe it was one of the worlds of faerie he was entering.  I even recall a tale about the seven league boots for another story, but that was long ago.
Anyways, it got me thinking about fairy tales and travel and flying ointments and the need to hide things out in the open.  It looks like I'll be doing some studying and seeing what other conclusions I can come up with.  I was an avid reader of Fairy and Folk Tales when I was a child, and deeply moved by mythology legend, and history.  I was always in trouble for having my head in a book... the wrong kind of book.  I was supposed to be studying math and french, social studies and science, which I found boring. It was the 70's I was female and I needed my fathers signature on my curriculum and was saddled with languages sciences math and social studies.  He wanted me to be a Travel Agent and I wanted to be an archaeologist, or a writer, or an artist and take art history, English Literature, and history.
 I think this epiphany has led to to the beginning of an adventure into the realms over the hedge, for I put the flying ointment onto the soles of my feet last night and I still feel it's effects today.  I'm trying to figure out my dosage, because I feel I can go up a little more, and after last night, I know I can knock it up another notch.  I'll wait a few days for the effects to wear off and then knock it up to a double dose, I think that should be fine, as one and a half still was not the effect I was hoping for.  I'm pleased there seems to be no hangover or headache afterwards, and that the feeling of euphoria lasts longer than the evening.
Now is the time for me to study and reflect on what my next step should be, but I suspect I'll be wandering towards a copy of Puss and Boots and seeing what kind of plants grew by the lake where the seven league boots were.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

An omen from my flying ointment

A few days ago The Witch of Forest Grove wrote a wonderful article, On Flying Ointments.  It was well written and included not only the basics of how to make one, but the various components you can use, and the implications of making ones that tend to use the more baneful herbs.  She will not give dosages, however, she provides cautions and warnings and just enough information for further study to help you along your task.  For a long time I have wanted to know just a rough guideline for more information on how to get over the hedge more easily without getting stoned.  I'm a serious student and am not looking for a cheap high.  Sometimes though, the gate to the other-side just remains elusive and all I'm looking for is the right key to get me over.  Sometimes I can get over on my own on purpose, more often than not though, I get there by accident, just bumbling over.  I'm looking for more controlled ventures.
This is not a calling for everyone, I felt the calling towards hedge-riding years ago, long before I knew about flying ointments or even what going over the hedge was.  I was very young then (about 7) and it was like watching TV these dreams, only I could somewhat control the outcome.  From then on I wanted to get over more frequently and control it.  I had no one to guide me or council me in this, yet I persisted and eventually found the information I needed here and there, to keep me going one step at a time.
I am now cobbling together all that I have learned over many years into what I call the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out"  The way I look at it, this was my tale of my journey, and what I did to get here.  It's also the journey I am now making and I don't want short cuts; it would take away from the adventures I will go on and all the exciting things that I will seen.
I did try a flying potion... I had a little wormwood.... and no I'm not telling where I got it, but I did and I have a little left, which is a good thing, because I want to use it again.  That was the herb I used when I made my flying potion on the afternoon of the 10th of September.  I didn't even wait for my partner to go to work, I was that excited and that impatient.  I read up on Wormwood and on Thujone before I continued.  I used a small amount in my potion and set it to heat in the oil on, of all things, an electric coffee warmer.  I infused the oil for the correct time and added the wax and a natural preservative (I have a full arsenal in my witches cupboard of rare and exotic, weird and bizarre).  I couldn't get it to cool fast enough and so carried it to the bathroom (in-case it was messy).  With my partner working grave-yard shift, I would have the entire night to myself to give it a try and see what happens without any interruptions.
I deliberately made it less potent, but with what I thought would be enough of a sample to see if I liked it and if it would do as I hoped.  Using my fingers to scoop out about 2 tablespoons of the very oily mass I smeared it on the back of my neck.  I don't know why I chose there, I just did.  The ointment was so greasy I was rubbing it in for a long time and ended up giving up and just letting it sit there for a bit, and then a little later I rubbed the last little bits in.
At first I didn't feel anything, but after a while, colours were more intense, and I had this sense that I could see things really clearly, as though I was truly seeing them for the first time in my life and now things made sense; at last... true clarity.  I saw where I had been going wrong with some things and what needed to be done to rectify my life and simplify things.  I had been so intent on this wheel of the year, and I still am.  I was originally going to study this year and learn more about all the rituals throughout a Witches year starting at Samhain.  About a week later I had this brilliant idea that I would open an online store and sell my crafts and get that all done for Samhain. (<This is the omen part> What I quickly realized was that although the store is a great idea, it's time has not come yet.  I need to learn more about ritual, paying homage, feasting, playing, working, magic, consecration.  I'm not ready now for the dream of the store.  However, I am ready to gather items in a couple of months and sell them off at a craft fair or farmers market. ) As I learn more, I won't struggle over the simple things and so the store (which I have wanted to do for years and years, <small business workbook dated 1990 was eye opening> perhaps decades) will have a better chance of surviving.
I saw that sometimes we as people, get caught up in the dream and completely miss out on the experience.  I was about to sell myself short.  I have been obsessed the last month crafting and studying and crafting and drawing, wanting to know everything all at once and cursing my lack of knowledge.  I was taking all the fun out of the upcoming year, and I hadn't even started it.  So I'm going back to my original plan; Wheel of the Year here I come.
There were other insights that I had as well from the flying ointment.  More personal, but helpful none the less.  I would also say yes, it helps when hedge-crossing, it did make it easier for me to lie down, relax and go over the hedge and talk to my Grandma.  The usual drowsiness I encounter when hedge crossing was not there, instead, I felt alert, but not as though I was controlling the situation, nor was I having a hallucination.
It was a positive experience and something I will take up a notch, but not a big notch.  I'm not interested in getting high, I'm interested in clarity, visions, hedge-crossing and enlightenment.  I feel this fills the bill.  There will be other experiments of course with other herbs and dosages to find the best fit for me in all this and I'm excited.  I'm keeping lots of notes in the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out" and perhaps one day I'll pass it on.  

Friday, September 9, 2011

Reclaiming the Forest

What a perfect day.  I got to bed before 2am and was up by 8am when my companion dragged his weary butt in the door.  I fed him some cornmeal cereal and golden toast with butter and he started watching TV on the couch.  In no time the poor tired thing had fallen asleep and I nipped out the door in my worst clothes to go scavanging for treasures in the woods.  I have noticed of late, that there is an abundance of downed wood in the area.  As I walked down the path towards what I call the Arbutus Grove, it became apparent that the wood has been tossed to the side as though it were litter.  I don't mean the occasional thinning to let in more light, I mean loads of wood left to rot.  I try to grin and bear it, but it sure does bother me to see it.
As you can see, this shit's been down a while, and it's covered with young vines, however, you can also see that the wood is still good and there are 4 logs in this one little site alone, actually there is more there, it continues to the right.
Here are some more fallen trees, and on the larger of the two logs, there is a lot of rot on the outside, but the center was still good.  And yes, there are 4 downed huge chunks of timber just sitting there beside the path.
This too lies along that same path, but at least here it is neatly set out of the way.
This one just had me doing face-palms over and over again.  This is cut by a chainsaw, it's not natural and not needed for light, so what's up?
This is just a bigger badder picture of the one above, but it makes me wonder.  There was not even 20 feet between some of these.  This "waste wood" should be offered up to artists and such to see what can be reclaimed.  However; I don't think I'll be waiting on that invitation; I'll just help myself.
In one of the areas, where the trees were thinned, ferns filled what had once been a bog during the spring.
I also found a new view of my forest spirit that I first found when I went on that exploratory journey to seek out my secret garden.
However, the main reason why I went to the forest was to collect some items to make a broom.

This little grotto was filled with broom (the plant) at one point, but someone came up here and thrashed all the broom plants.  The bright yellow flowering branches were thrashed, as in hacked up and left to die.  I come up here at least once every two weeks, more if I can.... and I know that a couple of months ago, this area was filled with lovely blooms of broom and the next time I saw it, the plants had been slashed and the fresh green boughs covered the ground.  I kept going up and thinking I should grab that to make a broom with.  So that is exactly what I did.  I gathered enough broom for... yes a broom, and a lovely handle, that doesn't know it's a handle yet, lay close by.  My companion, then gave me some wonderful twine, so once I've soaked all the broom twigs and sprigs, I'll be working on the besom.
 I think that my special broom grotto is visited by another much like myself.  There is a rock balancer who comes here and leaves their little shrines up beneath the boughs of the towering arbutus.  They are set upon green moss, or the slate grey boulders that dominate that quiet little corner overlooking WestWood Lake.  Today, all those were knocked down and more of the broom was scattered about.  It may have been the wind, but I suspect boots of mischief would be a more appropriate guess.
Anyways, I'll be busy the next couple of days, to a week.  There are some spells to finish up, some stock to build up, some crafts to play with and pictures to take.  I suspect there will be more forays into the wood to gather some of the wood for making boxes and what not, that should keep me busy over the winter.

The Lessons of the Morning glory Wand

Obtaining the cedar to make my wand  was no problem, I went in the forest and harvested some lovely boughs. I got them home and de-twigged them and then sanded them smooth.  I was even resourceful, for when I had no sandpaper, I used my emery board (I never end up using them on my nails), which was a good choice because it's a good size to wield when  attacking tiny sharp twig remains, and it makes a more precise eraser than sandpaper and your finger (LOL).
The trouble all started when I wanted to ink them.  I had some felt pens handy, that actually were for another project.  I busily got to work and covered the wand in morning glory vines and flowers.  It looked beautiful, but before I took a picture I wanted to varnish it.  So on went the varnish and off came the colour.  Damn things were water proof.  Oh well, I thought, perhaps I'll sand that off later and I got myself some fine, indelible ink sharpies, 8 bucks, 8 pens. Well I made the wand and only made a few flowers, here's the deal, the blue is already out of ink and the fine is not all that fine.  Sharpies are not going to work any more than those other felt tipped pens.  I think next I'm going to try some other medium.  Perhaps I'll paint them on with a very fine brush, or use ink and a stylus and brush.  I have a bunch of stylus's and brushes.
The other thing I'm going to do is ask around at the art store to find out what medium would work best for what I'm hoping to achieve.  I knew there would be some issues, but now I can face them head on and move on.  I like this work and would like to do more, make boxes and such, it does run in our family.  In fact, my grandfather, on my mothers side made beautiful puzzles boxes and cabinets out of cedar and was considered an artisan before World War 2 broke out in Germany.  In particular he was a cedar worker and passed away from complications due to inhalation of the cedar particles.
The other thing I've noticed is all the downed wood along the pathways in the park.  I'm thinking of harvesting what I need to create my own body of work.  I learnt quite a bit when I was up in the Charlotte's living off the land.  I have a good eye, and know how to cut for shakes, so it shouldn't be that hard for me to grab a few boards here and there so the wood does not go to waste, all I'll need is an axe and a wood mallet.
I like my wand don't get me wrong, I'm not even upset that it didn't work the way I wanted.  You see once the error was made, I learned my lesson and figured out something else so that it could get finished.  This is going to be fun.  It's late, almost 3 in the morning.  I'm going to oil up my little wand and keep it healthy, and then tomorrow, when the light is better, I'm going to take some pictures of my wand and post them.
Ah and one more thing... just one last little one.  My companion, he found an attachment for his drill that will allow me to grind things out in case I want to shape my wands more.  Now that is awesome timing, because I was just thinking that. I think it's time to start hitting the garage sales :D
And here are my endeavors up close flaws and all.
The total wand, sanded and inked with morning glory vines and at one end is a Lady Bug.  This is the second attempt and ink for this seems to be the issue.  However, it has a whimsical  nature to it.  It still needs to be consecrated, but it is meant to be an aid to hedgecrossing and travelling.
The ink is the biggest issue.  The blue especially is troublesome.  It was a brand new pack, I outlined about 6 morning glories buds and blooms, it ran a little, but worse it started to fade on the last bloom and now there is no more ink left.  As you can see from the comparison, the green is more vibrant and fills in better, but not much.
Here is a closeup of all the green.  Of all the colours I have used so far, the green seems to be the most reliable and has the most ink for your buck.
And here you can see some of the fading on the blue morning glory, which makes it look shabby and like I don't care.  I did, and was so careful when applying the ink.  The red on the Lady Bug has no integrity.  I applied with an even hand and yet it's blotchy, the same with the black ink.  These two, the red and black, lack the vibrancy of the green.  All in all, I will not be using sharpee for this kind of work again.  
I make one exception...the Sharpie Pen.  It has a superfine point and I think it will do to make some necromantic wands for ancestor worship.  In fact that will most likely be my next adventure in wand making.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Epiphany

I was given a great gift today by my loving companion Sean :D.  I like to keep busy, but with this silly sleeping and bathroom business I've been housebound for 5 days now.  I'm getting cagey and more grumpy than usual and I kinda sit and look at my computer, look at my supplies, look at the TV, sigh, make a meal, eat and sleep.  I need more supplies to complete my projects.  It's hard to get into the head space I need to when I'm drawing because my spouse is very interactive and likes to give and receive attention often.
However today he needed him time, I could tell and he was about to not take it again, which of course makes him grumpy, I could see him eyeing the X-Box controller, and his hand reaching for it then pulling away.  I pretended I didn't notice for a bit so he wouldn't tie in one with the other.  I told him I had a bunch of craft work I needed to focus on and I hated not being able to get to it,   and handed him the controller.
With a big smile on his face he gave me my gift, when you open up Gmail there is a tab there called Site for making web pages and he also suggested that I might want to use it to set up an online shop for all my goods.  He's also going to help me with getting a Paypal account and a few other things I'll need to set up the shop, but then I'll have my own little business, something to help me retain some of my independence.  I had wanted to have everything connected and actually to go google with this venture the entire time and now I can.  Once I get a little further ahead, I'll set up a PO box and take full command of my work room turfing some of the stuff we aren't using because there is no room to cut fabric, let alone swing a cat.
Oh and when I look at exactly what the gift was, it makes me smile, it wasn't the knowledge of the website page builder that was the gift, it was that I needed it and he had been listening to me all along.  I feel awesome and well appreciated, because every woman really just wants to know she's been heard.
As for me, I've been working on the webpage all day, and I find the site builder confusing.  I'm going to be adding more and more to the site as I go, slowly adding my stock and keeping tabs of everything online. I think this is going to do me a lot of good, especially if I team it up with something like ad-sense or not... really not so sure on that one, but I will give it a look before completely dismissing it.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Sleepy, so very sleepy...

I don't know what's going on.  I go to bed, I sleep, up to 12 hours wake up for a few hours, then go back to sleep for 10 hours, yesterday was up for 10 whole hours, then woke up 14 hours later.... What the Hell!!!
It's like this: every day I have good intentions of going for a walk.  This is much needed because I'm not in the best of health, you know, pushing 50, overweight, grumpy from croning, and my bowels and I, I swear, are enemies.  I know the walking would help in all aspects of my life, and the park entrance is less than 100 meters away maybe closer to 80 meters, and I can't find my way  there?  I don't get it, it's not laziness, it's this damn sleeping, and I feel so bloated some days and like the bathroom is just too far away and my fear of not making it in time keeps me in the house, and sometimes in bed, because it's right beside the bathroom.
You might be thinking I should see a doctor about this, I have, I've got IBS and all the troubles that go with.  In fact, I've known for years about my condition and learned to live around it.  It's at the time in my life where it's not some days are better than others, but some weeks are better than others.  It's why I like to have at home projects, and why I am working on creating my own business.
On home days I hand sew, crochet, knit, work on wands, draw, paint and other small creative endeavors. It keeps me happy and it keeps my hopes up.  It gives me something to do during the day so I don't stagnate and fret about not getting out and about, but this sleeping business is now cutting into my days.
There is wild harvesting to be done, and health wise I need to get out and stretch my legs.  For now, I keep up with my healthy diet, mostly fruit and veg, very little meat, and lots of whole grains.  I do know how to take care of myself, but sometimes, I'm in no shape, and my companion takes over and looks out for me, this means, take out food and feet up chair (lazy boy) and lots of sleep.  So, I guess that means I'm stuck in Catch 22 land, and I need to find a way to do the things I want to do when I want to do them.  It's a little like being in a gilded cage, only my health is what's holding the key.  I'm doing as the doctor has said, plenty of bedrest and a healthy diet, and walks when I can.   So, now when I need it most, the walks are out of the question.  When I can I'll be picking up some supplies so that I can continue crafting and work towards one of two big plans.  1. to adhere closely to the Wheel of the Year and become more in-tune with the witchy side of me. 2. to create an inventory of items for sale to help support my venture.  I'm hoping to have some stock by Samhain, I already have some actually, but they are in transit here from my son's house.  I have them boxed up, but getting them here is the problem.
I don't drive, my sight is slightly off from my stigmatism and that is enough to keep me from getting a license; however I am always optomistic and they have those cute little scooters (which are more my speed anyways), so once I have one of those, which is in the plans for my birthday at the end of the month, then I will have my magic broom, so to speak.   Living up by Westwood Lake has it's advantages, like the Park and the quiet, however there are disadvantages as well, such as shopping is miles away, and the bus runs every half hour, but is never on time and is often cut when they are running low, which means that you can wait at the bus stop for an hour or more  .  My partner works night shift, so when I want to shop, (daylight hours), he's too tired and cranky, or sleeping.  We are lucky with grocery shopping and I can get some supplies at the local Superstore which is open until 11 pm.  I would rather shop during the day, and be able to make pilgramages to the beach, the mountains, the shops and the places that sell local handcrafters items (like mine), or even head with my stuff to the local farmers market.
I don't know about you, but I like to get into the zen of things.  I focus on my intent, enjoy the selecting of the items I need.  I take my time and what I need just comes to my fingertips, and it's always a good price.  Yes, these are the things I am missing, and have been missing for the past 9 months since we moved to this location.  I admit that it was a bad move, but we will do our best to get past this and we are also working on a plan to move to a better location.  However, the focus remains, getting healthy, walking, finding out what makes me sleep so much, and getting out and about more so that I don't feel so housebound and depressed.  As you can see, I kind of miss shopping, for shopping's sake, not the grocery shopping kind, but the browsing and selecting of delightful little things.  One can only do so much with the selection at the superstore.  LOL!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Time to Record some Memories

I stayed up all last night working on my memories.  I made an outline and I started to write down all my recollections of what I saw, learned, felt, all my thoughts, especially when something seemed fishy.  It's all private; no one's going to read it, so I'm being completely honest and not worrying for the first time that someone is going to read it and think I'm nuts.  I still have to find a place to keep it safe from prying eyes, but for the most part, all the deeply personal tragic interesting stuff will be bashed out in my private journals, but my ultimate conclusions and a rundown of how I came to this summation will be entered here, if deemed noteworthy.
For instance, when I was a girl, I had this cat named Katy (pronounced cat-e).  I loved her, she was pretty and white, with blue eyes.  I was about 5 when my Dad's secretary, Margarita gave me the kitten.  My paternal Grandmother was staying with us, and she watched over me, because my mother did not treat me the same as my sister.  I was bullied by both of them, and anyways, back to the story.... I'm glad my Grandma was there, but my Mom and her fought like Cat's and Dogs!  After we had my cat for a few months, she grew thin and sickly and one day my mother broke it to me that my cat was dead.  I was upset, but my mother told me that it was better for Katy because she was so sick.  Well my Grandma went to my Dad with what she knew.... and it came out my mother hated the cat, didn't think I deserved a pet and so she poisoned her because she couldn't be bothered.
Shortly after that fight, my Mother got her way and Grandma was sent packing  back to England and my mother never had a kind word to say about her to anyone ever again, even those who knew her.  I would often get older ladies petting me on the head and saying things like your Grandma sends her love.  North Vancouver, at the time was predominately British Emigrants, and my Gran was popular, whereas, my mother was not.  There were  few invitations to lunches and social occasions.  My mother blamed this the fact that she was German and no one wanted a "Nazi" in their home so soon after the war.
The reason this all matters is my mother denied my Grandma having lived with us and that my cat was poisoned, not sick.  She denied a lot of things actually, but this one was so big.  My father was embarrassed by what had happened to his mother, by his own wife, and being a stiff upper lip type of Englishman, he kept the secret out of a sense of privacy, so the neighbours wouldn't know.  He neither confirmed or denied, he avoided talking about it.  Oh yes and my mother told us that if we did speak to him about it there would be hell to pay (I could never figure out why there would be hell to pay with my father, but I was cautious around my mother even as a child).  This is an important part of my history and I had so many memories stolen by this cover-up.  This little scenario was also used as a mean of showing just how big a liar I was.  My mother called it running to my father with my little faerie stories!  Anyways, that's a little glimpse into my life, and with this new found knowledge I will be recording, I hope to gain a deeper understanding of .myself.