Monday, October 31, 2011

Samhain, The Wheel of the Year

All Hallows Eve has arrived, and the move has not yet begun.  Our New Landlord is awesome and the move will happen soon.  It's the Island and it runs on Island time, which is slow and laid back. A few more days while the other tenant moves out is not a big deal. I can handle that.
My partner leaves for work tonight at 10:00 pm, and with that, I will set up an alter to be ready for midnight. I'll have time for a bath and to make a little snack worthy of the gods.  I know that tonight I will dedicate myself to the study of the Norse and Celtic mythology/faith as well as the war at the sea of Amergin that banished the fae into the cairns below the earth they once hunted.  I know that this year I will be creating the garment that Freya asked me to make, all covered in runes and my version of Yggdrasil.  I have set myself to learning the runes, and it's taking it's time.  Most likely because I want to know as much as possible about each rune so that I can divine more easily and more accurately.  I have this overwhelming desire to do this with flare.  To put my entire heart and soul into it.  This is the core of my project for the wheel of the year.  I have no hearth fire to light, so a candle will be my hearth for now.
What cinched the deal was learning about the ancestor worship.  Until this year I had never really understood that it was not necromancy, but speaking with the spirits of your family.  I  had to drop all my preconcieved notions of myself, magic, the word witch.  I was on the trail about 5 years ago when I discovered the work of Robin Artison.  It was through his writings and his links that I kept looking into different kinds of belief and magic.  As I kept looking I discovered a word... haegtessa... that led me to a blog by a young woman named Sarah Lawless who has several blogs, but the one I love the most is the Witch of Forest Grove.  From there I jumped in with both feet.  Her blog is like a mentor to me, with no judgement, just explanations.
I have started a journal in a note book to deal with all my personal strife and woes, so I can learn from my mistakes and move on.  I have discovered a little button called revert to draft and after thinking long and hard, I'll be removing posts that are not involved with progress towards my studies.  I'll keep them around to learn from them, but there is no need to make them public... they are now for my use only.  I got to thinking what a handy little button ... it's like unpublish. :D
I wish you all a very Merry Samhain and hope it is as mystical and magical for you as it is for me.  Blessings to you all.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Back on Track

I started packing up my things late last night.  I don't know why I felt like I had to pack up a couple of boxes in the middle of the night, but that is exactly what I did.  It was my back room full of art supplies, 25 years worth of notebooks (filled), some fabric and crafting items like beads and buttons threads and yarns.  the items I use for worship and sacred crafting and a small selection of books.  This room held so much potential and it is a shame that I was unable to use it the way it was intended. In fact, it became a junk room with things just tossed hither and yon without a thought because the room was just so uncomfortable to be in. I look forward to my new bedroom, which will have an entry to the balcony I believe (if not there is still a window).  It will house my desk and sewing machine, shelves and my altar.  I am so excited and this keeps me motivated.
For now, this move will give me some much needed breathing space and an opportunity to find me again.  There will be no cable or internet for that matter, for I don't know how long.  Hopefully I can get that rectified quickly.  I don't care about the cable for TV though, I want to get my books back and read all the things I am behind on.  The first thing going up in that room is my Wheel of the Year and that actually might be put on the door.  I will have time to complete my task of learning the runes.  I also hope now to meet some people and talk with them about Norse magic.  I still have so many things to study, which all got lost in the push and shove to just survive being in this negative place.  I know what I have been asked to study and that communing with the Gods has become easier since I discovered my magic blanket which I sleep on nightly to keep me safe and use primarily for flying.  I think of it more like a magic carpet, and for now it works wonders.
I have been given tasks by my Gods and I want to get those down on paper and complete them in a timely fashion so I don't loose the lesson of it.  As each day goes by and the move looms ever closer, I become happier knowing that soon I will be sleeping well every night, and that shopping will no longer be a burden.  Already my life is better and I am completely satisfied with the direction it is going.  I think a Samhain move is perfect.... First thing I'll do is clean out any lingering bugaboos and work on creating a totally safe and harmonized home.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Moving and Changes

Lately I have not had anything go my way, and when I say lately I mean in the past couple of years lately.  Nothing has gone well or right or anything and I have been floundering.  I have been blaming others for my unmet desires and all in all acting childishly.  My wants and needs were not that demanding, surely I could have had a little something go my way, went my thoughts.  I have been acting foolishly actually.  I might not be getting what I want, but stuff is still happening.  I still have a life and I can do what needs to be done.... You see it never was up to me and putting my fate into the hands of the Gods is the best thing I could have done.  I am not in control, they are.  They always have been, and I might not like it, but the Gods have a reason for everything.  I will admit that moving over towards a more Norse mythology, I am more comfortable and actually hear them talking to me.
So, for now, here's the plan.  I will make no more plans, I will take what the Gods have to offer.  I will learn more about the Gods, the runes and Yggdrasil as I have been told, and I will stop jumping to conclusions about what this or that means.  At least for now until I am more comfortable with the path that is being shown to me.
I knew I would be moving, there has been so much stress with the Landlord. I think all the stress has not just got to me, but to my partner as well.  He found us a place and we move in for the first.  I have 5 days to pack, which is way better than the last time we moved.  I was told we are moving and to start packing now.  
I went out and about a couple of nights ago and was told in my dreams, by Odin no less, that these woods you have loved so dearly, no longer hold what you need.  Your new woods lie to the North.  This was before I found out we were moving.  I thought well, I must be moving into the woods, that is going to be cold work creating a shelter.  I was told mushrooms grow here, and other goodies and trinkets.  I was told happiness lies to the north, as does the freedom that I so desire.
We are finally getting away from the Landlord and his oppressive family.  We will be able to sleep comfortably, knowing we are safe.  It is a security apartment, so no one can get in without being buzzed in.  The back way leads into a serious stretch of green belt and my mushrooms are there, I just know it.  The mall, which also has a bus depot is less than 15 minute walk from the building.  I can go shopping when I wish.  I can go anywhere, any time I like.  Ideally I had wanted my freedom returned and it looks like it has come back to me.
I know it will take a while for me to reap the benefits of this new situation.  I think though, that my Samhain is going to be celebrated with the ultimate move and a cleansing of the soul. :D  What a way to start the Wheel of the year.  In it's own way, this is the best possible outcome for me to ensure that I am happy, as well as those around me. 
Blessings all.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Life happens

There is so much for me to think about these days.  I feel overwhelmed and yet, some of it is everything that I have asked for.  Other parts of it are just laying in wait for an opportune moment.  I'm not sleeping well and with so many things up in the air and so many paths available to me I have not even had a chance to plan out how I'm going to get everything done.
I have an opportunity to study with a Norse Shaman, who happens to live on a neighbouring Island, so he is only a ferry ride away.  It's actually the chance of a life time and he has put me to my first task of learning the runes.  I am excited about this and am learning them fairly quickly considering all that is going on.
I'm one of the 99%, as so many of us are.  However, I am opinionated, and passionate and have joined Occupy Nanaimo, so from the sidelines I have been writing letters and getting steamed and calming things down on the forums when I can.  It is something I really believe in because it's becoming more and more impossible for me to produce 3 meals a day on our budget.
We have  had issues with our SlumLandlord, so we have been looking for a place to live.  It looks like we may have found one.  This means I will be packing up all of our stuff over the next few weeks if everything goes according to plan.  Once we move out I will be able to, in theory, go out more.  When we move, things will be easier, I'll be close to shopping and buses and friends again, but that is a month away.
In all honesty, since I've found out we are moving, I've been happier.  Hope has returned and I'm actually looking forward to the new place.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Off Kilter

I am starting to think that I am off kilter.  I'm a libra and my balance is way off.  I know this and am aware of how it is affecting me.  It's hit my writing and my arts and crafts.  I don't even want to cook any more.  I feel like a hollow shell and that I have forgotten my path.  My path is... and then it trails off into nothingness.  Now I have done some interesting things magically, but can I write about them,.... no.... what comes out is anguish.  I really do have much to share, like I think I've found my spiritual path.... not just the Wheel of the Year.... I have discovered thorough going over my memories and taking certain steps to improve the quality of my life that I may even have a teacher.  This too may even get me out of here.  I think I'm mostly afraid of jinxing it last minute.  I'm working on a letter right now and hoping to change my stars.  To study with a Shaman would be so awesome for me.  It is what I have hoped for.
I keep my fingers crossed!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Samhain - Out with the Old, in with the New

It's Sunday, so I'm doing my usual "tour de blog" (catching up on the blogs I missed during the week) and there was a common theme.  Samhain, the time of crossing over, ancestor worship and the ancient relighting of the hearth-fires, is also known as a New Year of sorts.  I must admit that it makes sense to have a beginning starting out on this date.  Now, when I was a girl, we celebrated Halloween by running around in costumes and collecting candy, then at the end of the evening, around ten pm we would all gather at the three-way crossroad on our quiet road and watch fireworks that our fathers put on.  There was that sulfury smell on the air and you could sense the magic if you were weird like me.  Our street bordered a forest, not a wood, a forest, vast and lush with a canyon and waterfalls, a river, trees and trails that led on occasion to a small little log cabin.  In the fall if my big lumberjack cousin was visiting we would go traipsing through there and he made sure we were always home in time for dinner.
It's now only a couple of weeks away until Samhain begins.  Whenever I go out I'm transported to other times and my memories fill me with a joy that gets me through the day.  I recall pumpkins being carved on the faux stone floors in the basement while watching Halloween cartoons.  I remember creating costumes for my small children when kids could still run around and collect the booty door to door.  The memories of reading 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow' under the covers with a flashlight until the wee small hours and not getting caught.  From these thoughts I harness my inner strength and feel as though I am able to handle anything.
I start the beginning of my Wheel of the Year in about two weeks.  My life is full of getting rid of the old and starting with the new.  I have a new page on Facebook that only my friends know of.  I have this blog that is mine and still somewhat new.  Rest is the key, keeping focused on my goals will help me get there faster.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

It's check in time for the Witchy Fitness Challenge

So After all that I have found out in the last couple of days, I've been surprisingly calm and using it to my advantage with the Witchy Fitness Challange.  Walks are good things, very good things.  I'm getting out 3 days a week.  I'm hoping to get that up to 5 days by next check in, but I'll have to see.  My partner, I've noticed is not very supportive, but then I don't need him for support.  He wants bacon... always bacon and he likes to give me extras by putting it right in my mouth.  I know he is sabotaging me and my lofty goals, but I keep my portions down and I know how much he loves bacon and I talk him into no more than a bite now, so ha....  Breakfast, fortunately is the only meal we have together now because of his schedule for being a security guard.  The other plan I'm working on while I walk is how to get out of here even more quickly so that my desire to be healthy is not trod upon.  Walking is a good think tank enducer.
I'm going to keep up with this and hopefully I'll be able to log in with a weight loss or diminishing inches.  One thing I do know, I'm not going to let anything stand in my way.  I read somewhere that the truth can set you free, I believe it now.  :D  To all you ladies I hope you stick with this program, I think it's working.  I'm already getting out more than I used to, I'm meeting new people and starting to hook up with old friends I haven't talked to in years.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Saturday Check in for the Get Off your Broom Challange

So today is the The Get Off Your Broom Challenge check in.  I thought I would have aced this, but no.  There have been a few interruptions and upsets and now my stomach  has reacted in the worst way possible, and the very reason I became a couch bound witch is rearing it's ugly head.  I hate IBS.... I curse it and send it back to the bowels of Hades, where it can wreak it's havoc on someone more deserving (I have a list of more deserving).  Hard core exercise is off limits until my stomach settles down again.  Walks are good and instead of the calisthenics and walking every other day, I"m switching up to something I can accomplish.... Walks every other day and easy to eat foods, like rice, poultry, jello, simple soups, poultry, nothing that will aggravate this tummy of mine.  With luck this will be better in a couple of weeks, it always blows over as long as I don't over do.
However there is one exception..... being Canadian we have Thanksgiving on the 10th of October, so we are still doing Turkey Day and I will not give up my stuffing.  Thankfully sweet potato, butternut squash and mashed potatoes are easy on the tummy, and turkey is poultry :D.  There will be no wine, but I might make a Chai tea for sipping on in the afternoon, while we smell that turkey cooking.  I'm doing the turkey tomorrow, it's an all day event, we like it slow cooked at a low temperature, and having it fall off the bone all juicy and moist is the best way to eat it. Then there is the next day off being all sleepy and relaxing from all the tryptophan in the bird.
One more thing I'll be doing is looking up ways to alleviate stress, maybe take up yoga or something so that this does not happen again.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

1 step forward, 2 steps back, 3 whopping steps forward

My partner knows just how upset I have been and with the Landlord demanding the return of the computer we had been renting, my hopes were dashed for the wheel of the year project.  All of my notes were on it and I had no idea how I was going to be able to work on anything without internet access.  I spent most of last night uploading to Google and stuffing my flash drives with my favorite programs, spreadsheets and things I've created.  There were tears at the frustration and the loss of it all, but aside from the occasional sniffle, I stayed quiet.  It is not my partners fault, it is the Landlords and one day soon he will get his comeuppance.  To be quite honest I have been feeling thin, like not enough butter spread on too much bread.  Everything has been lacking and my life has been dictated by this man, when I can come and go, what I am allowed to do, and he is rude to me, so I ignore him and pretend like he's not there and won't answer the door when I'm alone because nothing good can come of visiting a woman alone after 10 pm.
My partner has a way of pulling the perfect thing out of thin air, and after dropping me off to do the grocery shopping, he went shopping, unbeknownst to me.  As I shopped I stormed around, worried that the Landlord would break into the place somehow and just snatch my computer and with everything on it.  I got through the checkout and called my man to come pick me up... and it was then that he told me he was wiping my computer and making sure that everything was off it because he was going to go throw it at the Landlord.  He knows there are things on there that I created that are next to impossible to recreate, he also knows that those are the things I put on my flash-drive last night so he wasn't worried that if he wiped it clean that I would be missing stuff.  I told him thanks and the tears started to flow... I'd never been so glad that he couldn't see my tears, he didn't deserve them.  I walked my groceries outside and waited the 15 minutes it takes to pick me up, wiping the the tears from my face and neck, wishing they would stop.  They finally did just as he showed up and he helped me put the packages in the back of the car.  He started to tease me about how he had no money left and then realized I was too upset to wrap my head around something as mundane as a joke.  "I went to the pawn shop, Baby, and I spent some of the money we were going to use for the move on a new laptop for you. It's better than mine and has a nice big screen so you can work on your blog more easily."  I was so happy I burst into tears.  He knew how much I had been bugged by everything that has been going on since before my birthday, and he smiled, said happy birthday as well, and then he told me what he had discovered.
Tonight when he got home after buying the new laptop, he realized he had left his keys inside.  Now he needed to get in and he also had put in the lock that kept others out, especially the Landlord, who when we first moved in had been visiting while all of us were out.  So my baby used a credit card  and jimmied the lock, easily (which he didn't expect), when he got in he noticed that the weather stripping we had put up had been removed and the lock was easier to get at.  I had been telling my baby that stuff was missing and moved around, and he had returned to calling me wacko, so I stopped telling him.  As he showed me how easy it was to break in,  I told him money was missing from the jar, and had frequently been going missing.  I'm no longer the wacko.  I have a new kick-ass computer and I have been vindicated.  My day went from worrying about not being able to blog, study, research and write any longer, to the complete opposite.  I love my new toy, it's perfect.  My man is happy and I'm happy... and tomorrow the Landlord will be happy because he will have his lappie back.  I may have to kick around and wait until my baby is home so I can go for walks, but I have my life back again.  Looks like I won't have to give up my Witchy Fitness Challenge, which was of course my biggest worry.
You see being rather reclusive, it's important that when I reach out, I don't loose that life line and retreat all over again. :D

Monday, October 3, 2011

Rant Alert - Evil Landlords deserve what they get

(This being a rant, it may be vulgar, and jump around a bit.  I'm still angry, more than angry, but at least I have most of my words back.)

Seriously - you are my landlord... do you not see my name on the lease.  You tell my partner you didn't think I lived here any longer because I went away for a month and stayed with my son.  You saw me come back.... You are difficult to live below, you are rude and your children are worse... You peek in the windows and hover around doorways trying to get snippets of conversation.  Why do that if I'm not here and my partner lives alone.   In fact you have been in the house and right in front of me you tell my partner how worthless I am and that I do things while he's at work... oh if you mean read witch books and blogs.... sorry he already knows you tattle tale as for anything else that would be a lie I'm too busy reading.   Do you think we are completely stupid.  You are playing a dangerous game myfriend considering immigration is at your doorstep.  I am just this side of running up to the top of the cliff and yelling your name out to the gods for them to deal with you post haste.  I have curses to utter all using blunt and rusty implents of destruction on your most treasured body parts.... don't worry it won't be touching your head... there's not enough brains to worry about there.  

You've turned away my mail... and what few you have let through have been steamed open.  You want me gone and you want my partner to get a new room mate so you can charge more rent... that was not the deal... you've renegged on all the deals and all you do is hold out your hand for more money... you refused us receipts and we paid in cash...... and now you have your come upance and you want my partner to fix it so you don't get in trouble.  well... no we won't.... we want our receipts... your soon to be ex wife wants her part of that money... and she wants her house back.... 

If I do leave my partner it is because I want it... not because you made him throw me out on the streets... this is the worse part... because this is what has been suggested because I don't work. I do clean the house, make the meals, do the shopping, run the household to the point that well I don't have much time for me to get my things done and I barely fit my life in around my partners and the landlords.... somewhere along the lines it was mentioned I am woman... I am evil... I must be kept busy... I honestly thought they were joking...

We've decided to move... as quickly as we can, but I'm not going to be able to pack anything up if he keeps up on stuff...  so that's where I'm at.  Okay forget mountain climbing for now... I'm still sore from last climb... but some serious magic is going down and that fucker is getting bound so tight he won't be able to shit for a month.

Ok.... rant over we return to our normal programming.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Samhain is coming - Woo Hoo!!

My mind just did a complete throwback to when I was young, 'Oh look, Halloween is coming!' and that feeling of magic filled me up.  I remembered the days getting shorter and watching for my dad out the window because when he got home he might have a little treat for us.  We'd go through his suit pockets and voila... there would be pieces of peanut brittle, toffees, or chocolate.  Then we would have a nice dinner, and watch TV.  You knew Halloween was just around the corner because the holiday programming started up about a week before.  There would also be the creating of the costume (my mom could sew) and the finding of a pillow slip big and strong enough to hold all the loot.  My mother was German and my father was English, neither one had any real idea what Halloween was, so what we learned was in school and we would bring the concepts home to my parents and try to get away with as much as my parents would allow.  
Now at my school we read scary stories like 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'.  We would cut out pumpkins, each year they became more intricate as our skills improved.  There were lectures on safe candy collecting and on Halloween day, there would be the big school assembly with a film on the perils of trick or treating gone wrong.  There was only one thing missing.... the lore.
There was no teaching about Samhain, not even any mention of it.  So this needs to be remedied.  I start my Wheel of the Year this Samhain, where I practice all the seasonal holidays of my faith.  There is so much to study, iconic imagery, ritual, food, devotion, and only a variety of holy days.  Over the next couple of weeks I'll be studying and posting some of my findings in preparation for creating my own personal ritual.  I'm excited and nervous, because I've never gone to such extremes, and it does feel good to finally practice the way I want to.  
My kids are grown, my partner now works full time.  For the first time in decades everything has fallen into place and I am getting regular quiet time so that I can do as I please uninterrupted.  Actually... it's the first time ever that I have had quiet time and everything is still sinking in.  I have time to do the artwork, study the history, and prepare the ritual, so I guess it's time to pull out my agenda and make the big transition from words to deeds. :D

Saturday, October 1, 2011

The one hour walk

So I start my journey with the getting off my broomstick with a walk, an hour long walk and ramble and even a climb up a very step rocky outcrop.  I walked the whole time, only stopping long enough to take a few photos.  My legs hurt, my butt hurts and my hands hurt, but it was nice to know I could still climb, even with the added poundage.  It was a good walk and I came home with this huge sense of satisfaction.  I feel better, and tomorrow I do calisthenics unless I do my big shop... my big shop is an hour of running around the superstore, and filling a cart to overflowing.  This is taxing on the mind, on the body and on the soul, because the prices make me want to rant.  So lets return to my happy space and here are the pictures I took from going for my walk.  By the end of the month I want to be able to walk the entire way around WestWood Lake in an hour.  I've not done the entire circuit yet, but I am getting close.

The lake is filled with dead trees.
I climbed that hill coming and I climbed it going... HAHA - Take that!
These guys here were fishing for Wide Mouth Bass and their dog was real friendly.
This one shows the tops of the trees more closely.
A great view of the lake and the shore.
Ok... I know this is not the lake, this is the path home, and I cross this way many times.  It's at the top of that hill that I climb and there is a sense that witches have worked here.  There are little offerings of balancing stones frequently found her, and a clearing that looks as though it's been swept and rocks placed in just such a way.  This time they are all together, but I have seen them in a round and other shapes.  It even looks like the log at the back is a bench of some kind.  
I made my way home and slumped myself down on the couch with a glass of water, because I knew I'd overdone it a bit and I would not be getting up for quite a while.