Time

I had the best intentions last night to bring in the new year with a bit of a ritual.  We are moving and I spent the majority of my night, until well after midnight, packing up my ritual room, which had really turned into more of a junk room as the antics from my old Landlord made it impossible for me to open curtains, windows make much noise without him texting my partner and giving him suggestions as to what I was doing in there.  None of it was pretty or happy, however, that is all old news and has been tossed to the side.  Needless to say, all my ritual stuff is safely in boxes ready to go.  The peace of mind that this has brought about is amazing.  I only have my books to put into boxes and that room is done.  Kitchen is tonight's project, oh and the bedroom drawers.  There was no time nor place for me to perform the ritual and I"m not sure that in this place, with all that's gone on, that the ritual would have worked out satisfactorily.

I know that once I am into the place, I'll be doing plenty of rituals, the important thing, I figure, was to celebrate.  That I did, with an awesome trip over the hedge.  I applied a goodly amount of my seven league boots flying ointment and traveled beyond the hedge.  I ran into my son and we conversed about where I was going and what I was doing.  He heartily approved and bid me to continue on my journey.  As I walked the path that I so often walk that takes me to the crossroads, I had a visit from Freyja and as well from Odin.  They gave me a few portents, but mostly they wanted me to know that my choice to move was a good one, and that soon everything that I wanted would fall into place, including learning the runes and meeting my teacher.  I was told that I would be enjoying my wheel of the year, and that information that I was looking for was closer then I realized.  

My studies occupy my thoughts often.  I have already filled many pages with information I have gleaned about the runes.  I'm studying the Elder Fulwark and every day now I do a reading and note it in the journal part of my book of shadows.  I am currently learning about the various Norse Gods, and go back and forth between reading a little of the Poettic Edda and information regarding the various gods themselves.  I get excited when I study and hate to be interrupted so am cooking less and reading more.  (My round little belly thanks me).  

Once we are more settled, I'll be  heading into the green belt behind our apartment to see what kind of wild things I may find there.  I love a new challange, and although it's not a lake or a park it is a big patch of green, more wild and less traveled than the woods I have been exploring the last year.

All in all, I feel that in my own way I have welcomed in the New Year and begun my project well.  I'll continue to work towards discovering the meanings of my dreams and memories.  This year holds so much promise.

Blessings all. 

Moving and Changes

Lately I have not had anything go my way, and when I say lately I mean in the past couple of years lately.  Nothing has gone well or right or anything and I have been floundering.  I have been blaming others for my unmet desires and all in all acting childishly.  My wants and needs were not that demanding, surely I could have had a little something go my way, went my thoughts.  I have been acting foolishly actually.  I might not be getting what I want, but stuff is still happening.  I still have a life and I can do what needs to be done.... You see it never was up to me and putting my fate into the hands of the Gods is the best thing I could have done.  I am not in control, they are.  They always have been, and I might not like it, but the Gods have a reason for everything.  I will admit that moving over towards a more Norse mythology, I am more comfortable and actually hear them talking to me.

So, for now, here's the plan.  I will make no more plans, I will take what the Gods have to offer.  I will learn more about the Gods, the runes and Yggdrasil as I have been told, and I will stop jumping to conclusions about what this or that means.  At least for now until I am more comfortable with the path that is being shown to me.

I knew I would be moving, there has been so much stress with the Landlord. I think all the stress has not just got to me, but to my partner as well.  He found us a place and we move in for the first.  I have 5 days to pack, which is way better than the last time we moved.  I was told we are moving and to start packing now.  

I went out and about a couple of nights ago and was told in my dreams, by Odin no less, that these woods you have loved so dearly, no longer hold what you need.  Your new woods lie to the North.  This was before I found out we were moving.  I thought well, I must be moving into the woods, that is going to be cold work creating a shelter.  I was told mushrooms grow here, and other goodies and trinkets.  I was told happiness lies to the north, as does the freedom that I so desire.

We are finally getting away from the Landlord and his oppressive family.  We will be able to sleep comfortably, knowing we are safe.  It is a security apartment, so no one can get in without being buzzed in.  The back way leads into a serious stretch of green belt and my mushrooms are there, I just know it.  The mall, which also has a bus depot is less than 15 minute walk from the building.  I can go shopping when I wish.  I can go anywhere, any time I like.  Ideally I had wanted my freedom returned and it looks like it has come back to me.

I know it will take a while for me to reap the benefits of this new situation.  I think though, that my Samhain is going to be celebrated with the ultimate move and a cleansing of the soul. :D  What a way to start the Wheel of the year.  In it's own way, this is the best possible outcome for me to ensure that I am happy, as well as those around me. 

Blessings all.

Life happens

There is so much for me to think about these days.  I feel overwhelmed and yet, some of it is everything that I have asked for.  Other parts of it are just laying in wait for an opportune moment.  I'm not sleeping well and with so many things up in the air and so many paths available to me I have not even had a chance to plan out how I'm going to get everything done.

I have an opportunity to study with a Norse Shaman, who happens to live on a neighbouring Island, so he is only a ferry ride away.  It's actually the chance of a life time and he has put me to my first task of learning the runes.  I am excited about this and am learning them fairly quickly considering all that is going on.

I'm one of the 99%, as so many of us are.  However, I am opinionated, and passionate and have joined Occupy Nanaimo, so from the sidelines I have been writing letters and getting steamed and calming things down on the forums when I can.  It is something I really believe in because it's becoming more and more impossible for me to produce 3 meals a day on our budget.

We have  had issues with our SlumLandlord, so we have been looking for a place to live.  It looks like we may have found one.  This means I will be packing up all of our stuff over the next few weeks if everything goes according to plan.  Once we move out I will be able to, in theory, go out more.  When we move, things will be easier, I'll be close to shopping and buses and friends again, but that is a month away.

In all honesty, since I've found out we are moving, I've been happier.  Hope has returned and I'm actually looking forward to the new place.

Off Kilter

I am starting to think that I am off kilter.  I'm a libra and my balance is way off.  I know this and am aware of how it is affecting me.  It's hit my writing and my arts and crafts.  I don't even want to cook any more.  I feel like a hollow shell and that I have forgotten my path.  My path is... and then it trails off into nothingness.  Now I have done some interesting things magically, but can I write about them,.... no.... what comes out is anguish.  I really do have much to share, like I think I've found my spiritual path.... not just the Wheel of the Year.... I have discovered thorough going over my memories and taking certain steps to improve the quality of my life that I may even have a teacher.  This too may even get me out of here.  I think I'm mostly afraid of jinxing it last minute.  I'm working on a letter right now and hoping to change my stars.  To study with a Shaman would be so awesome for me.  It is what I have hoped for.

I keep my fingers crossed!

Samhain is coming - Woo Hoo!!

My mind just did a complete throwback to when I was young, 'Oh look, Halloween is coming!' and that feeling of magic filled me up.  I remembered the days getting shorter and watching for my dad out the window because when he got home he might have a little treat for us.  We'd go through his suit pockets and voila... there would be pieces of peanut brittle, toffees, or chocolate.  Then we would have a nice dinner, and watch TV.  You knew Halloween was just around the corner because the holiday programming started up about a week before.  There would also be the creating of the costume (my mom could sew) and the finding of a pillow slip big and strong enough to hold all the loot.  My mother was German and my father was English, neither one had any real idea what Halloween was, so what we learned was in school and we would bring the concepts home to my parents and try to get away with as much as my parents would allow.  

Now at my school we read scary stories like 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'.  We would cut out pumpkins, each year they became more intricate as our skills improved.  There were lectures on safe candy collecting and on Halloween day, there would be the big school assembly with a film on the perils of trick or treating gone wrong.  There was only one thing missing.... the lore.

There was no teaching about Samhain, not even any mention of it.  So this needs to be remedied.  I start my Wheel of the Year this Samhain, where I practice all the seasonal holidays of my faith.  There is so much to study, iconic imagery, ritual, food, devotion, and only a variety of holy days.  Over the next couple of weeks I'll be studying and posting some of my findings in preparation for creating my own personal ritual.  I'm excited and nervous, because I've never gone to such extremes, and it does feel good to finally practice the way I want to.  

My kids are grown, my partner now works full time.  For the first time in decades everything has fallen into place and I am getting regular quiet time so that I can do as I please uninterrupted.  Actually... it's the first time ever that I have had quiet time and everything is still sinking in.  I have time to do the artwork, study the history, and prepare the ritual, so I guess it's time to pull out my agenda and make the big transition from words to deeds. :D

The Seven League Boots

Last night, after reading a blog about putting flying ointment on the soles of your feet as a way to fly over the hedge, I felt a little twinge in my brain, as it sounded so familiar to me, flying about the countryside by putting something on your feet.... like.. and then it hit me... like seven league boots.
If you've ever read the full version of Puss and Boots you remember that footwear.  I think the lads name was Lord Caraboose, (I'll have to find a copy and review it, as I've not read the story since I was about 10ish).  He stopped by the side of a stream, removed his shoes and put on the seven league boots in order to get  to another realm, I believe it was one of the worlds of faerie he was entering.  I even recall a tale about the seven league boots for another story, but that was long ago.
Anyways, it got me thinking about fairy tales and travel and flying ointments and the need to hide things out in the open.  It looks like I'll be doing some studying and seeing what other conclusions I can come up with.  I was an avid reader of Fairy and Folk Tales when I was a child, and deeply moved by mythology legend, and history.  I was always in trouble for having my head in a book... the wrong kind of book.  I was supposed to be studying math and french, social studies and science, which I found boring. It was the 70's I was female and I needed my fathers signature on my curriculum and was saddled with languages sciences math and social studies.  He wanted me to be a Travel Agent and I wanted to be an archaeologist, or a writer, or an artist and take art history, English Literature, and history.
 I think this epiphany has led to to the beginning of an adventure into the realms over the hedge, for I put the flying ointment onto the soles of my feet last night and I still feel it's effects today.  I'm trying to figure out my dosage, because I feel I can go up a little more, and after last night, I know I can knock it up another notch.  I'll wait a few days for the effects to wear off and then knock it up to a double dose, I think that should be fine, as one and a half still was not the effect I was hoping for.  I'm pleased there seems to be no hangover or headache afterwards, and that the feeling of euphoria lasts longer than the evening.
Now is the time for me to study and reflect on what my next step should be, but I suspect I'll be wandering towards a copy of Puss and Boots and seeing what kind of plants grew by the lake where the seven league boots were.

An omen from my flying ointment

A few days ago The Witch of Forest Grove wrote a wonderful article, On Flying Ointments.  It was well written and included not only the basics of how to make one, but the various components you can use, and the implications of making ones that tend to use the more baneful herbs.  She will not give dosages, however, she provides cautions and warnings and just enough information for further study to help you along your task.  For a long time I have wanted to know just a rough guideline for more information on how to get over the hedge more easily without getting stoned.  I'm a serious student and am not looking for a cheap high.  Sometimes though, the gate to the other-side just remains elusive and all I'm looking for is the right key to get me over.  Sometimes I can get over on my own on purpose, more often than not though, I get there by accident, just bumbling over.  I'm looking for more controlled ventures.
This is not a calling for everyone, I felt the calling towards hedge-riding years ago, long before I knew about flying ointments or even what going over the hedge was.  I was very young then (about 7) and it was like watching TV these dreams, only I could somewhat control the outcome.  From then on I wanted to get over more frequently and control it.  I had no one to guide me or council me in this, yet I persisted and eventually found the information I needed here and there, to keep me going one step at a time.

I am now cobbling together all that I have learned over many years into what I call the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out"  The way I look at it, this was my tale of my journey, and what I did to get here.  It's also the journey I am now making and I don't want short cuts; it would take away from the adventures I will go on and all the exciting things that I will seen.
I did try a flying potion... I had a little wormwood.... and no I'm not telling where I got it, but I did and I have a little left, which is a good thing, because I want to use it again.  That was the herb I used when I made my flying potion on the afternoon of the 10th of September.  I didn't even wait for my partner to go to work, I was that excited and that impatient.  I read up on Wormwood and on Thujone before I continued.  I used a small amount in my potion and set it to heat in the oil on, of all things, an electric coffee warmer.  I infused the oil for the correct time and added the wax and a natural preservative (I have a full arsenal in my witches cupboard of rare and exotic, weird and bizarre).  I couldn't get it to cool fast enough and so carried it to the bathroom (in-case it was messy).  With my partner working grave-yard shift, I would have the entire night to myself to give it a try and see what happens without any interruptions.
I deliberately made it less potent, but with what I thought would be enough of a sample to see if I liked it and if it would do as I hoped.  Using my fingers to scoop out about 2 tablespoons of the very oily mass I smeared it on the back of my neck.  I don't know why I chose there, I just did.  The ointment was so greasy I was rubbing it in for a long time and ended up giving up and just letting it sit there for a bit, and then a little later I rubbed the last little bits in.
At first I didn't feel anything, but after a while, colours were more intense, and I had this sense that I could see things really clearly, as though I was truly seeing them for the first time in my life and now things made sense; at last... true clarity.  I saw where I had been going wrong with some things and what needed to be done to rectify my life and simplify things.  I had been so intent on this wheel of the year, and I still am.  I was originally going to study this year and learn more about all the rituals throughout a Witches year starting at Samhain.  About a week later I had this brilliant idea that I would open an online store and sell my crafts and get that all done for Samhain. (<This is the omen part> What I quickly realized was that although the store is a great idea, it's time has not come yet.  I need to learn more about ritual, paying homage, feasting, playing, working, magic, consecration.  I'm not ready now for the dream of the store.  However, I am ready to gather items in a couple of months and sell them off at a craft fair or farmers market. ) As I learn more, I won't struggle over the simple things and so the store (which I have wanted to do for years and years, <small business workbook dated 1990 was eye opening> perhaps decades) will have a better chance of surviving.
I saw that sometimes we as people, get caught up in the dream and completely miss out on the experience.  I was about to sell myself short.  I have been obsessed the last month crafting and studying and crafting and drawing, wanting to know everything all at once and cursing my lack of knowledge.  I was taking all the fun out of the upcoming year, and I hadn't even started it.  So I'm going back to my original plan; Wheel of the Year here I come.
There were other insights that I had as well from the flying ointment.  More personal, but helpful none the less.  I would also say yes, it helps when hedge-crossing, it did make it easier for me to lie down, relax and go over the hedge and talk to my Grandma.  The usual drowsiness I encounter when hedge crossing was not there, instead, I felt alert, but not as though I was controlling the situation, nor was I having a hallucination.
It was a positive experience and something I will take up a notch, but not a big notch.  I'm not interested in getting high, I'm interested in clarity, visions, hedge-crossing and enlightenment.  I feel this fills the bill.  There will be other experiments of course with other herbs and dosages to find the best fit for me in all this and I'm excited.  I'm keeping lots of notes in the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out" and perhaps one day I'll pass it on.  

The Epiphany

I was given a great gift today by my loving companion Sean :D.  I like to keep busy, but with this silly sleeping and bathroom business I've been housebound for 5 days now.  I'm getting cagey and more grumpy than usual and I kinda sit and look at my computer, look at my supplies, look at the TV, sigh, make a meal, eat and sleep.  I need more supplies to complete my projects.  It's hard to get into the head space I need to when I'm drawing because my spouse is very interactive and likes to give and receive attention often.
However today he needed him time, I could tell and he was about to not take it again, which of course makes him grumpy, I could see him eyeing the X-Box controller, and his hand reaching for it then pulling away.  I pretended I didn't notice for a bit so he wouldn't tie in one with the other.  I told him I had a bunch of craft work I needed to focus on and I hated not being able to get to it,   and handed him the controller.
With a big smile on his face he gave me my gift, when you open up Gmail there is a tab there called Site for making web pages and he also suggested that I might want to use it to set up an online shop for all my goods.  He's also going to help me with getting a Paypal account and a few other things I'll need to set up the shop, but then I'll have my own little business, something to help me retain some of my independence.  I had wanted to have everything connected and actually to go google with this venture the entire time and now I can.  Once I get a little further ahead, I'll set up a PO box and take full command of my work room turfing some of the stuff we aren't using because there is no room to cut fabric, let alone swing a cat.
Oh and when I look at exactly what the gift was, it makes me smile, it wasn't the knowledge of the website page builder that was the gift, it was that I needed it and he had been listening to me all along.  I feel awesome and well appreciated, because every woman really just wants to know she's been heard.
As for me, I've been working on the webpage all day, and I find the site builder confusing.  I'm going to be adding more and more to the site as I go, slowly adding my stock and keeping tabs of everything online. I think this is going to do me a lot of good, especially if I team it up with something like ad-sense or not... really not so sure on that one, but I will give it a look before completely dismissing it.

Surprise, Surprise...LOL

I went for a walk in my park today, but instead of going in my usual entrance which is here,

I wandered up the College Drive a little bit further towards the first turn-off to the right.  The reason for this is simple,  I decided that I would make a secret garden in the park and what looked like a perfect location was a small field in behind the scrub at the end of the Cul-de-sac.  I had looked up everything on Google Maps and Google Earth.  So I see the road, and walk in towards the Cul-de-sac that I know is at the end of a houseless street (according to the maps); however, this road is no longer houseless, there are, I believe four houses there, three closer to College Drive, and one near to the little round about.  Along this road is a fine selection of wild flowers that usually grow near woods, in the open areas.

I see these pretty blue flowers all over Nanaimo, along the roads and more wide open areas.

Broom is everywhere, and next time I'm remembering to poke a spare bag in my collector bag, so I can drag some home, dry it out and try my hands at making a besom style broom.

This little beauty was covered in purple flowers, and bees by the score were harvesting full throttle,how perfect I want an apiary in my secret garden, this would be ideal, so close and convenient.

This thistle too, gave me time to reflect on how wonderful this area would be.

'Well now!  This is exciting!' I thought and became giddy with delight at how close to the Hedge (the forest wall that seperates the tame and lawful from the wild and unlawful) this was.  I walked past the fancy and final house and my anticipation grew so much so that I could feel a big smile all across my face, only to be greeted by this:

and this:

Well I am a witch, a hedge-ryder, and a trouble maker extraordinaire.  I will not be held back by lame signs that mean to keep me from my goal.  I want a a secret garden and I will have one or know the reason why!  I put on my grumpy Ember face and trudged along the poorly blocked path into the scrub area just in beyond the rocks.  Ok, so no secret garden here, for there was downfall and roots standing on end, and big rock piles and no way to get past anything.  In fact, it was dangerous in there.  I knew that a new sub-division was going in not to far from the other end of those rocks, so there would be no privacy.  Although my way was blocked and this site holds absolutely no promise for creating my garden aspirations, there are some prospects on the other side of the lake, so all is not lost.  It is mid dayish and I don't do well in heat and sunlight.  I'm very fair skinned, and can be burn within 15 minutes of exposure to the sun, so I wear large baggy clothes and a hat that covers me up and provides shade, but still has a tendency to cause overheating.  I looked around my little lost area and in no time discovered a path that lead into a familiar part of the Park I'd been exploring.  I quickly made for the path with little more than a hint of regret for the loss of future garden and headed into the woods, my favorite part of any walk.

Looks like I found the forest spirit.  I want to come back and look at her, see where she's pointing, it looks like the other side of the lake, but I could be wrong.  All in all it was an excellent and informative walk.  I have lots of food for thought, now that my sleeping is back on track. 

 I finally got my partner to understand that I don't have to sleep with him when he works graveyards, but I can come and visit him, lay down until he falls asleep, do my chores, and return close to waking time and be there as he wakes up, then he doesn't miss me so much.  It has been difficult for us, this graveyard shift, but we are starting to get the hang of it and devell,op a new rhythem for a happy and productive life.

A quick definition on chores is in order as well.  I don't work, or at this point bring a penny into the house.  My partner completely supports me; however, I cook and clean, this is my nature, I love a neat house, and he is a tidy man, so it's not a bother.  He wants me to relax and enjoy my life, be as though retired.  He wants me to take the time to work on my arts, my crafts, my magic and my cooking, reading, writing, all the things I wanted to do, but never had time to do when I was supporting my kids all on my own.  He likes my art and he wants me to be the artist I was meant to be.  He supports me financially, emotionally, spiritually and even promotes my work to others.  Everything else aside, I am a lucky girl, to have someone like him and it's worth putting up with the shenanigans, guess that's what it means by unconditional love.  <3

A Little Wand Work

I am truly enjoying the end of Mercury in Retrograde.  Being back on track is just one of the advantages.  Doors and Eyes were opened between my partner and myself that should bring an ease to what has always been a turbulent relationship.  Commitments are being kept and the atmosphere is jubilant.  I'm loving it f.  Of course I know that it will ebb and flow a bit, however the intensity and frequency is gone.  I once again have the freedom to do as I please and get things done.
This include my cedar wand.  I've decided that it should be a wand for hedgecrossing.  I have been practicing my vines and using felt pens drew some blue morning glories around the wand.  However, when I went to use a fixative on it, so it wouldn't run, it ran.  I guess I need to protect and then ink it in, and then protect again.  Luckily I can sand off the old picture and put a new one on top.  I think I need to invest in some indelible inks in green, red, blue, blue, and brown.  Looks as though I have a little research and hunting to do.  I'm good with that though.  I should have the wand done by Samhain.
As well I want to work on some more magic items, not sure what, but it will come to me.  Sean is being more amenable to heading to my Son's place so I can pick up my things.  He even has access to a truck, so I might be able to do it one fell sweep.
I think, though, if I am smart, I shall work on my business cards.  I really want to get my name out there and start getting orders in to more personalize the items towards the user.  Once again I"m dithering at the end of a strangely satisfying but long day.  Time to grab my private journal and hit the sheets.

An Old Idea Revisited

Over the years I have toyed with creating my own farm, city, town, getaway, community, village, home.  My mediums have gone back and forth, from cob, to rammed earth, to log cabin or just plain wood planks.  I have gone so far as to create my own communities using graph paper and copious notebooks filled with statistical data and relevant information leading to a village that was almost completely self reliant.  I know it's radical and I always wanted to find about 10 to 100 acres of farm land, real cheap outside of a small town to try my experiment on.  I love the idea of creating Utopia, but then there are rules and as I would talk with my friends, they no longer shared my vision, control of this enterprise was being yanked from my grasp and suddenly I would play only a minor part in my own creation because someone appointed themselves in control of my ideas.  It all came down to rules and what should and shouldn't be allowed and as visionary as my ideas were, without money to back it up, things fall by the wayside.  However, I loved creating the towns, coming up with the ideas, re-inventing the wheel, so to speak.  There is also a certain sense of ownership when you have copywrited your ideas in some way, protected your creative process and you walk out with the file of creativity.  My closet is full of those (I have a temper) ... lol.... most of my ideas don't make it beyond the initial planning stages, but I am nothing if not prolific.
As I was tooling around with that idea of being a hermit, which I like to harbor every once in a while because for some sick reason I get solace from these thoughts, it struck me that I really miss (more than words can ever say) living in touch with nature; in the thick of things, where you can tell the seasons by the way the days feel on your skin and the aromas of the various aspects of each season in succession.  I had that when I lived on the Queen Charlotte Islands, but I had no way to hold onto it, and I have been feeling sort of lost ever since.  All my feelings about gardening and housing, community and market, friends and family started to come together last night when my partner went to work.  I downloaded Google Earth and found this picture:

This picture by Uncle Bob from Google Earth map.

It's a picture of Westwood Lake from the Mount Benson side.  You can see the lay of the land and one edge to the other, even hints of where the sun hits the land.  Wow it's really awesome to see the way the Lake is nestled between the city of Nanaimo, with the harbor beyond, and Mount Benson.  As I continued to look, I wondered, wouldn't it be cool to set up a garden just beyond the back of the lake, a little, but not too far off the beaten track.  Like a secret garden, with possibly even a small orchard.  It shouldn't be too hard to set up something like that and to find a custodian who will take care of it when I am gone, either from this area, or from this life.  If for any reason I move, I can create a new one.  I need never be without a garden again.

This picture by Uncle Bob from Google Earth Maps

Here is an old cabin on the bluff that overlooks Westwood Lake below.  It was something that I had considered putting in the garden, after all, who knows if the day is long, you may need a place to hang your hat for the night.  Although in some ways, it would fit in with the surroundings, I wanted something different.  For a long time I had been in love with cob building, as well as daub and wattle.  The very idea that everything that you need for a house was right there on the land waiting for you.  I think what I would like is to fence in an area... an acre or two (not really so big as you might think in the scheme of things).  The more I thought about it, the more an idea has begun to set it's roots in my mind.  I think it's time for me to sit down with pen and paper, do a little graph work, toy with a garden and some out houses (not a toilet) and a bog (a natural toilet), even a stove.  

Now where's that notebook and pen, I gots some ideas festering. :D

Do You Believe in Witches?

It has come to my attention that some people do not believe in witches, they think they are hogwash and well, that peole who think they are witches are nuts.  I'd be careful tossing that insult around, after all, what if you are wrong and we are right, we do have the ability to curse after all.  Now in the bigger scheme of things, I know that you are not going to be seeing huge fireballs errupting from my fists anytime in the near future, I'm not crazy.  However, in the past I have had lightening bolts, very thin, white ones emerge from my fingertips and head skyward.  I was sleep walking and my partner woke me, not so daintily I might add and I saw at that time the light from my fingertips and the look on his face confirmed I wasn't seeing things.  It was not some big glorious eruption, but it was a large enough shock to pretty much put an end to any life he and I had left together.  A couple of months later, my kids and I left him and the island.  It was not as cool an experience as one might have hoped for, perhaps had it happened in a more openly pagan town things might have been better for us.  Alas, the churches had one big agenda on their list... to pray for the heathens to join or depart instead of live and let live.
Lucky for me, my Doctor was awesome and we were in the same Women's are group.  She did not think me strange or perverse and said she had heard of cases where women pick up on the electric static in the air and channel it out when it becomes too much in a safe manner.  I felt better about the whole situation, and it made me realize, that yes interesting fireball or lightening strikes could happen under just the right circumstances, but that it was a rare occurance.  Besides where would one train for something like that. Yes once again I find myself wishing there was a real Hogwarts. 
One thing I always remembered about my Dad was that he wanted me to keep my feet on the ground.  He disliked me reading and thought that I lived in a fantasy world.  He kept telling me that one day I would grow up and see the world as it truly is.  Now I do a lot of reading and there is a plethora of people out there claiming to be witches, some are, some aren't, but it's those that are that intrigue me.
When you read their blogs you know that they walk the crooked path, or take journey's over the hedge.  There are so many ways of the cunning folk to travel and meet.  Yes the internet has made it easier to believe, I must admit, but then I never had a problem with believing. LOL!!! I think that ultimately, what I am saying is that things have turned around some.  I think that there is more of a belief in witches than there ever was, and this is for the better. We can preserve the knowledge at last and keep it safe for future generations, so that never again will it be banished to a broom closet and practised in fear, rather we shall hold it in reverence and supreme respect for the powers it brings.

The importance of printing and cursive writing

I was watching the news the other day and I discovered something most disheartening in this intellectual, technical age.  Did you know that your child is no longer being taught to print?  Yes, they are being taught keyboarding skills, but, they are not being taught to print.  Oh yes and cursive writing has gone by the wayside a while back.  What the hell!!!
Yes, I mean What the hell, not WTH or the ever popular WTF, and thanks is not spelled thx.  I cringe when I think about what we are doing to our language skills.  The very act of learing to print and write helps us study art, or is art going by the wayside as well.  My God, are we going to be sketching on a computer and getting the computer to copy the colours so it can be perfect, or will  photographs replace art. 
I'm completely boggled, I do not know what to say.  I mean come on, is it too late to bring back printing and writing.  Or is that going to become something that we have to get tutors for our kids in the future.  I just want to shake someone, this can't be correct, but it is.  Are we going to follow the path of Farenheit 451.  I know that progress demands we move on, but I feel this move is in the wrong direction.
Crafting, writing, reading, sewing, cooking, gardening, these are all a big part of my life.  I don't know that being unable to write using pen and paper is something we can do.  I just can't see why we would want to loose such an important part of expressing ourselves.  If so, there would not be so many alphabets, so many written languages. I'm going off to growl in my room and think.  I believe that something needs to be done about this!!!
Ahhhh!, but one more thing before I go, we move forward until we can't move forward any longer, and what happens when technology breaks down and we have to go back to basics.  That is something we may one day have to face.  I have had a full life, built houses, made furniture, sewed, cooked cleaned, created things, ridden horses and many other old fashioned skills that are no longer really taught, just handed down.  I have written instructions on how to do a lot of things.  This may one day be important, let's just hope they don't get rid of reading.  Although one would think if reading is gotten rid of there would be no more need for schools.
I must stop thinking about this, it's burdoning my soul.

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder

Have you ever made something and someone told you that they felt it could be better, or it's not your best work is it?  Or they said something that at first seems nice, but in retrospect it was catty and unnecessary, or just plain freaking mean.  Making things whether it's a painting, a dress, a story, or a cake, it's all art in some way, and you have put a bit of you in it.  Who needs to hear peoples crappy opinion of your work, especially when you are in the initial phases of learning, after all what have they done that's so great.
For a long time other peoples words would fester in my head as I tried to make something better (for them).  I just never could and I would feel angry because I felt I had wasted my time.  I had trusted these peoples opinions because they came to me as someone I held in esteem whether they were friend or family member.  Then someone, one day, made a big mistake and insulted me on something where I reign supreme, they knocked my cooking.  I am a damn fine cook, I have been since I was a young girl.  I can walk into a kitchen and make something out of practically nothing and make it taste good to boot.  Well I looked that person in the eye and I said "Really, lets see you do better."  There was dead quiet in the room as they tried to explain that they needed to have just the right pots and ingredients.  I just turned to them and in a loud whisper I said "No... I want you to do better with what I had to work with, come on lets see you."  I made room for them in the kitchen and they then had to admit they didn't know that much about cooking and they backed off and disappeared, never to be heard of again. 
I do not know why people do this and I don't care.  However, don't take to heart anything bad that anyone says.  For the most part, they are just blowing smoke out their ass, making you look small so that they can look large.  It is a shallow game they play and one you can easily avoid by saying a simple thank you, without an explanation.  You know where you are with what you are doing, and if you think you are improving, you are.  If you think you are in a rut, try a different genre.  Do not give up on yourself, practise will improve anything.  It took me a long time to find the things I really liked doing and the interesting thing about that was I discovered I was good at what I liked.  The more I liked it the better I became at it.  I still have a long way to go to be really good, but I am pleased with my progress on things. 
I am also fortunate enough to have a partner who thinks it's the cutest thing in the world when I'm sitting on my lazyboy with the feet up and knitting one of my little hats.  He watches my progress and tells me those are good enough to sell.  He wears some of my hats and sometimes people even want to buy them... It's really odd that the ones people want to buy are the ones I can't bear to part with, (like my completely black santa hat).  My partner has talked me into making a whole bunch of various pieces, some hats, some charms, some pretty little bits and bobs, and when I have enough stock, he's going to rent me a stall at the farmers market.  I hope that anyone whose had the "you suck speech" meet ups with a person as supportive as my partner.  And one more thing to remember, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, but not all need to be heard or accounted for.  When you make art, it is for you, it does not matter what anyone else thinks, all that matters is what you think.

A quick addendum to this little rambling rant, If someone who is good at what you do offers you constructive criticism so you can improve, that is a whole different matter.  Even if it comes across as a little gruff, they will show you something for your level that will help your work immensely if you are open to it.  Like if Wolfgang Puck slaps your soggy pizza crust into your hand and then offers for you to come to his restaurant and he will teach you to make a proper one, those you just have to jump on.

Harry Potter and the effects of the Goblet of Fire

I was introduced to Harry Potter in a strange way.  As often is the case, this story starts off sad, but in the end, there is a happily ever after, so to speak.
I worked in Market Research, on the phones and enjoyed the work, very much.  It was easy and there wasn't too much in the way of politic to get in the way of my family life, which was important because I was a single parent.  In my first year there, I made friends with the owner of the company and I didn't even know it.  He was just some guy in the lunch room as far as I was concerned, and i didn't give it much thought.  He even helped me out with the supervisor a couple of days later when I had to move all of a sudden and needed emergency time off.  He smoothed it over with middle management and there was no disciplinary action.  We became friends from then on, and it was then as well that I found out he was not just a middle management worker, which is what I expected, but the owner.  He was an awesome friend throughout the seven years that I worked there.  
On the first day of spring break, 1999, my son was hit and killed by a stoned driver.  Work was awesome, they arranged a week off with pay, helped me with the funeral and had people check on me during the first couple of months after he passed.  I became hard, and probably drank more than I should have, but I had good support at work and before things became out of hand, they were handled.  However, I was still grieving and often I would go into work, depressed, sad, lost, but that subsided as time went on.
Now my boss, being the kindly man that he was, suggested I read Harry Potter.  This man was an executive, he wore suits, ran meetings, organized social events, was a mathemetician at UBC, had actually read all the books so far and he wanted me to read a children's book.  I told him that I might read them, but I was not overly fond of children's books.  He kept up and kept at me, until finaly I relented.  I got through the first book in just a couple of days.  I couldn't put the book down, in fact I read it on the bus to work, had it on my lap under my desk at work and I just kept reading every chance I got.  I caught up quickly and by the time book 4, Goblet of Fire came out, I was under it's spell completely and chomping at the bit to read it.  It was perfect timing for me to read that book when I did.  I have fallen in love with Harry, and seen myself feeling as though my own son had come back to life, and when Cederic Diggory died, and so suddenly, I could relate to the fathers outburst, and it was then I finally let loose with a barage of tears that put an end to the misery I had been feeling for so long about the loss of my own son.

Needless to say, I have enjoyed the entire series of books; the movies, the memorabelia (I even have a Hedwig packsack, some chocolate frog haulographic cards, some knuts, some t-shirts and more).  I am a total fan, simply because of the healing properties within it's pages.  My son was 12 when he rode his bike over to the other side of the hedge, he always wanted to be mage, and well he was just an incredible kid.  I thank J.K. Rowling for bringing him back to life for me in a small way, and for helping me come to some closure with The Goblet of Fire in particular.

Matthew Justin Graham
December 10, 1986 to April 13, 1999

RIP

Indian Pipe Plant

So the other day I went for a walk and discovered some Indian Pipe Plant growing in the area.  It's an interesting little plant, that when touched will turn to black goo, or blacken and wither, so harvesting it, is not an option.  This interesting little plant has no chlorophyll, so naturally it is eerily devoid of colour.  In fact it almost has a luminescent quality that reminds me of glow in the dark toys that suck up the light from the sun and when you put them in the dark, they glow.  Due to the nature of the plant being so easy to destroy and the fact that it is a parasite and requires two hosts makes the Pipe Plant rather uncommon.







Since the plant has no chlorophyll, it cannot make it's own food, therefore it's survival relies on a host. Two hosts actually, one being a mushroom either the Russula or the Lactarius, that the plant can attach itself to the mycelia (root like threads) of the above mentioned fungii, which is already taking nutrients from a beech or pine tree.

Now luckily for me, I had been out mushroom hunting and noted that not only were some Amanitas both Muscarias and some Pantherinas nearby, but also there were some Russula.  I noticed them peeking out from beneath the gnarled roots of pine that grow near the pathway into Westwood Lake by the mobile home.  I did not pick up any of the mushrooms, I was not in the headspace to sort out good from bad, but I took note of their shape and form, drew a few by hand because I find the shapes appealing and there has always been some secret there that I know one day I will unlock, that day is close, but it is not here yet.

However; I know that I will find the amanitas again, probably come fall, just before Samhain, which is my goal really, to have some amanitas for Samhain, and as a backup, I will see if I can pick up some amanita oleum, only to take a small dose.  I'm not looking for a full on drug trip, just a more heighted experience of my normal journies over the hedge.



A little change in how I practice

I have always done my magic on the fly.  My workings constrained by jobs, my mother, my kids, partners (there were only a few, but some had incredible demands on my time and I was always a long term kind of girl), friends.  I pick things up easily, have a generous nature, work hard and have acquired a number of good skills.  I also make friends easily and here is where the rub comes.  Not all people who are friendly towards you are true friends, although they say they are, you can find yourself mired in their work as well as your own.  I was forever helping with resumes, or anything clerical, as well as cooking, cleaning, etc., and there was nothing in it for me, for once I'd performed my task they were too busy with their own life to return the favor.  So, in the last little while I have learnt to say no I'm busy, especially after seeing how much I had accomplished for others and how little I have for myself.  It's bad business, the whole lot of it.  I love my new word and it's good to be able to say it and mean it.  I've even learned not to explain myself, that just opens it up for people to convince you why it should be yes, (ever heard the words "I would never do that" duck and cover, get out of there fast.  A flat out no stands up on it's own and a quick stern look locks it into place. 
For the first time in my witching career, I can actually plan my rituals, and spellwork, as well as my craftings.  This makes me happy, as I've done well on the fly, but I like to imagine that I can do more if I perform my work at the more auspicious times.  Although I've done well in the past, I never really felt that connection.  I kept hoping that as I grew stronger I would feel it, but no.  There is a whole hierarchy to connecting with the spiritual side and talent aside I just felt like too much was missing.  I needed to more fully commit.
After reading a few blogs, The Witch of Forest Grove and Swampwitchery were the ones that I clung to most.  I had always been interested in brooms, flying ointments, and the history of witchcraft.  I never believed that witches simply crawled on a broom and flew about the skys.  I just had to know more and strangely enough, I wanted to try it.  I wanted to  go where they went, however they went and see what they saw.  So that too is part of my journey, to get more in touch with my spiritual me go over the hedge, commune with my relatives on the other side of the hedge.
The other thing that was lacking was my homage to my diety, Ember, the Spark of Creation.  I have always loved that name, Ember.  It came to me when I was a young girl and in studying the name discovered it was also part of the ember months, or the burning months.  It has a lovely history all it's own and in my head I chose her as my deity.  I worship her and try to emulate my ideals of her.  I do not believe she created thing,s all on her own, I believe she has a consort, that changes, and I had decided this long before I had ever read any history of people and religion and pagan history etc.  Even as a child I knew it took two to create a world and it was their dynamic natures that governed it.  I understood that woman tended the hearth and made the home beautiful and that men kept it safe, and stocked with meat.  That being said, men had a life cycle that was much less than a womans so in my young mind it just made sense that Ember and her consort ruled the universe.   However that is an entry for another day.  Needless to say, I have not been sacrificing or paying homage, as she so justly deserves.  In my life I have had losses, but losses are different, they are lessons to be reminded of or learnt, but they are not in lieu of holding the divine in a state of reverence and presenting them with gifts for the many gifts they give us.  I was not lazy, I was interrupted with too many things on my plate.  In the last couple of months I have been giving gifts when and where I can, a home made biscuit with yummy raspberry jam, a piece of fine imported chocolate, some fruits, but I need to learn more about gifting the gods.  It's not a payment, I do love my Ember dearly, I want to make her happy, because she makes me happy.
As simplistic as this entry is, it is leading to the fact that things must be done auspiciously and never before have I felt such a pull as now.  I am working on my crafting room, which will also contain several altars, one to Ember, one to my ancestors, and perhaps one for the consort.  I'll be working on my timing of events and will be using my Correspondances more diligently from now on.  Making sure I'm doing things at the right time of the month, on the right day of the week.  Eventually I will have a Correspondance for what you do magically during the year, but I want to get first the first wheel of the year before I'm out of my depth.

The Wheel of the Year

It’s barely august and I’m already thinking about Samhain.  I have been reading and getting in touch with myself and my arts and crafts, the little things I do every day.  I am so bad at doing the right thing at the right time because I become sidetracked or distracted.  It’s like a curse, and guilt had always worked wonders upon me.  Finally, my partner, one of the worst offenders told me I should start saying no.  He noticed I was becoming unwell for extended periods of time and that I rarely seemed to get a moment to myself to do what I wanted to and when I finally did it will filled with constant interruptions.  He was awesome in the way he pointed it out and from that I have discovered that time is starting to slow down and that there is time for me now that I have no back in my vocabulary.  With that said I want to create a blog devoted more to the Wheel of the Year and less time on my trials and tribulations with my personal life.

Officially, the blog won’t really start until the 31^st of October, however; I will be updating, adding and subtracting various elements, until I have it stylized just right to my needs, and hopefully you too will enjoy the read.  For now, I will just let you know what I am up to and where I am headed until that remarkably fateful day occurs.

During the year, I will outline my rituals, discuss my wild-crafting travels and the goodies I pick up, my crafting and creating of magical items, my journey to find a shamanic teacher so I can get to my next level, and so much more.  I’m excited about this journey, because I think it will bring me closer to my true spiritual nature.  Hell, even my partner is backing me up, and he isn't a pagan.  I figure I have enough time to get calendars together and everything set up so I can bring them up in advance.  A calendar of events for the month, followed by that month’s magical journal, holy days, and moon phases and the antics I get up to (including pictures).  I am fortunate enough to live 5 minutes away from Westwood Lake in Nanaimo, so foraging for wild-crafting will be an amazing adventure in itself.
I am also creative and enjoy crafting of all types, cooking, sewing, knitting, crocheting, drawing and much more, and as I create thing magically, I will be posting what I do.
In other words, welcome to my magical life.