It's been a while...

I haven't posted in a while.  I landed on my feet, and found a place to stay, so I'm not sleeping in a tent in the cold.  I feel fortunate to have a couch to sleep on and meals.  I've been unpacking, healing and working on being more active in the community again.  I'm working on finding all of my tools and treasures so I can set up sacred space, but that takes time.
I have also been participating in my local Occupy movement, and that keeps my mind occupied.  I've moved on to bigger and better things, and had to put some things aside.  Right now is not the time to be visiting a teacher. I feel very strongly that with our current government, it won't be long before religion is dictated to us.  I could not bare that.
Having freedom is one of the most amazing experiences that one can enjoy.  I took it for granted and will never do that again.  I've chosen my path and as soon as I have gone through my things and found my tools I will be practicing once again.
I landed close to a Park, so I can just walk in and do some foraging in there.  My son's place has mice, and I don't want to call them, but I do want them outside, not in my things, so we picked some holly and placed it around the house.  I suspect we need more, but then, it's only into the park for a quick peek and harvest.
Blessings to you all. :D

Current Events

My life right now is all over the place.  The move has not happened, however, oddly enough my partner has a new Iphone. I suspect the rent money for the new place went to his new phone.  His blackberry is not even a year old and we are not rich.  I'm working very hard on not jumping to conclusions, but it is very difficult not to see the writing on the wall.
On Saturday I went and spent the day at our local Occupy site and gave them my full support and in return they gave me theirs.  I have been very active on the forums and the facebook pages, so much so that people, when they found out I was coming, actively looked for me there.  I have been communicating with several people in private messages and actually talked with a young lady who informed me that  I am welcome at the site to stay there until they can help me find a warmer place to live.  I have a lot to offer actually, so it's beneficial to all around.
If you follow my work, you know I have deleted some posts and that I don't want to post my personal life all over the place.  I'll make it simple, I would rather live in a tent in a Canadian winter, with no money and few possessions, then stay one more minute with my partner than I have to.  And with that being said, that is what is happening.  I am rebuilding from the bottom up and may never have a home again.  Once I am settled I will be blogging from the Occupy site.
I am not a crazy woman, I have not come to this decision lightly.  You see, except for my odd forays into the park and the twice a month grocery shop, which required permission and which came with a penalty afterwards.  I have not been allowed to leave the house in months and months, and months.
Many Blessings to you all.

Time

I had the best intentions last night to bring in the new year with a bit of a ritual.  We are moving and I spent the majority of my night, until well after midnight, packing up my ritual room, which had really turned into more of a junk room as the antics from my old Landlord made it impossible for me to open curtains, windows make much noise without him texting my partner and giving him suggestions as to what I was doing in there.  None of it was pretty or happy, however, that is all old news and has been tossed to the side.  Needless to say, all my ritual stuff is safely in boxes ready to go.  The peace of mind that this has brought about is amazing.  I only have my books to put into boxes and that room is done.  Kitchen is tonight's project, oh and the bedroom drawers.  There was no time nor place for me to perform the ritual and I"m not sure that in this place, with all that's gone on, that the ritual would have worked out satisfactorily.

I know that once I am into the place, I'll be doing plenty of rituals, the important thing, I figure, was to celebrate.  That I did, with an awesome trip over the hedge.  I applied a goodly amount of my seven league boots flying ointment and traveled beyond the hedge.  I ran into my son and we conversed about where I was going and what I was doing.  He heartily approved and bid me to continue on my journey.  As I walked the path that I so often walk that takes me to the crossroads, I had a visit from Freyja and as well from Odin.  They gave me a few portents, but mostly they wanted me to know that my choice to move was a good one, and that soon everything that I wanted would fall into place, including learning the runes and meeting my teacher.  I was told that I would be enjoying my wheel of the year, and that information that I was looking for was closer then I realized.  

My studies occupy my thoughts often.  I have already filled many pages with information I have gleaned about the runes.  I'm studying the Elder Fulwark and every day now I do a reading and note it in the journal part of my book of shadows.  I am currently learning about the various Norse Gods, and go back and forth between reading a little of the Poettic Edda and information regarding the various gods themselves.  I get excited when I study and hate to be interrupted so am cooking less and reading more.  (My round little belly thanks me).  

Once we are more settled, I'll be  heading into the green belt behind our apartment to see what kind of wild things I may find there.  I love a new challange, and although it's not a lake or a park it is a big patch of green, more wild and less traveled than the woods I have been exploring the last year.

All in all, I feel that in my own way I have welcomed in the New Year and begun my project well.  I'll continue to work towards discovering the meanings of my dreams and memories.  This year holds so much promise.

Blessings all. 

Samhain, The Wheel of the Year

All Hallows Eve has arrived, and the move has not yet begun.  Our New Landlord is awesome and the move will happen soon.  It's the Island and it runs on Island time, which is slow and laid back. A few more days while the other tenant moves out is not a big deal. I can handle that.
My partner leaves for work tonight at 10:00 pm, and with that, I will set up an alter to be ready for midnight. I'll have time for a bath and to make a little snack worthy of the gods.  I know that tonight I will dedicate myself to the study of the Norse and Celtic mythology/faith as well as the war at the sea of Amergin that banished the fae into the cairns below the earth they once hunted.  I know that this year I will be creating the garment that Freya asked me to make, all covered in runes and my version of Yggdrasil.  I have set myself to learning the runes, and it's taking it's time.  Most likely because I want to know as much as possible about each rune so that I can divine more easily and more accurately.  I have this overwhelming desire to do this with flare.  To put my entire heart and soul into it.  This is the core of my project for the wheel of the year.  I have no hearth fire to light, so a candle will be my hearth for now.
What cinched the deal was learning about the ancestor worship.  Until this year I had never really understood that it was not necromancy, but speaking with the spirits of your family.  I  had to drop all my preconcieved notions of myself, magic, the word witch.  I was on the trail about 5 years ago when I discovered the work of Robin Artison.  It was through his writings and his links that I kept looking into different kinds of belief and magic.  As I kept looking I discovered a word... haegtessa... that led me to a blog by a young woman named Sarah Lawless who has several blogs, but the one I love the most is the Witch of Forest Grove.  From there I jumped in with both feet.  Her blog is like a mentor to me, with no judgement, just explanations.
I have started a journal in a note book to deal with all my personal strife and woes, so I can learn from my mistakes and move on.  I have discovered a little button called revert to draft and after thinking long and hard, I'll be removing posts that are not involved with progress towards my studies.  I'll keep them around to learn from them, but there is no need to make them public... they are now for my use only.  I got to thinking what a handy little button ... it's like unpublish. :D
I wish you all a very Merry Samhain and hope it is as mystical and magical for you as it is for me.  Blessings to you all.

Back on Track

I started packing up my things late last night.  I don't know why I felt like I had to pack up a couple of boxes in the middle of the night, but that is exactly what I did.  It was my back room full of art supplies, 25 years worth of notebooks (filled), some fabric and crafting items like beads and buttons threads and yarns.  the items I use for worship and sacred crafting and a small selection of books.  This room held so much potential and it is a shame that I was unable to use it the way it was intended. In fact, it became a junk room with things just tossed hither and yon without a thought because the room was just so uncomfortable to be in. I look forward to my new bedroom, which will have an entry to the balcony I believe (if not there is still a window).  It will house my desk and sewing machine, shelves and my altar.  I am so excited and this keeps me motivated.

For now, this move will give me some much needed breathing space and an opportunity to find me again.  There will be no cable or internet for that matter, for I don't know how long.  Hopefully I can get that rectified quickly.  I don't care about the cable for TV though, I want to get my books back and read all the things I am behind on.  The first thing going up in that room is my Wheel of the Year and that actually might be put on the door.  I will have time to complete my task of learning the runes.  I also hope now to meet some people and talk with them about Norse magic.  I still have so many things to study, which all got lost in the push and shove to just survive being in this negative place.  I know what I have been asked to study and that communing with the Gods has become easier since I discovered my magic blanket which I sleep on nightly to keep me safe and use primarily for flying.  I think of it more like a magic carpet, and for now it works wonders.
I have been given tasks by my Gods and I want to get those down on paper and complete them in a timely fashion so I don't loose the lesson of it.  As each day goes by and the move looms ever closer, I become happier knowing that soon I will be sleeping well every night, and that shopping will no longer be a burden.  Already my life is better and I am completely satisfied with the direction it is going.  I think a Samhain move is perfect.... First thing I'll do is clean out any lingering bugaboos and work on creating a totally safe and harmonized home.

Moving and Changes

Lately I have not had anything go my way, and when I say lately I mean in the past couple of years lately.  Nothing has gone well or right or anything and I have been floundering.  I have been blaming others for my unmet desires and all in all acting childishly.  My wants and needs were not that demanding, surely I could have had a little something go my way, went my thoughts.  I have been acting foolishly actually.  I might not be getting what I want, but stuff is still happening.  I still have a life and I can do what needs to be done.... You see it never was up to me and putting my fate into the hands of the Gods is the best thing I could have done.  I am not in control, they are.  They always have been, and I might not like it, but the Gods have a reason for everything.  I will admit that moving over towards a more Norse mythology, I am more comfortable and actually hear them talking to me.

So, for now, here's the plan.  I will make no more plans, I will take what the Gods have to offer.  I will learn more about the Gods, the runes and Yggdrasil as I have been told, and I will stop jumping to conclusions about what this or that means.  At least for now until I am more comfortable with the path that is being shown to me.

I knew I would be moving, there has been so much stress with the Landlord. I think all the stress has not just got to me, but to my partner as well.  He found us a place and we move in for the first.  I have 5 days to pack, which is way better than the last time we moved.  I was told we are moving and to start packing now.  

I went out and about a couple of nights ago and was told in my dreams, by Odin no less, that these woods you have loved so dearly, no longer hold what you need.  Your new woods lie to the North.  This was before I found out we were moving.  I thought well, I must be moving into the woods, that is going to be cold work creating a shelter.  I was told mushrooms grow here, and other goodies and trinkets.  I was told happiness lies to the north, as does the freedom that I so desire.

We are finally getting away from the Landlord and his oppressive family.  We will be able to sleep comfortably, knowing we are safe.  It is a security apartment, so no one can get in without being buzzed in.  The back way leads into a serious stretch of green belt and my mushrooms are there, I just know it.  The mall, which also has a bus depot is less than 15 minute walk from the building.  I can go shopping when I wish.  I can go anywhere, any time I like.  Ideally I had wanted my freedom returned and it looks like it has come back to me.

I know it will take a while for me to reap the benefits of this new situation.  I think though, that my Samhain is going to be celebrated with the ultimate move and a cleansing of the soul. :D  What a way to start the Wheel of the year.  In it's own way, this is the best possible outcome for me to ensure that I am happy, as well as those around me. 

Blessings all.

Life happens

There is so much for me to think about these days.  I feel overwhelmed and yet, some of it is everything that I have asked for.  Other parts of it are just laying in wait for an opportune moment.  I'm not sleeping well and with so many things up in the air and so many paths available to me I have not even had a chance to plan out how I'm going to get everything done.

I have an opportunity to study with a Norse Shaman, who happens to live on a neighbouring Island, so he is only a ferry ride away.  It's actually the chance of a life time and he has put me to my first task of learning the runes.  I am excited about this and am learning them fairly quickly considering all that is going on.

I'm one of the 99%, as so many of us are.  However, I am opinionated, and passionate and have joined Occupy Nanaimo, so from the sidelines I have been writing letters and getting steamed and calming things down on the forums when I can.  It is something I really believe in because it's becoming more and more impossible for me to produce 3 meals a day on our budget.

We have  had issues with our SlumLandlord, so we have been looking for a place to live.  It looks like we may have found one.  This means I will be packing up all of our stuff over the next few weeks if everything goes according to plan.  Once we move out I will be able to, in theory, go out more.  When we move, things will be easier, I'll be close to shopping and buses and friends again, but that is a month away.

In all honesty, since I've found out we are moving, I've been happier.  Hope has returned and I'm actually looking forward to the new place.

Off Kilter

I am starting to think that I am off kilter.  I'm a libra and my balance is way off.  I know this and am aware of how it is affecting me.  It's hit my writing and my arts and crafts.  I don't even want to cook any more.  I feel like a hollow shell and that I have forgotten my path.  My path is... and then it trails off into nothingness.  Now I have done some interesting things magically, but can I write about them,.... no.... what comes out is anguish.  I really do have much to share, like I think I've found my spiritual path.... not just the Wheel of the Year.... I have discovered thorough going over my memories and taking certain steps to improve the quality of my life that I may even have a teacher.  This too may even get me out of here.  I think I'm mostly afraid of jinxing it last minute.  I'm working on a letter right now and hoping to change my stars.  To study with a Shaman would be so awesome for me.  It is what I have hoped for.

I keep my fingers crossed!

Samhain - Out with the Old, in with the New

It's Sunday, so I'm doing my usual "tour de blog" (catching up on the blogs I missed during the week) and there was a common theme.  Samhain, the time of crossing over, ancestor worship and the ancient relighting of the hearth-fires, is also known as a New Year of sorts.  I must admit that it makes sense to have a beginning starting out on this date.  Now, when I was a girl, we celebrated Halloween by running around in costumes and collecting candy, then at the end of the evening, around ten pm we would all gather at the three-way crossroad on our quiet road and watch fireworks that our fathers put on.  There was that sulfury smell on the air and you could sense the magic if you were weird like me.  Our street bordered a forest, not a wood, a forest, vast and lush with a canyon and waterfalls, a river, trees and trails that led on occasion to a small little log cabin.  In the fall if my big lumberjack cousin was visiting we would go traipsing through there and he made sure we were always home in time for dinner.
It's now only a couple of weeks away until Samhain begins.  Whenever I go out I'm transported to other times and my memories fill me with a joy that gets me through the day.  I recall pumpkins being carved on the faux stone floors in the basement while watching Halloween cartoons.  I remember creating costumes for my small children when kids could still run around and collect the booty door to door.  The memories of reading 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow' under the covers with a flashlight until the wee small hours and not getting caught.  From these thoughts I harness my inner strength and feel as though I am able to handle anything.
I start the beginning of my Wheel of the Year in about two weeks.  My life is full of getting rid of the old and starting with the new.  I have a new page on Facebook that only my friends know of.  I have this blog that is mine and still somewhat new.  Rest is the key, keeping focused on my goals will help me get there faster.

It's check in time for the Witchy Fitness Challenge

So After all that I have found out in the last couple of days, I've been surprisingly calm and using it to my advantage with the Witchy Fitness Challange.  Walks are good things, very good things.  I'm getting out 3 days a week.  I'm hoping to get that up to 5 days by next check in, but I'll have to see.  My partner, I've noticed is not very supportive, but then I don't need him for support.  He wants bacon... always bacon and he likes to give me extras by putting it right in my mouth.  I know he is sabotaging me and my lofty goals, but I keep my portions down and I know how much he loves bacon and I talk him into no more than a bite now, so ha....  Breakfast, fortunately is the only meal we have together now because of his schedule for being a security guard.  The other plan I'm working on while I walk is how to get out of here even more quickly so that my desire to be healthy is not trod upon.  Walking is a good think tank enducer.
I'm going to keep up with this and hopefully I'll be able to log in with a weight loss or diminishing inches.  One thing I do know, I'm not going to let anything stand in my way.  I read somewhere that the truth can set you free, I believe it now.  :D  To all you ladies I hope you stick with this program, I think it's working.  I'm already getting out more than I used to, I'm meeting new people and starting to hook up with old friends I haven't talked to in years.

Saturday Check in for the Get Off your Broom Challange

So today is the The Get Off Your Broom Challenge check in.  I thought I would have aced this, but no.  There have been a few interruptions and upsets and now my stomach  has reacted in the worst way possible, and the very reason I became a couch bound witch is rearing it's ugly head.  I hate IBS.... I curse it and send it back to the bowels of Hades, where it can wreak it's havoc on someone more deserving (I have a list of more deserving).  Hard core exercise is off limits until my stomach settles down again.  Walks are good and instead of the calisthenics and walking every other day, I"m switching up to something I can accomplish.... Walks every other day and easy to eat foods, like rice, poultry, jello, simple soups, poultry, nothing that will aggravate this tummy of mine.  With luck this will be better in a couple of weeks, it always blows over as long as I don't over do.
However there is one exception..... being Canadian we have Thanksgiving on the 10th of October, so we are still doing Turkey Day and I will not give up my stuffing.  Thankfully sweet potato, butternut squash and mashed potatoes are easy on the tummy, and turkey is poultry :D.  There will be no wine, but I might make a Chai tea for sipping on in the afternoon, while we smell that turkey cooking.  I'm doing the turkey tomorrow, it's an all day event, we like it slow cooked at a low temperature, and having it fall off the bone all juicy and moist is the best way to eat it. Then there is the next day off being all sleepy and relaxing from all the tryptophan in the bird.
One more thing I'll be doing is looking up ways to alleviate stress, maybe take up yoga or something so that this does not happen again.

1 step forward, 2 steps back, 3 whopping steps forward

My partner knows just how upset I have been and with the Landlord demanding the return of the computer we had been renting, my hopes were dashed for the wheel of the year project.  All of my notes were on it and I had no idea how I was going to be able to work on anything without internet access.  I spent most of last night uploading to Google and stuffing my flash drives with my favorite programs, spreadsheets and things I've created.  There were tears at the frustration and the loss of it all, but aside from the occasional sniffle, I stayed quiet.  It is not my partners fault, it is the Landlords and one day soon he will get his comeuppance.  To be quite honest I have been feeling thin, like not enough butter spread on too much bread.  Everything has been lacking and my life has been dictated by this man, when I can come and go, what I am allowed to do, and he is rude to me, so I ignore him and pretend like he's not there and won't answer the door when I'm alone because nothing good can come of visiting a woman alone after 10 pm.

My partner has a way of pulling the perfect thing out of thin air, and after dropping me off to do the grocery shopping, he went shopping, unbeknownst to me.  As I shopped I stormed around, worried that the Landlord would break into the place somehow and just snatch my computer and with everything on it.  I got through the checkout and called my man to come pick me up... and it was then that he told me he was wiping my computer and making sure that everything was off it because he was going to go throw it at the Landlord.  He knows there are things on there that I created that are next to impossible to recreate, he also knows that those are the things I put on my flash-drive last night so he wasn't worried that if he wiped it clean that I would be missing stuff.  I told him thanks and the tears started to flow... I'd never been so glad that he couldn't see my tears, he didn't deserve them.  I walked my groceries outside and waited the 15 minutes it takes to pick me up, wiping the the tears from my face and neck, wishing they would stop.  They finally did just as he showed up and he helped me put the packages in the back of the car.  He started to tease me about how he had no money left and then realized I was too upset to wrap my head around something as mundane as a joke.  "I went to the pawn shop, Baby, and I spent some of the money we were going to use for the move on a new laptop for you. It's better than mine and has a nice big screen so you can work on your blog more easily."  I was so happy I burst into tears.  He knew how much I had been bugged by everything that has been going on since before my birthday, and he smiled, said happy birthday as well, and then he told me what he had discovered.

Tonight when he got home after buying the new laptop, he realized he had left his keys inside.  Now he needed to get in and he also had put in the lock that kept others out, especially the Landlord, who when we first moved in had been visiting while all of us were out.  So my baby used a credit card  and jimmied the lock, easily (which he didn't expect), when he got in he noticed that the weather stripping we had put up had been removed and the lock was easier to get at.  I had been telling my baby that stuff was missing and moved around, and he had returned to calling me wacko, so I stopped telling him.  As he showed me how easy it was to break in,  I told him money was missing from the jar, and had frequently been going missing.  I'm no longer the wacko.  I have a new kick-ass computer and I have been vindicated.  My day went from worrying about not being able to blog, study, research and write any longer, to the complete opposite.  I love my new toy, it's perfect.  My man is happy and I'm happy... and tomorrow the Landlord will be happy because he will have his lappie back.  I may have to kick around and wait until my baby is home so I can go for walks, but I have my life back again.  Looks like I won't have to give up my Witchy Fitness Challenge, which was of course my biggest worry.
You see being rather reclusive, it's important that when I reach out, I don't loose that life line and retreat all over again. :D

Rant Alert - Evil Landlords deserve what they get

(This being a rant, it may be vulgar, and jump around a bit.  I'm still angry, more than angry, but at least I have most of my words back.)

Seriously - you are my landlord... do you not see my name on the lease.  You tell my partner you didn't think I lived here any longer because I went away for a month and stayed with my son.  You saw me come back.... You are difficult to live below, you are rude and your children are worse... You peek in the windows and hover around doorways trying to get snippets of conversation.  Why do that if I'm not here and my partner lives alone.   In fact you have been in the house and right in front of me you tell my partner how worthless I am and that I do things while he's at work... oh if you mean read witch books and blogs.... sorry he already knows you tattle tale as for anything else that would be a lie I'm too busy reading.   Do you think we are completely stupid.  You are playing a dangerous game myfriend considering immigration is at your doorstep.  I am just this side of running up to the top of the cliff and yelling your name out to the gods for them to deal with you post haste.  I have curses to utter all using blunt and rusty implents of destruction on your most treasured body parts.... don't worry it won't be touching your head... there's not enough brains to worry about there.  

You've turned away my mail... and what few you have let through have been steamed open.  You want me gone and you want my partner to get a new room mate so you can charge more rent... that was not the deal... you've renegged on all the deals and all you do is hold out your hand for more money... you refused us receipts and we paid in cash...... and now you have your come upance and you want my partner to fix it so you don't get in trouble.  well... no we won't.... we want our receipts... your soon to be ex wife wants her part of that money... and she wants her house back.... 

If I do leave my partner it is because I want it... not because you made him throw me out on the streets... this is the worse part... because this is what has been suggested because I don't work. I do clean the house, make the meals, do the shopping, run the household to the point that well I don't have much time for me to get my things done and I barely fit my life in around my partners and the landlords.... somewhere along the lines it was mentioned I am woman... I am evil... I must be kept busy... I honestly thought they were joking...

We've decided to move... as quickly as we can, but I'm not going to be able to pack anything up if he keeps up on stuff...  so that's where I'm at.  Okay forget mountain climbing for now... I'm still sore from last climb... but some serious magic is going down and that fucker is getting bound so tight he won't be able to shit for a month.

Ok.... rant over we return to our normal programming.

Samhain is coming - Woo Hoo!!

My mind just did a complete throwback to when I was young, 'Oh look, Halloween is coming!' and that feeling of magic filled me up.  I remembered the days getting shorter and watching for my dad out the window because when he got home he might have a little treat for us.  We'd go through his suit pockets and voila... there would be pieces of peanut brittle, toffees, or chocolate.  Then we would have a nice dinner, and watch TV.  You knew Halloween was just around the corner because the holiday programming started up about a week before.  There would also be the creating of the costume (my mom could sew) and the finding of a pillow slip big and strong enough to hold all the loot.  My mother was German and my father was English, neither one had any real idea what Halloween was, so what we learned was in school and we would bring the concepts home to my parents and try to get away with as much as my parents would allow.  

Now at my school we read scary stories like 'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'.  We would cut out pumpkins, each year they became more intricate as our skills improved.  There were lectures on safe candy collecting and on Halloween day, there would be the big school assembly with a film on the perils of trick or treating gone wrong.  There was only one thing missing.... the lore.

There was no teaching about Samhain, not even any mention of it.  So this needs to be remedied.  I start my Wheel of the Year this Samhain, where I practice all the seasonal holidays of my faith.  There is so much to study, iconic imagery, ritual, food, devotion, and only a variety of holy days.  Over the next couple of weeks I'll be studying and posting some of my findings in preparation for creating my own personal ritual.  I'm excited and nervous, because I've never gone to such extremes, and it does feel good to finally practice the way I want to.  

My kids are grown, my partner now works full time.  For the first time in decades everything has fallen into place and I am getting regular quiet time so that I can do as I please uninterrupted.  Actually... it's the first time ever that I have had quiet time and everything is still sinking in.  I have time to do the artwork, study the history, and prepare the ritual, so I guess it's time to pull out my agenda and make the big transition from words to deeds. :D

The one hour walk

Fitness Challenge

So I start my journey with the getting off my broomstick with a walk, an hour long walk and ramble and even a climb up a very step rocky outcrop.  I walked the whole time, only stopping long enough to take a few photos.  My legs hurt, my butt hurts and my hands hurt, but it was nice to know I could still climb, even with the added poundage.  It was a good walk and I came home with this huge sense of satisfaction.  I feel better, and tomorrow I do calisthenics unless I do my big shop... my big shop is an hour of running around the superstore, and filling a cart to overflowing.  This is taxing on the mind, on the body and on the soul, because the prices make me want to rant.  So lets return to my happy space and here are the pictures I took from going for my walk.  By the end of the month I want to be able to walk the entire way around WestWood Lake in an hour.  I've not done the entire circuit yet, but I am getting close.

The lake is filled with dead trees.

I climbed that hill coming and I climbed it going... HAHA - Take that!

These guys here were fishing for Wide Mouth Bass and their dog was real friendly.

This one shows the tops of the trees more closely.

A great view of the lake and the shore.

Ok... I know this is not the lake, this is the path home, and I cross this way many times.  It's at the top of that hill that I climb and there is a sense that witches have worked here.  There are little offerings of balancing stones frequently found her, and a clearing that looks as though it's been swept and rocks placed in just such a way.  This time they are all together, but I have seen them in a round and other shapes.  It even looks like the log at the back is a bench of some kind.  

I made my way home and slumped myself down on the couch with a glass of water, because I knew I'd overdone it a bit and I would not be getting up for quite a while.  

The Get off your Broom Witchy Fitness Challenge

After a lot of sitting around and wishing I'd spent more time outside enjoying the weather.  I got up off my butt and looked at the big mirror in our living room.  I normally don't like looking there.... the silvered glass is so stark.... and honest however this is what greeted me:

That's me in all my glory... and don't I look thrilled.  Truth be told, I'm only 5 foot 2 and weigh a whopping 170 pounds.  As for my measurements, they go something like this:

hips 46 inches

waist 35 inches

chest 41 inches

thighs 24 inches

arms 14 inches

This is not acceptable to me.  How am I supposed to tromp through the woods and collect things without leaving more destruction than it's worth.  I let it get to far.

My true goal is to loose 60 pounds, but for now, for this project I'm halving it and for the next 3 months my goal is to loose 10 pounds a month.

The plan is simple, I will walk in my woods for an hour, every other day. On the alternate days I will do calisthenics for half an hour.  I've always eaten healthy, so that's not a problem, it's more about portion size.  My partner likes to encourage me to eat up it's yummy.  The food is yummy, but the added fat is not, so I'll be saying no to seconds and thirds.

So there you have it... my first post for the Get off your broom, Witchy Fitness Challenge.

It all started with a root.

About 15 years ago, give or take a year, I lived on Haida Gwaii with my family.  We had a small piece of land, about an acre located off the Island Highway between the Skidegate dump and Tlell.  My kids were young and our property kept us pretty busy, so there was not a lot of time for me to practice witch craft.  However, I did a lot of knitting, sewing and cooking up there and got those skills up, and those come in handy for other witchy things.  I'm  getting off track here, so I'll get on with it.  I really wanted a wand and I didn't have one and I had no idea how to get one, so I called out to the heavens and I asked for one.  

In fact the truth of the matter was I'd been arguing with my husband all morning and he was being a bully and wrecking everyone's fun so I wanted to blast him in the ass with the wand. My kids were not allowed to run up and down the beach in case people were there.  My son was hyperactive and needed a run, but the way my husband (his step dad) made it out was that my kid was out of control and do something bad and unpredictable.  Not so, he was just exuberant at times not an ass.  Anyways I had wanted my son to have a good run and get a little tired and relaxed. Finally Valen capitulated and decided to run with Lloyd up towards the end of the beach but I'd have to watch Matt. So as soon as they ran off, I took Matt by the hand and got him to walk with me towards a grove of trees between the road and the beach.  I told him I wanted a wand and that I had a feeling there was one here.  We looked all over the place without finding anything and finally I get called over to where Valen and Lloyd were; they were ready to go home now.  As luck would have it I tripped over a root and loosened it. There at my feet was a stick about 15 inches long. 

The hairs on the back of my neck prickled up as I realized I found my wand.  It was old and gnarled, all covered in dirt, but I could feel this power emanating from it.  So I grabbed it and took it home without really looking at it.  First chance I got a lone,   I took a toothbrush to the root and flicked off all the dust, and left it in that state for many years.... Many many years... However, I kept it with me and used it in the state it was in.... a natural wand full of power is nothing to be sneezed at, specially when it's a gift.

Now I started to work on my Morning Glory wands just recently, and had a little luck with them, but not a lot.... the ink runs and I just don't feel the power like I do in my root wand.  I just had my birthday and of course we're broke, but my partner found a $20 and even though he didn't want to have to run around, he told me he would take me anywhere I wanted to go.... I now have sand paper... tons of it... well enough until I can get way more, and maybe a mask and a knife for cutting and well .... I'm doing it again and getting off topic...

I began to smooth the wood and what I thought was a plain brown stick with groves full of dust became something else....

So all smoothed up and polished with my seven league boot flying ointment, it looks like this, a rather gnarled stick, but such a brilliant red colour to the wood that used to look a sort of faded brown.  As you can see there is also a little dip there and that is perfect for my finger going in there for extra leverage... looks kinda cool actually when I hold it, and the very pointy end is the one I point with and I'll show you why.

It's a crow, it just appeared as I was smoothing things out... all on it's own, even the eye.   I've never really carved before and it was amazing the things I saw in the wood and how they just jumped right out at me... or I could be nuts LOL....

One thing I do know, this is my best all purpose wand and I love using it...

Something in the Air

There has been a strangeness in the air for months now.... a sort of heavy, somber, impending doom, this weather is all wrong, kind of feeling.  It's not just the weather though, for when you looked at how I described the time period it was emotion.  It has been strange indeed; full of harsh, unexpected break ups, fall outs in families you thought couldn't be touched, devastating illnesses that involve entirely too much sleep.  No, I'm not describing my life, actually I'm talking about the various blogs and forums, and social networks, I've been reading for months.  They are each filled with some kind of tale over the last 3 months of heart wrenching double crossing.

However, when I woke up this morning, in the wee early hours about 4:30 am, I couldn't get back to sleep for a bit and I just lay there enjoying the storm.  There was something so cleansing about it, as though it were sweeping away all the bad things that have happened since the spring.  All I know is there is a profound feeling of relief as I look at the steel grey sky and falling rain.  As grey as it is, this day is perfection.

I'm no expert in the stars, but I would have to say that something was misaligned somewhere, somehow and it took a good cooling autumnal gale to blow those nasty old cobwebs away, and return things to the usual upsets that I know how to deal with.  I'm just so happy to feel like things are going to be OK again.  My life does not feel stuck and I can move forward.  The funny thing with that statement is it has occurred in many forms over the last couple of days in emails, blogs, and other social networking forums all over the internet.  Now maybe things will start to get completed and I can once again know what it's like to feel like I've actually accomplished more than a load of dishes.

I had my mind opened

My partner and I are going through changes, I'm croneing and he started off in a new career just a couple of months ago, fresh out of Security Guard School.  We're learning to make adjustments, but it is an uphill battle which often leaves me far more exhausted than I should be.  I have felt alone and truly I think I am.  We are quite different him and I, he is clever, fast, hasty, witty; I am patient, thorough, wise, scholarly, spiritual.  We are having a rough spot, and I see from other blogs, I am not the only one.  In the next few days, that should be changing, the winds should be bringing in some excitement and good fortune.

And so it did, I was sitting in my living room ignoring TV and feeling like crap after my partner left yelling at me because who he wanted to yell at wasn't there and he needed someone to yell at.  My heart felt heavy and tears were flowing freely down my cheek because I've been so frustrated with all the nonsense the last week, and the top of my shirt was soaked. When suddenly I heard a strong low female voice say "Be strong small one, I am here and we will get through this together you and I." I suddenly felt like I was being enveloped in a large hug (like the ones your mom gives you when the world knocks you down.  "I, Freya, will keep you safe, little one, no more will he harm you."

Now I know I was tired and sad and I've been reading a lot of Norse mythology in the last few days, but it was just the right thing at just the right time.  She told me to grab my 7 league boots, which is what I call my Flying Ointment and to put it on, finish my movie and then grab the little fleece blanket and head to bed.   She came to me and we crossed the Hedge together, and then she introduced me to my spirit guide, a humming bird.  I don't know much about this, but I'm willing to learn.  I suspect that I have communed with Freya in a small aspect.  We talked about what my options and opportunities are.  I feel better, not so sad.  I know others may think I'm nuts, but then so was Noah and he built an ark.  

I truly never thought I would hear the voice so clearly, and  I was getting so old I thought I had been passed over, never to be more than a mere dabbler.  My ears are open now, and she talks to me sometimes, reminding me to be strong and with a little message of what I can do to keep my cool.  My partner has been on the warpath so much, that even the bed is a battleground.  I keep the blanket with me always and feel safe, like when I was a little girl using my blanket as a flying carpet to get away from the evil Vizier.

I am worn out from trying to work things out in my relationship with my partner, yes, he supports me, but my consequences keep me from having any kind of quality of life.  I have removed the rose coloured glasses and decided to save myself.  It will take a little time, but at least this time it's on my terms.

Fall Apple Strussel Coffee Cake

I could not help myself today when I want shopping.   I saw those beautiful Macintosh apples in the bin and had to have them.   They have that perfect tart sweet flavor for eating, however it fares equally well when you cook them.  They are quite versatile indeed and fairly hardy, keeping well in the fridge.  So I gathered a nice big bag full and as soon as my partner was off to work I began to explore my options.  I wanted something heartwarming, with a little crunch and piquancy.  Anyways... I have this special little recipe for a no fail coffee cake that comes with spicy nutty struessel.

This is it in all it's glory.  The strussel has cinnamon and brown sugar for the sweetness, oats and walnuts for the crunch and a little margarine and flour to bind it all together.

Apple Strussel Coffee Cake

• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 1/2 cups flour
• 2 tsp baking powder
• 6 tbsp sugar
• 2 tbsp oil
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup milk
• 2 apples, peeled, sliced thin and soaked in a little lemon water to keep from turning brown

Mix dry ingredients together in a large bowl.  In a seperate bowl mix all liquids.  Using a spoon, quickly pour the wet ingredients into the dry and mix quickly making sure not to over mix, sort of like a biscuit, it should be slightly more liquidy then a biscuit recipe and you can spread it in an 8 by 8 inch square pan. Make a  pattern or just lay the apples across the cake, make it as pretty as you like.

Now for the struessel:

IN a small bowl toss together 

• 1/4 cup brown sugar 
• 2 tbsp flour
• 1 tsp cinnamon 
• 1/4 cup oats
• 1/4 cup walnuts
• 1 heaping, close to 2 tbsp margarine

In a small bowl beat the butter, add the sugar, spice flour, then once it's been thoroughly mixed add the nuts and oats, mixing now with your finger tips.  Gently scatter across the top of the cake, then put into a 400 degree oven for about 20 minutes to half an hour.  I always knew when it was done by the way it smelled.  However another good way to test is by seeing if the cake springs back at the center when poked with your finger.  Once you've mastered this you can pull it out when it smells done.

This cake cooks up quickly and can double as a nice breakfast when someone is coming off the late shift at work.

Yggdrasil and a little something called Thor

Sometimes I am completely blown away by how in-tune my partner is with me.  He has some interesting qualities and one of them is being able to select the perfect movie for the moment.  And that happened in such a big way that I'm still rather awed by it.
I never let on what I'm studying about, which in this case I've been pursuing the tree of life, in particular Yggdrasil.  I knew a little, but not that much about it, and the more I probed around the periphery, the more I became excited by what Yggdrasil represents.  Anyways, I was feeling antsy, like I'd skirted the actual subject matter so much that I completely missed it and I was never going to get around to study it more closely, when Sean turned down the lights and flicked on the TV.
As the opening credits rolled past with bits of film, I became entranced, that was how I'd pictured the rainbow bridge, and wasn't that... no it couldn't be Asgard, it was!  And then all of a sudden I recognized the tree, it was Yggdrasil and I couldn't help myself I actually squealed "Oh wow, it's Thor!"  I even jumped up and down I was so excited.
I loved watching the movie and enjoyed seeing the World Tree in all it's various aspects.  It was precious to me and better than most of the films I've seen lately.  For me, it was all about the tree and the legend of Thor and his kin.  This brief introduction has me curious about the more Norse aspects of my family, as well, the Norse did settle along the coast lines of England.  Not such a stretch to wonder if there are some repressed ancestral or genetic memories coming out.  No it wouldn't surprise me at all.  I don't recall reading much in the way of Norse mythology; it was all mostly Greek, and Roman for me as a kid.  I'm older and more adventurous now, there are so many unexplained things in my life and mythology seems to be filling some gaps.
It's time for me to get some serious reading done about the past in order for me to make better sense of my future.

The Seven League Boots

Last night, after reading a blog about putting flying ointment on the soles of your feet as a way to fly over the hedge, I felt a little twinge in my brain, as it sounded so familiar to me, flying about the countryside by putting something on your feet.... like.. and then it hit me... like seven league boots.
If you've ever read the full version of Puss and Boots you remember that footwear.  I think the lads name was Lord Caraboose, (I'll have to find a copy and review it, as I've not read the story since I was about 10ish).  He stopped by the side of a stream, removed his shoes and put on the seven league boots in order to get  to another realm, I believe it was one of the worlds of faerie he was entering.  I even recall a tale about the seven league boots for another story, but that was long ago.
Anyways, it got me thinking about fairy tales and travel and flying ointments and the need to hide things out in the open.  It looks like I'll be doing some studying and seeing what other conclusions I can come up with.  I was an avid reader of Fairy and Folk Tales when I was a child, and deeply moved by mythology legend, and history.  I was always in trouble for having my head in a book... the wrong kind of book.  I was supposed to be studying math and french, social studies and science, which I found boring. It was the 70's I was female and I needed my fathers signature on my curriculum and was saddled with languages sciences math and social studies.  He wanted me to be a Travel Agent and I wanted to be an archaeologist, or a writer, or an artist and take art history, English Literature, and history.
 I think this epiphany has led to to the beginning of an adventure into the realms over the hedge, for I put the flying ointment onto the soles of my feet last night and I still feel it's effects today.  I'm trying to figure out my dosage, because I feel I can go up a little more, and after last night, I know I can knock it up another notch.  I'll wait a few days for the effects to wear off and then knock it up to a double dose, I think that should be fine, as one and a half still was not the effect I was hoping for.  I'm pleased there seems to be no hangover or headache afterwards, and that the feeling of euphoria lasts longer than the evening.
Now is the time for me to study and reflect on what my next step should be, but I suspect I'll be wandering towards a copy of Puss and Boots and seeing what kind of plants grew by the lake where the seven league boots were.

An omen from my flying ointment

A few days ago The Witch of Forest Grove wrote a wonderful article, On Flying Ointments.  It was well written and included not only the basics of how to make one, but the various components you can use, and the implications of making ones that tend to use the more baneful herbs.  She will not give dosages, however, she provides cautions and warnings and just enough information for further study to help you along your task.  For a long time I have wanted to know just a rough guideline for more information on how to get over the hedge more easily without getting stoned.  I'm a serious student and am not looking for a cheap high.  Sometimes though, the gate to the other-side just remains elusive and all I'm looking for is the right key to get me over.  Sometimes I can get over on my own on purpose, more often than not though, I get there by accident, just bumbling over.  I'm looking for more controlled ventures.
This is not a calling for everyone, I felt the calling towards hedge-riding years ago, long before I knew about flying ointments or even what going over the hedge was.  I was very young then (about 7) and it was like watching TV these dreams, only I could somewhat control the outcome.  From then on I wanted to get over more frequently and control it.  I had no one to guide me or council me in this, yet I persisted and eventually found the information I needed here and there, to keep me going one step at a time.

I am now cobbling together all that I have learned over many years into what I call the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out"  The way I look at it, this was my tale of my journey, and what I did to get here.  It's also the journey I am now making and I don't want short cuts; it would take away from the adventures I will go on and all the exciting things that I will seen.
I did try a flying potion... I had a little wormwood.... and no I'm not telling where I got it, but I did and I have a little left, which is a good thing, because I want to use it again.  That was the herb I used when I made my flying potion on the afternoon of the 10th of September.  I didn't even wait for my partner to go to work, I was that excited and that impatient.  I read up on Wormwood and on Thujone before I continued.  I used a small amount in my potion and set it to heat in the oil on, of all things, an electric coffee warmer.  I infused the oil for the correct time and added the wax and a natural preservative (I have a full arsenal in my witches cupboard of rare and exotic, weird and bizarre).  I couldn't get it to cool fast enough and so carried it to the bathroom (in-case it was messy).  With my partner working grave-yard shift, I would have the entire night to myself to give it a try and see what happens without any interruptions.
I deliberately made it less potent, but with what I thought would be enough of a sample to see if I liked it and if it would do as I hoped.  Using my fingers to scoop out about 2 tablespoons of the very oily mass I smeared it on the back of my neck.  I don't know why I chose there, I just did.  The ointment was so greasy I was rubbing it in for a long time and ended up giving up and just letting it sit there for a bit, and then a little later I rubbed the last little bits in.
At first I didn't feel anything, but after a while, colours were more intense, and I had this sense that I could see things really clearly, as though I was truly seeing them for the first time in my life and now things made sense; at last... true clarity.  I saw where I had been going wrong with some things and what needed to be done to rectify my life and simplify things.  I had been so intent on this wheel of the year, and I still am.  I was originally going to study this year and learn more about all the rituals throughout a Witches year starting at Samhain.  About a week later I had this brilliant idea that I would open an online store and sell my crafts and get that all done for Samhain. (<This is the omen part> What I quickly realized was that although the store is a great idea, it's time has not come yet.  I need to learn more about ritual, paying homage, feasting, playing, working, magic, consecration.  I'm not ready now for the dream of the store.  However, I am ready to gather items in a couple of months and sell them off at a craft fair or farmers market. ) As I learn more, I won't struggle over the simple things and so the store (which I have wanted to do for years and years, <small business workbook dated 1990 was eye opening> perhaps decades) will have a better chance of surviving.
I saw that sometimes we as people, get caught up in the dream and completely miss out on the experience.  I was about to sell myself short.  I have been obsessed the last month crafting and studying and crafting and drawing, wanting to know everything all at once and cursing my lack of knowledge.  I was taking all the fun out of the upcoming year, and I hadn't even started it.  So I'm going back to my original plan; Wheel of the Year here I come.
There were other insights that I had as well from the flying ointment.  More personal, but helpful none the less.  I would also say yes, it helps when hedge-crossing, it did make it easier for me to lie down, relax and go over the hedge and talk to my Grandma.  The usual drowsiness I encounter when hedge crossing was not there, instead, I felt alert, but not as though I was controlling the situation, nor was I having a hallucination.
It was a positive experience and something I will take up a notch, but not a big notch.  I'm not interested in getting high, I'm interested in clarity, visions, hedge-crossing and enlightenment.  I feel this fills the bill.  There will be other experiments of course with other herbs and dosages to find the best fit for me in all this and I'm excited.  I'm keeping lots of notes in the "Big Blue Book of Keep the Fuck Out" and perhaps one day I'll pass it on.  

Reclaiming the Forest

What a perfect day.  I got to bed before 2am and was up by 8am when my companion dragged his weary butt in the door.  I fed him some cornmeal cereal and golden toast with butter and he started watching TV on the couch.  In no time the poor tired thing had fallen asleep and I nipped out the door in my worst clothes to go scavanging for treasures in the woods.  I have noticed of late, that there is an abundance of downed wood in the area.  As I walked down the path towards what I call the Arbutus Grove, it became apparent that the wood has been tossed to the side as though it were litter.  I don't mean the occasional thinning to let in more light, I mean loads of wood left to rot.  I try to grin and bear it, but it sure does bother me to see it.

As you can see, this shit's been down a while, and it's covered with young vines, however, you can also see that the wood is still good and there are 4 logs in this one little site alone, actually there is more there, it continues to the right.

Here are some more fallen trees, and on the larger of the two logs, there is a lot of rot on the outside, but the center was still good.  And yes, there are 4 downed huge chunks of timber just sitting there beside the path.

This too lies along that same path, but at least here it is neatly set out of the way.

This one just had me doing face-palms over and over again.  This is cut by a chainsaw, it's not natural and not needed for light, so what's up?

This is just a bigger badder picture of the one above, but it makes me wonder.  There was not even 20 feet between some of these.  This "waste wood" should be offered up to artists and such to see what can be reclaimed.  However; I don't think I'll be waiting on that invitation; I'll just help myself.

In one of the areas, where the trees were thinned, ferns filled what had once been a bog during the spring.

I also found a new view of my forest spirit that I first found when I went on that exploratory journey to seek out my secret garden.
However, the main reason why I went to the forest was to collect some items to make a broom.

 

This little grotto was filled with broom (the plant) at one point, but someone came up here and thrashed all the broom plants.  The bright yellow flowering branches were thrashed, as in hacked up and left to die.  I come up here at least once every two weeks, more if I can.... and I know that a couple of months ago, this area was filled with lovely blooms of broom and the next time I saw it, the plants had been slashed and the fresh green boughs covered the ground.  I kept going up and thinking I should grab that to make a broom with.  So that is exactly what I did.  I gathered enough broom for... yes a broom, and a lovely handle, that doesn't know it's a handle yet, lay close by.  My companion, then gave me some wonderful twine, so once I've soaked all the broom twigs and sprigs, I'll be working on the besom.
 I think that my special broom grotto is visited by another much like myself.  There is a rock balancer who comes here and leaves their little shrines up beneath the boughs of the towering arbutus.  They are set upon green moss, or the slate grey boulders that dominate that quiet little corner overlooking WestWood Lake.  Today, all those were knocked down and more of the broom was scattered about.  It may have been the wind, but I suspect boots of mischief would be a more appropriate guess.
Anyways, I'll be busy the next couple of days, to a week.  There are some spells to finish up, some stock to build up, some crafts to play with and pictures to take.  I suspect there will be more forays into the wood to gather some of the wood for making boxes and what not, that should keep me busy over the winter.

The Lessons of the Morning glory Wand

Obtaining the cedar to make my wand  was no problem, I went in the forest and harvested some lovely boughs. I got them home and de-twigged them and then sanded them smooth.  I was even resourceful, for when I had no sandpaper, I used my emery board (I never end up using them on my nails), which was a good choice because it's a good size to wield when  attacking tiny sharp twig remains, and it makes a more precise eraser than sandpaper and your finger (LOL).
The trouble all started when I wanted to ink them.  I had some felt pens handy, that actually were for another project.  I busily got to work and covered the wand in morning glory vines and flowers.  It looked beautiful, but before I took a picture I wanted to varnish it.  So on went the varnish and off came the colour.  Damn things were water proof.  Oh well, I thought, perhaps I'll sand that off later and I got myself some fine, indelible ink sharpies, 8 bucks, 8 pens. Well I made the wand and only made a few flowers, here's the deal, the blue is already out of ink and the fine is not all that fine.  Sharpies are not going to work any more than those other felt tipped pens.  I think next I'm going to try some other medium.  Perhaps I'll paint them on with a very fine brush, or use ink and a stylus and brush.  I have a bunch of stylus's and brushes.
The other thing I'm going to do is ask around at the art store to find out what medium would work best for what I'm hoping to achieve.  I knew there would be some issues, but now I can face them head on and move on.  I like this work and would like to do more, make boxes and such, it does run in our family.  In fact, my grandfather, on my mothers side made beautiful puzzles boxes and cabinets out of cedar and was considered an artisan before World War 2 broke out in Germany.  In particular he was a cedar worker and passed away from complications due to inhalation of the cedar particles.
The other thing I've noticed is all the downed wood along the pathways in the park.  I'm thinking of harvesting what I need to create my own body of work.  I learnt quite a bit when I was up in the Charlotte's living off the land.  I have a good eye, and know how to cut for shakes, so it shouldn't be that hard for me to grab a few boards here and there so the wood does not go to waste, all I'll need is an axe and a wood mallet.
I like my wand don't get me wrong, I'm not even upset that it didn't work the way I wanted.  You see once the error was made, I learned my lesson and figured out something else so that it could get finished.  This is going to be fun.  It's late, almost 3 in the morning.  I'm going to oil up my little wand and keep it healthy, and then tomorrow, when the light is better, I'm going to take some pictures of my wand and post them.
Ah and one more thing... just one last little one.  My companion, he found an attachment for his drill that will allow me to grind things out in case I want to shape my wands more.  Now that is awesome timing, because I was just thinking that. I think it's time to start hitting the garage sales :D
And here are my endeavors up close flaws and all.

The total wand, sanded and inked with morning glory vines and at one end is a Lady Bug.  This is the second attempt and ink for this seems to be the issue.  However, it has a whimsical  nature to it.  It still needs to be consecrated, but it is meant to be an aid to hedgecrossing and travelling.

The ink is the biggest issue.  The blue especially is troublesome.  It was a brand new pack, I outlined about 6 morning glories buds and blooms, it ran a little, but worse it started to fade on the last bloom and now there is no more ink left.  As you can see from the comparison, the green is more vibrant and fills in better, but not much.

Here is a closeup of all the green.  Of all the colours I have used so far, the green seems to be the most reliable and has the most ink for your buck.

And here you can see some of the fading on the blue morning glory, which makes it look shabby and like I don't care.  I did, and was so careful when applying the ink.  The red on the Lady Bug has no integrity.  I applied with an even hand and yet it's blotchy, the same with the black ink.  These two, the red and black, lack the vibrancy of the green.  All in all, I will not be using sharpee for this kind of work again.  

I make one exception...the Sharpie Pen.  It has a superfine point and I think it will do to make some necromantic wands for ancestor worship.  In fact that will most likely be my next adventure in wand making.

The Epiphany

I was given a great gift today by my loving companion Sean :D.  I like to keep busy, but with this silly sleeping and bathroom business I've been housebound for 5 days now.  I'm getting cagey and more grumpy than usual and I kinda sit and look at my computer, look at my supplies, look at the TV, sigh, make a meal, eat and sleep.  I need more supplies to complete my projects.  It's hard to get into the head space I need to when I'm drawing because my spouse is very interactive and likes to give and receive attention often.
However today he needed him time, I could tell and he was about to not take it again, which of course makes him grumpy, I could see him eyeing the X-Box controller, and his hand reaching for it then pulling away.  I pretended I didn't notice for a bit so he wouldn't tie in one with the other.  I told him I had a bunch of craft work I needed to focus on and I hated not being able to get to it,   and handed him the controller.
With a big smile on his face he gave me my gift, when you open up Gmail there is a tab there called Site for making web pages and he also suggested that I might want to use it to set up an online shop for all my goods.  He's also going to help me with getting a Paypal account and a few other things I'll need to set up the shop, but then I'll have my own little business, something to help me retain some of my independence.  I had wanted to have everything connected and actually to go google with this venture the entire time and now I can.  Once I get a little further ahead, I'll set up a PO box and take full command of my work room turfing some of the stuff we aren't using because there is no room to cut fabric, let alone swing a cat.
Oh and when I look at exactly what the gift was, it makes me smile, it wasn't the knowledge of the website page builder that was the gift, it was that I needed it and he had been listening to me all along.  I feel awesome and well appreciated, because every woman really just wants to know she's been heard.
As for me, I've been working on the webpage all day, and I find the site builder confusing.  I'm going to be adding more and more to the site as I go, slowly adding my stock and keeping tabs of everything online. I think this is going to do me a lot of good, especially if I team it up with something like ad-sense or not... really not so sure on that one, but I will give it a look before completely dismissing it.

Sleepy, so very sleepy...

I don't know what's going on.  I go to bed, I sleep, up to 12 hours wake up for a few hours, then go back to sleep for 10 hours, yesterday was up for 10 whole hours, then woke up 14 hours later.... What the Hell!!!
It's like this: every day I have good intentions of going for a walk.  This is much needed because I'm not in the best of health, you know, pushing 50, overweight, grumpy from croning, and my bowels and I, I swear, are enemies.  I know the walking would help in all aspects of my life, and the park entrance is less than 100 meters away maybe closer to 80 meters, and I can't find my way  there?  I don't get it, it's not laziness, it's this damn sleeping, and I feel so bloated some days and like the bathroom is just too far away and my fear of not making it in time keeps me in the house, and sometimes in bed, because it's right beside the bathroom.
You might be thinking I should see a doctor about this, I have, I've got IBS and all the troubles that go with.  In fact, I've known for years about my condition and learned to live around it.  It's at the time in my life where it's not some days are better than others, but some weeks are better than others.  It's why I like to have at home projects, and why I am working on creating my own business.
On home days I hand sew, crochet, knit, work on wands, draw, paint and other small creative endeavors. It keeps me happy and it keeps my hopes up.  It gives me something to do during the day so I don't stagnate and fret about not getting out and about, but this sleeping business is now cutting into my days.
There is wild harvesting to be done, and health wise I need to get out and stretch my legs.  For now, I keep up with my healthy diet, mostly fruit and veg, very little meat, and lots of whole grains.  I do know how to take care of myself, but sometimes, I'm in no shape, and my companion takes over and looks out for me, this means, take out food and feet up chair (lazy boy) and lots of sleep.  So, I guess that means I'm stuck in Catch 22 land, and I need to find a way to do the things I want to do when I want to do them.  It's a little like being in a gilded cage, only my health is what's holding the key.  I'm doing as the doctor has said, plenty of bedrest and a healthy diet, and walks when I can.   So, now when I need it most, the walks are out of the question.  When I can I'll be picking up some supplies so that I can continue crafting and work towards one of two big plans.  1. to adhere closely to the Wheel of the Year and become more in-tune with the witchy side of me. 2. to create an inventory of items for sale to help support my venture.  I'm hoping to have some stock by Samhain, I already have some actually, but they are in transit here from my son's house.  I have them boxed up, but getting them here is the problem.
I don't drive, my sight is slightly off from my stigmatism and that is enough to keep me from getting a license; however I am always optomistic and they have those cute little scooters (which are more my speed anyways), so once I have one of those, which is in the plans for my birthday at the end of the month, then I will have my magic broom, so to speak.   Living up by Westwood Lake has it's advantages, like the Park and the quiet, however there are disadvantages as well, such as shopping is miles away, and the bus runs every half hour, but is never on time and is often cut when they are running low, which means that you can wait at the bus stop for an hour or more  .  My partner works night shift, so when I want to shop, (daylight hours), he's too tired and cranky, or sleeping.  We are lucky with grocery shopping and I can get some supplies at the local Superstore which is open until 11 pm.  I would rather shop during the day, and be able to make pilgramages to the beach, the mountains, the shops and the places that sell local handcrafters items (like mine), or even head with my stuff to the local farmers market.
I don't know about you, but I like to get into the zen of things.  I focus on my intent, enjoy the selecting of the items I need.  I take my time and what I need just comes to my fingertips, and it's always a good price.  Yes, these are the things I am missing, and have been missing for the past 9 months since we moved to this location.  I admit that it was a bad move, but we will do our best to get past this and we are also working on a plan to move to a better location.  However, the focus remains, getting healthy, walking, finding out what makes me sleep so much, and getting out and about more so that I don't feel so housebound and depressed.  As you can see, I kind of miss shopping, for shopping's sake, not the grocery shopping kind, but the browsing and selecting of delightful little things.  One can only do so much with the selection at the superstore.  LOL!

Time to Record some Memories

I stayed up all last night working on my memories.  I made an outline and I started to write down all my recollections of what I saw, learned, felt, all my thoughts, especially when something seemed fishy.  It's all private; no one's going to read it, so I'm being completely honest and not worrying for the first time that someone is going to read it and think I'm nuts.  I still have to find a place to keep it safe from prying eyes, but for the most part, all the deeply personal tragic interesting stuff will be bashed out in my private journals, but my ultimate conclusions and a rundown of how I came to this summation will be entered here, if deemed noteworthy.
For instance, when I was a girl, I had this cat named Katy (pronounced cat-e).  I loved her, she was pretty and white, with blue eyes.  I was about 5 when my Dad's secretary, Margarita gave me the kitten.  My paternal Grandmother was staying with us, and she watched over me, because my mother did not treat me the same as my sister.  I was bullied by both of them, and anyways, back to the story.... I'm glad my Grandma was there, but my Mom and her fought like Cat's and Dogs!  After we had my cat for a few months, she grew thin and sickly and one day my mother broke it to me that my cat was dead.  I was upset, but my mother told me that it was better for Katy because she was so sick.  Well my Grandma went to my Dad with what she knew.... and it came out my mother hated the cat, didn't think I deserved a pet and so she poisoned her because she couldn't be bothered.
Shortly after that fight, my Mother got her way and Grandma was sent packing  back to England and my mother never had a kind word to say about her to anyone ever again, even those who knew her.  I would often get older ladies petting me on the head and saying things like your Grandma sends her love.  North Vancouver, at the time was predominately British Emigrants, and my Gran was popular, whereas, my mother was not.  There were  few invitations to lunches and social occasions.  My mother blamed this the fact that she was German and no one wanted a "Nazi" in their home so soon after the war.
The reason this all matters is my mother denied my Grandma having lived with us and that my cat was poisoned, not sick.  She denied a lot of things actually, but this one was so big.  My father was embarrassed by what had happened to his mother, by his own wife, and being a stiff upper lip type of Englishman, he kept the secret out of a sense of privacy, so the neighbours wouldn't know.  He neither confirmed or denied, he avoided talking about it.  Oh yes and my mother told us that if we did speak to him about it there would be hell to pay (I could never figure out why there would be hell to pay with my father, but I was cautious around my mother even as a child).  This is an important part of my history and I had so many memories stolen by this cover-up.  This little scenario was also used as a mean of showing just how big a liar I was.  My mother called it running to my father with my little faerie stories!  Anyways, that's a little glimpse into my life, and with this new found knowledge I will be recording, I hope to gain a deeper understanding of .myself.

Surprise, Surprise...LOL

I went for a walk in my park today, but instead of going in my usual entrance which is here,

I wandered up the College Drive a little bit further towards the first turn-off to the right.  The reason for this is simple,  I decided that I would make a secret garden in the park and what looked like a perfect location was a small field in behind the scrub at the end of the Cul-de-sac.  I had looked up everything on Google Maps and Google Earth.  So I see the road, and walk in towards the Cul-de-sac that I know is at the end of a houseless street (according to the maps); however, this road is no longer houseless, there are, I believe four houses there, three closer to College Drive, and one near to the little round about.  Along this road is a fine selection of wild flowers that usually grow near woods, in the open areas.

I see these pretty blue flowers all over Nanaimo, along the roads and more wide open areas.

Broom is everywhere, and next time I'm remembering to poke a spare bag in my collector bag, so I can drag some home, dry it out and try my hands at making a besom style broom.

This little beauty was covered in purple flowers, and bees by the score were harvesting full throttle,how perfect I want an apiary in my secret garden, this would be ideal, so close and convenient.

This thistle too, gave me time to reflect on how wonderful this area would be.

'Well now!  This is exciting!' I thought and became giddy with delight at how close to the Hedge (the forest wall that seperates the tame and lawful from the wild and unlawful) this was.  I walked past the fancy and final house and my anticipation grew so much so that I could feel a big smile all across my face, only to be greeted by this:

and this:

Well I am a witch, a hedge-ryder, and a trouble maker extraordinaire.  I will not be held back by lame signs that mean to keep me from my goal.  I want a a secret garden and I will have one or know the reason why!  I put on my grumpy Ember face and trudged along the poorly blocked path into the scrub area just in beyond the rocks.  Ok, so no secret garden here, for there was downfall and roots standing on end, and big rock piles and no way to get past anything.  In fact, it was dangerous in there.  I knew that a new sub-division was going in not to far from the other end of those rocks, so there would be no privacy.  Although my way was blocked and this site holds absolutely no promise for creating my garden aspirations, there are some prospects on the other side of the lake, so all is not lost.  It is mid dayish and I don't do well in heat and sunlight.  I'm very fair skinned, and can be burn within 15 minutes of exposure to the sun, so I wear large baggy clothes and a hat that covers me up and provides shade, but still has a tendency to cause overheating.  I looked around my little lost area and in no time discovered a path that lead into a familiar part of the Park I'd been exploring.  I quickly made for the path with little more than a hint of regret for the loss of future garden and headed into the woods, my favorite part of any walk.

Looks like I found the forest spirit.  I want to come back and look at her, see where she's pointing, it looks like the other side of the lake, but I could be wrong.  All in all it was an excellent and informative walk.  I have lots of food for thought, now that my sleeping is back on track. 

 I finally got my partner to understand that I don't have to sleep with him when he works graveyards, but I can come and visit him, lay down until he falls asleep, do my chores, and return close to waking time and be there as he wakes up, then he doesn't miss me so much.  It has been difficult for us, this graveyard shift, but we are starting to get the hang of it and devell,op a new rhythem for a happy and productive life.

A quick definition on chores is in order as well.  I don't work, or at this point bring a penny into the house.  My partner completely supports me; however, I cook and clean, this is my nature, I love a neat house, and he is a tidy man, so it's not a bother.  He wants me to relax and enjoy my life, be as though retired.  He wants me to take the time to work on my arts, my crafts, my magic and my cooking, reading, writing, all the things I wanted to do, but never had time to do when I was supporting my kids all on my own.  He likes my art and he wants me to be the artist I was meant to be.  He supports me financially, emotionally, spiritually and even promotes my work to others.  Everything else aside, I am a lucky girl, to have someone like him and it's worth putting up with the shenanigans, guess that's what it means by unconditional love.  <3